Episode 324: Negotiating With Grief

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[00:00:53] You already know this most favorite runner is always Donald Peas. Alongside of LaShawn. It's a beautiful day here in YC, man. Shout out to all y'all like, comment, subscribe and doing all the things I do every week. We do appreciate y'all. We're blessed to be here man. Fire is burning, ace on the table, wine on the table and um... Water in my cup. It's just iced tea. They ain't... They ain't putting no money in our pockets. Shit, nobody on this table.

[00:01:22] I got this from um... Expo yesterday from the Brooklyn Half. Expo and shit like that. I was gonna ask you what that was. Oh yeah, it's from the... You want this? You go there, you pick up your bib. Um, they usually have like sponsors there. They had this. They had the kombucha, the kombucha joint. They had some massage gun. That shit was mad good though, but I just... You don't wanna spend the bread here? Nah, I ain't gonna fret. It was like 150. Yo, this shit.

[00:01:51] You ever, you had a massage gun that feel like it's punching you? This shit is gliding against your bone on that shit. Joe got a massage gun. I didn't know it actually died out. Yeah, shit. Damn. I had a good run. I ain't gonna overuse in his drawers. It's crazy. I ain't gonna freak. I mean, it had like a four year lifespan. That's still good though. That's the long ass time. I got my shit from fucking um... What's up? Burlington. Oh, Burlington. Coat Factory? You know when you...

[00:02:19] You know when you're walking in the aisle, you about to go cash out, about to go check out. They be having random shit in the aisle. Yeah, you randomly grab one. But uh, my mom had me going there one time. I was like, yo, we both don't belong in here. It's some sneaky shit in there, boy. We went to the one in, I think it was Gateway. Wow. That shit was like poverty. I ain't gonna front, I seen a Tommy Hilfiger jacket in that bitch one time. Yeah, I don't Burlington shame. I don't Marshall shame. I don't Burlington shame.

[00:02:49] I get you some white tees at Marshall too. I'm like, where am I? I ain't gonna front bro. You find a nice little joint bro. Not everything's a Prada store, bro. Yeah, I need to stay off that website. Almost pulled the trigger last night. I was like, nah, that's it man. Irresponsible. Yeah, I'm gonna pull it on Monday though. I just need a couple days. I just need a couple days to really think about it. Think about things how I really want to think about things. Do it, you deserve it. I don't know. You deserve it. Treat yourself, brother.

[00:03:17] But um, I guess it's a rose but thorn. Yeah, facts. My rose this week was... I had a conversation with my boss. That was a good chat. Oh, is that why you chose not to... I didn't feel like talking about it. It's more of like... You put it in the chat though. I said, appreciate y'all for giving me advice about this. And you didn't think we would inquire? Nah, fuck it. Let's follow up now. Nah, there's more of like, I didn't fully get into that whole conversation. It's more of like, I'm wanting to make sure there was no tension. It was make sure there was no tension. Oh, oh oh. The tension thing. And there was no tension? Nah, there was no tension.

[00:03:47] She was just like, yo, it was a long week, blah, blah, blah. Set the record straight. And then I told her like, yo, I know we got a busy week this week. Next Tuesday, let's put some time on your calendar. I want to sit down and talk. We got to talk. Yeah, nigga, let these liggas know, man. I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm excited. I was like, I would sit down and talk. Yo, yeah, I'm with that. I'm with that. So, that was my rose, my thorn for this week. I was just tired, man. Fucking tired. Nigga, don't be tired when I run half marathon.

[00:04:17] I'm messing with that. That ain't shit, man. That's not what's making you tired? Nah. Nah, it's more of like, bro, I've been tired to the point where I'm drinking coffee every day. I'm drinking a chai latte with a dirty chai. You didn't try what I gave you then. I want better for you. Nah, I'm going to try it tonight. I had to trash it tonight. That shit's literally on my nightstand. I'll fall asleep before I even try that shit. My bud, I signed up for a London marathon. Not a half. I didn't know what that was. It is a London marathon. Are you going to the Brits? Yeah, I'm doing a London marathon. In it, bro.

[00:04:47] My mind's going to touch the road, though, still. When is that? Next year. Next year, April. It's literally... 26. Yeah, literally, was it today? Yeah. That's fire. It's going to be this day next year. That's fire, man. 365 days. Yeah, so I got 365 days to be able to push past. I did 15 miles, but I was still able to... I felt good after the 15. So I got a... I got a... What's the distance in London? What's the distance? What do you mean? It's still 26.2.

[00:05:18] You know what I'm saying? It's a marathon. How long is that one? That's the full marathon? Yeah. It's a real full marathon. Yeah. It's 26.2 miles. I got a marathon. Nigga. Yeah. In London. In London, though, yeah. Then I'm gonna see if I can get into the New York one as well this year. You need a sponsor for that, right? Or you just need the bread? What's a good guy who's a sponsor? That's cool. How much is the bread? How much do they want? For the marathon? Yeah. It depends. I'll ask my run club. They usually...

[00:05:46] I ain't pay for the Brooklyn one. They're my run club usually. Wait, okay. So, you know, you have to pay to run in those things? Yeah. You paying for torture? Is there a reason? Usually, the marathon is going towards a foundation. Yeah. Or some cause. Okay. So, you're running for the cause. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's kind of the gist behind the marathon. I never knew that. Same thing like Max. Yeah.

[00:06:13] I'm actually not gonna come today, but I was like, I'm gonna pull up. Yeah. It goes towards, it goes towards, uh, Kenya research. I probably haven't done some. But that seems like a targeted, like, this is for a title. Yeah, but most of them, most of them are targeted. You just gotta do your research. Okay. Some of them are literally just... Kinda like the Met. Most people think it's just a fashion show, but that goes towards some sort of research. Or the museum itself, I believe. You think so? You ever did that at the Met? It's a really nice experience, bro. I'm used to chicken tenders and fries, bro.

[00:06:42] Nah, they chicken slap. They chicken at the Met fire, bro. Oh, so you've done it? Yeah, bro. I wouldn't talk about it. Like, do it? Y'all haven't wanted to go to the ballet before? Y'all haven't been? I've been in a ballet. I've been in a ballet. You've been for what? I've been to Broadway shows. Ballet. Operas. Yeah. You gotta try some, like... I love music and dance, but... I don't know if I'll be, like, thoroughly entertained during one of those, man. Bro, you don't know until you try, man. Why not? Experience some shit, man. Yeah, try some different shit. That's why I was like, I ain't gonna try, I'm gonna take short of you to go to a...

[00:07:12] There was a ballet scene, like, there was a ballet dancer in that Sinners scene, right? Was I tweaking? You saw it? Niggas just dancing. Niggas just dancing. Well, what about you? Rosebud Thorne. Rosebud Thorne. I'm waiting for Don's plug to see Sinners. Hmm? I'm waiting for Don's plug to see Sinners. You got a movie plug? I mean, if you want to do AMC, I got the discount shit. I got a homie too. Yeah, Regal as well.

[00:07:39] Yeah, no, actually, I want to go see it one more time in 70 millimeters before it go. Yeah, I want to go. I might have to sneak, like, sneak out of work and go, like... Doesn't it go away this week? Alamo. Next week. Next week. We going to Alamo? Is it in Alamo? Yeah. Yeah. It's Alamo. Alright, bet. I'm gonna go check. Let me know what day you're gonna go, I'll go with you. I bet. Shit, I'm on reserve this week too. I'm off Monday. I'm off Monday. And I'm on reserve Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. So, if y'all wanna go anytime this week... Damn, he can't. I don't know if he can go on Monday.

[00:08:09] Yeah, I got work. We can go on Mondays. I mean, I really can't go any day, I just have to make that decision. Like, you know, we gotta go. You have to be in office every day? No, Wednesday and Thursday, but I'm saying I'm on, I'm still on, I still gotta have my laptop on Monday. I be having early meetings too. Hot spot that shit. Yeah, I know. I mean, I got... I got edits to do on Monday too, so it's like... Yeah, yeah. I do gotta drop this week too. Me too. Anyway. Y'all do watch it. Okay. For me...

[00:08:39] Just let me know. My rose would be seeing Yaya perform last night. She... Honestly, I've been watching her perform for a while. I think there was something motivating her last night. Her performance was exceptional. Like, I never seen her in that mode. I don't know what exactly was motivating her, but it was very impressive to see and it made me really, really proud. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I'm very proud of her progression and her state presence is just...

[00:09:06] The thing that made me feel good is the people that come up to her after, that don't know who she is and it's like, yo, you're amazing. All the words of affirmation that anybody would want to hear, like, she gets them live and in action. It's not like niggas is like looking up on the gram and then telling her, like, they come up to her, like, in front of, like, the whole team and just tell her how they feel. I love seeing that. That shit makes me feel really fulfilled. So, that was really good to see. Um, my thorn, I had...

[00:09:35] This was like probably my most overwhelming week at work. Um... Not the first one? No. This one felt just a bit more overwhelming just because I feel like that's expected when you first get there, like, you don't know nothing. I think I feel like I know a little bit more now, but I felt like, okay, did one big event already, like, I should have a groove. I didn't have... I don't have the groove yet. Mm-hmm. Um, so it was a bit overwhelming. Um, but the thing is I still was able to balance it out and find moments where I was still, like, thriving.

[00:10:04] Um, and that's just the way ad agencies work. It's just... It's up and down and when you're dealing with a certain client who's not, you know, or ever changing, um, it could overwhelm you, but it didn't kill me, like I said. But, uh, it was... I guess I shouldn't have set an expectation that, like, by now I'd have this groove and figure out, no, because it's gonna be a surprise, so... Growing pains, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, but I'm cool.

[00:10:31] Um, and my bud, looking forward to the Knicks, man, getting this series wrapped up, man. Very confident in my team, getting this shit done, man. I'm trying to move on and play the next team in the next round or whatever team that may be, whether that's the Celtics or the Magic, because I'm tired of niggas acting like... You're hoping for the Magic? Shit. You know, I am. It's a less stress, man. Yeah, right, I am, but yeah, yo. I would want to see them win this shit. Hey, look, in reality, though, if the Magic can beat the Celtics, they can beat us. Yeah.

[00:11:00] So, uh... Oh! Oh, yeah, like, ah! Come on, come on. These matchups make fights. Matchups do make fights. They don't have the size as we do, but, yeah, man, it'll be... I'll be... Yeah. You know what? Yup. Yup. I said... I didn't make a reaction to anything. Shout out to the Knicks, though. I copped this Jalen Brunton shirt that Kiff was selling, too. Why your Rose wasn't going to the game?

[00:11:30] He lost. He lost, nigga. I mean, he still... Well, I see you still post that I just wanted to the game. Nigga, first of all, that's a legendary experience, first and foremost. Like, I don't know if you've ever been to a Bulls playoff game, bro. I have. That feeling, when I walked into MSG that day, bro, oh my God, son. Like, it was great. It was great. The energy was right. I just wish the Knicks played better throughout the majority of the game and not waited till eight minutes left in the game to start playing basketball.

[00:12:00] But I wouldn't trade that experience for the world. And... Fuck around! Y'all might see me at game five. I'm glad LA convinced you to go. I was like, yeah, this nigga has to go. Listen, man. Listen, bro. I like... That was something I needed. And, you know, hopefully, hopefully, I can do it again real soon. So... What about you, Ellen? Rose, I'm qualified to fly another 18 more months. Love it. Because what's a flight without you? You know what I'm saying? Facts.

[00:12:30] Yeah, I had to do my training. Flight attendant recurrent training this week. Wait, so... How... Can you explain how that goes? And, like, what is the qualifications for getting another 18 months? And if... You have to... Hold on. Without breaking protocol. You have to display that you still know how to operate all the doors for every aircraft. Um, that's a little tricky because in New York we don't get every plane.

[00:12:58] So there are certain planes I haven't seen since... You've trained. Since I started. So seeing them shits, I'm like, uh... Shit like trying to learn Latin. So... A lot of study. I did a lot of studying this week. Um... Okay. Just freshen up. Uh, we had to do... We had to, uh... Show that we still know how to do all of our emergency evacuations. Um, we had to show that we know all of the medical procedures and stuff like that.

[00:13:28] We actually... Actually learned something, uh... That... That women are more prone to not get help during a cardiac arrest because nobody wants to touch them in that area. Oh, I can understand that. So they emphasize that a lot. Uh, that, you know, there are times where it's an all-male crew. And we can't really... There's no... Be too paranoid. Just save her life. Save her life. Save her life. That'd be a crazy flip. Um, I see it.

[00:13:59] I can see it happening. Yeah. I can literally... I don't see it not happening. So, uh, something that I've seen this year that I haven't seen before is the, uh, the mannequins that we practice, um... Yeah, they had... They had breasts. Bumsies? Yeah. Bumsies at the back, not the front. Yeah. She just... Nah, I mean it, man. Uh, she had bubbies. Bubbies and bumsies. Yeah. You learning. Uh, yeah. So my, my, uh, my test dummy had a rack on her.

[00:14:28] And... Nockers. Nockers. Nockers. Nockers. Nockers. Nockers. Nockers. Nockers. Nockers. Nockers. Nockers. Nockers. Uh, but, uh, but yeah, so, uh, what else I... Oh, man.

[00:14:50] There was one, uh, I also learned, I already knew, but the severity of our training definitely increased this year. Mm-hmm. Obviously, with all that's going on in the world. Uh, and one of the, uh, evacuations, uh, a crew had to do, they did it completely wrong. And it's nothing, it's nothing wrong with getting it wrong in training. Mm-hmm. They're getting it wrong in real time.

[00:15:17] But if you would, they would have made that mistake in the air, everybody would have died. So that, when that happened, like, when, so, during the, you have to act it out. Mm-hmm. And they messed up so early in the game that, like, everybody, like, kinda got sad because this was one of those emergencies that was life or death. And we just had to continue acting it out. But imagine, like, I know, acting this out, yo, we're all dead, it don't matter.

[00:15:45] So, uh, damn, I won't say that because that'll break company policy. I'd like to hear it so far, though. Yeah, so, um, I think, uh, the trainer left by saying, like, yo, y'all fly and y'all are in charge of everybody on the plane. My husband flies the company, my parents fly the company, y'all are in charge of everybody's life.

[00:16:13] Y'all have to take this a little bit more seriously. I was like, I agree. I was in the back, I said facts. Cause part of me was like, yo, cut! Like, we know. Yeah, let's do it over. But nah, that's not how, that's not how it works. You have to fulfill it from start to finish. That's not how life works, baby. Yeah, but that's not how life works neither. So, um. Yeah, that's true. But that was, that was, that was, that was, that was a great seeing that, uh, seeing those

[00:16:40] guys mess up actually helped everybody. And I'm sure it helped them, but, um, so yeah, that was, that was beautiful. That was, that was a, that was a rose moment that it was a really strong reminder that, yo, like, we can't cut corners. And they ain't cut corners. They, it was just one simple thing that they didn't do. I could say this part.

[00:17:05] They didn't ask the, uh, person who gave them the information to repeat it back. Like, that little bit of not being known what you're preparing for can literally alter everybody's life. Yeah. So I was like, yeah, nah. Yeah, nah. You need to be, you need to be fully aware. Yeah. But, um, it's cool. It's cool. I think I'm a, what I'm not going to wait to like reoccurring training comes up to keep on refreshing it up.

[00:17:33] Anytime I got free time, I'm gonna just, you know, open up my main, we'll go through things that I feel a little iffy on it just to freshen up, even though there's certain planes I don't see because they don't fly out of New York doesn't mean that I shouldn't be knowledgeable on that. So that was my rose. Uh, my bud, something I'm looking forward to. Copping that shirt, gang. That shirt's tough. I just gotta find a place to wear it. You know, I don't even think I'll be able to wear it this, uh, this spring or, or summer.

[00:18:04] It's a leather. It's leather. Yeah. You wanna be wearing New York? You can find some more to wear. Yeah, but, mm, I don't know where it might be hot over there too. But yeah, nah, uh, that was, that was, uh, that's my, that's my, uh, bud, my thorn. Um, hmm. Something that was in my side. I think, I guess it goes into the episode, so I'll just transition into that.

[00:18:30] I had therapy this week, uh, my last session, uh, with Miss Linda. Um, so we, we, we, we had a nice talk and we kind of recapped all the things that we went through, uh, in this journey. She asked me a couple of questions about a couple of people that I've, uh, spoken to her about throughout our therapy session.

[00:18:53] And I had made mention of, uh, if I had made mention to something to the, to the extent of if I could have done this over, I would have did this or whatever, whatever, whatever. And, um, she was telling me that that was a, uh, that's, that, that's the bargaining stage of grief. Where you, where you have that, damn if I could have did this over thing.

[00:19:23] So I'll give a little bit more context to that. Uh, I'll do it in a story. I'll do it in a story format. So, um, I had a person come over, right? I'm ready to joke, but alright. I had a person come over. Nah, we here for the jokes. We go, yeah, yeah, yeah, nah, it's not a serious problem. Uh, I had a person come over to collect some things that they left behind.

[00:19:53] And this is not the first time we didn't did the exchange of properties throughout our course, but it always in the exchange, it always came with maybe a conversation. No, it, oh yeah, it always came with a conversation and with the conversation came with, uh, a changing of direction, of course, but this one was a little bit different. This one, uh, this one, how can I say it?

[00:20:21] Uh, this one was very brief and silent and silent, but it was, it happened slowly. It was like a slow death, but it wasn't, but it was, it was fast and speed, but it felt slow. If that makes sense. It was kind of like the first time I saw her walk into that room when she got announced. Um, see, I'm here for the jokes, right? Oh shit.

[00:20:46] It was like, heard the name, looked over, it was like, oh, yeah, she came out. It felt like it was in slow motion. Niggas don't care about me, that's right though. Nah, definitely, definitely did. Cause as soon as it ended, I was out. Yeah, that's true. All right. Um, so how can I, how can I do this? It wasn't bad though. Like, but I don't know what I expected to happen in a sense.

[00:21:15] So, uh, the person came, they got their belongings and they literally left. So I was telling my, uh, therapist about it and I was like, damn, there was something that did happen though, that I kinda, I don't like how that could have came off. So, you remember, uh, the, uh, my man's left this umbrella here, but I thought it belonged to her. Right.

[00:21:44] So when I gave her the umbrella, she was like, that's not mine. And in my mind, I'm like, she didn't say that in a way or maybe, okay, let me not do that. I interpreted the way it came off as it belonged to another woman. And in my mind, I'm like, damn, I should have, if I felt like that's how, but then I'm like, damn, I don't, how do you even explain that?

[00:22:11] I told him, there's nothing to explain because in reality, there's more chance that it's one of ours. Cause we ain't here all the time than it's some other random chick. Yeah. But the way it sounded like that ain't mine. Yeah. But it ain't. Nah. But I know I get, I get it. I get it. It was awesome. Like, I don't know. I don't know what bitch is. But that would go to show. Does she know you? Do you know me?

[00:22:40] Um, the thing about it is though, you can't put it past anybody. Okay. That's literally it. Can't put it past. You can't put it as great as Lashawn is bro. None of us are really perfect. You can't put it past that. He would know who umbrella that is though. Well, maybe he thought it was yours. Yeah. Cause you know, it was crazy. Homie was like, yo, is this my umbrella? And I said, nah, cause I, I dead ass thought, nah, that belonged to shorty. He, he better. Yeah. So I'm like, nah, nah, not sure. That's not yours. I know it was yours, bro. Yeah.

[00:23:09] That's why I hit the chat. I'm like, yo, bye bye. It was yours. Yeah. Guess it was yours. You know what I'm saying? So, um, so in my mind, I was like, yo, like, damn, I hope she don't think I had another girl here, blah, blah, blah. Nigga. So. Why would that matter? Why would that matter? That's my thing. It's litter here. Fuck it. I'm a bachelor, baby. I'm saying. Nah, but yeah. True, but like a week after that's kind of tough. For who? A week after what?

[00:23:39] A week after what, LaShawn? Last seeing the person. A week after what, though? Last seeing the person. You last seen the person. But what's the what? To be fucking somebody else? Oh, my bro. Yeah, keep that kid rolling while you're fighting for the water. You see sound crazy. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. Still, he still feel the same way. I feel the same way. I feel the same way. Cause being here don't mean none of that. That I can't fuck somebody else? Joe, you talking frivolous. I'm just saying.

[00:24:09] You could be. How about what? I'm sure there's been women here that haven't got the, you know what I mean? They just pull up and just hang out. You know what I'm saying? Cause you a good vibe, bro. I don't know where he going. I'm trying to help you, bro. Help me with what? With your mentality. I think you fucking be up right now. I don't want you thinking that you doing anything weird because that's not your body, bro. No, no, no, no, no. I'm talking about how it looks. It don't look no way either. Anybody here. This is your house. You pay your rent.

[00:24:37] It could be any woman in your life being in here at any time. I ain't gonna lie. You be, I ain't gonna lie. You be, you be on bullshit. Some weeks you really be just, bro. I'm on bullshit this week? Yeah, right? I don't know, man. I don't know, bro. But continue. No. Because, so at what space are y'all that you can, she can come to your crib and she see another girl shit? Like what's, what space are y'all in that it's okay? Man, but the thing is, I'm, I'm. You would be fucked up.

[00:25:04] I'm coming from, no, I'm coming from a place of how long has this shit been, been rocky? You know what I'm saying? But even that. You keep saying a week. I said, what the, a week of what? Even that. I do understand what you mean. That's what I'm saying. Even, even that, even that, right? There's a level of couf. Okay. That you do it. You know what I'm saying? So even if I did have somebody else, I ain't gonna have a, a, a, a woman. A brush, a brush or some way. Yeah. Just on the table. When yo, I could have put that away. Absolutely. I have closets. Absolutely.

[00:25:34] Mad closet space. Absolutely. Mad hangers. Absolutely. So I don't need that out for her to see. That would be, y'all know my saying, be sad, don't ever be corny. Right. Which is why. That's corny. Which is why the umbrella being there is who you are, which is not corny. Right. But I'm telling you, if you heard the, that ain't mine. Oh, but that ain't no girl neither. But no, it's not. All right. So in that, in that moment, were you trying to protect your, who your character or are you trying to save her from being her? Yeah.

[00:26:04] Because I got questions. Because if she ain't coming back, it don't matter what she think of you. Because I think you think about yourself instead of how she felt. No, because you still want to, you still want to, you still want to leave any situation on a, at least a decent ground. Like I'm not going to. And the umbrella did that? It could have. It could have. Because if she is under the impression that yo, damn. I'm fucking with somebody else already? Damn man. Keep behind the drawers, Pop. Where's the facts though? But that's all an assumption.

[00:26:34] It's a pen though. But you don't, you don't want to, uh, deliberately make somebody do that. You know what I'm saying? Like, but imagine, like, imagine me having a baldy, but I have a low cut and I have like a, an OD cone. A hair pick. Yeah. Or something that would have gave the impression like yo, a woman was here. But imagine erasing all the time that you have proven who you are to her and erasing it with one moment and one time. That is an assumption. Isn't that just a terrible way to operate?

[00:27:05] Um, it depends. It depends because people switch up. You could be good to somebody for mad long and then just go off the rail and do some pivotal fucked up shit with the intent to like, I could have went out my way. I want to hurt you. Yeah. I could have went out my way to pump fake like a shorty was here and no girl was here. Nigga could have went to stole, bought some drawers and put them shit in the room. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I could have left the door cracked and it looked like it smelled. You crazy. I could have a fake body in the room. I could have been sick. You know what I'm saying?

[00:27:35] So there is, there is, there is, uh, things that could have done to intentionally do that. But that, that, uh, that's a sure. That was a quick story time. But in, after I got off the phone with her, um, Uh, uh, yeah. Therapist. My therapist. I was going to text Dane about something, but then I saw that Dane text me like a book to read. So, uh, I was going to go to the gym and work out and I was like, you know what?

[00:28:02] Let me go cop the book and you know, do my workout listening to the book. And the book is called, uh, sorry, Dane. The book is called Never Split the Difference. Negotiating as if your life depends on it by Chris Voss. So, uh, while I was working out, I read, I was, I read the first chapter of the book

[00:28:25] and it basically discussed, uh, his time in the FBI working as a negotiator, uh, dealing with terrorists, kidnappers and, and things of that, uh, nature. And, um, in the midst of the book, he, after he finished, he went to, uh, Harvard University to, uh, debate or go through negotiating tactics with people who are actually in school to see if he needed to freshen up on his tools.

[00:28:55] And he ended up just smoking everybody. And he was, he realized that, uh, the FBI's training is a little bit more, uh, stronger than the educational training. Mm-hmm . So I finished work out, but the book was, uh, becoming, um, I became more intrigued with the book and, um, in, in the 1970s, they, uh, the FBI fucked up this negotiation terrorist,

[00:29:23] uh, where they was letting off some kidnappers, but the FBI got too impatient and they shot at the plane. They missed. And he ended up killing everybody. Mm-hmm . And, uh, what, uh, Chris realized is that there is no emotional intelligence when it came to negotiation back in the 70s. Mm-hmm .

[00:29:47] So they started implementing, implementing that, which then made me correlate the, the bargaining stage of grief and learning how to negotiate. So now, uh, I, uh, I've been, like, deep in research on negotiating with grief. Mm-hmm .

[00:30:10] And, um, I give you, I give you two, I give you the most prominent example that I might have to stop saying going forward, right? You know how we say, uh, especially in our relationship, that our significant other will be, like, mad emotional. Mm-hmm . And we will use logic based off of the situation. Mm-hmm .

[00:30:38] Based off of negotiating with terrorists. Mm-hmm . And kidnappers. Mm-hmm . And, and criminals. That is a horrible idea. Okay. You never get anywhere using logic with a terrorist. That's an emotional thing. Yeah, yeah. Yo. So, I wrote some notes when I was reading the book, cause I'm like, I, if we're not supposed to be using logic with terrorists.

[00:31:08] Yeah, bro. Yo, let him cook. Let him cook. Let him cook. Let him cook. Let him cook. If we're not supposed to be using logic with terrorists, kidnappers, or villains, why are we using logic with our significant others? Right. Especially in an emotional state. Mm-hmm . So, I'm only talking about the emotional state, right? Yeah, go ahead, cook. So, he created this, uh, this concept. Well, I won't say he created.

[00:31:36] He basically, uh, enforced within the FBI something called tactical empathy. Mm-hmm . This episode is based off of my readings of chapter one. Okay. Oh, you're good then. You're good. All right. So, tactical empathy. Okay. Right? I, I basically wrote down, listening actively without interrupting, labeling their emotions out loud. So, for example, um. I'm so you're angry. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

[00:32:07] So, so, so he was like, one of the terrorists or whatever, whatever. I want $2 million. Mm-hmm . Sounds like you're mad. Why are you mad? Well, tell me why you're mad. So, I can literally understand. Yeah, yeah. So, uh, listen. Let's dissect what we got here. Number three. Mirroring their words back to them. Repeat the last few words they said softly. Mm-hmm . So, I did that to you. You're following me. You're following me. You're following me. I can't use it.

[00:32:36] Listen. Listen. Listen. Number four. I fucked that bitch. What? You think I'm gonna fly? I ain't gonna lie. You're going too far today. You need to relax. I did fuck that bitch. I fucked that bitch. That's insane. Make them feel safe so they drop their guard. Five. Use what you learn to guide them towards a solution that benefits you both.

[00:33:05] So, so, kidnapper, kidnapper kidnaps Don. That's right. That nigga's impressive. He wants a ransom. Find out what he wants the ransom for. Okay. Man, my daughter has cancer. I can't afford the surgery, this, that and the third. This nigga takes Don. Or he holds everybody captive for this ransom for a cause. Right? Cool. John Q vibes.

[00:33:35] Yeah. What if I tell you, if you release the hostages, we could get your daughter the best doctor in the world, this, that and the third. I'll even go ahead and set it up now. I know a doctor in California. I set it up. We'll have a helicopter there for you and your daughter, whatever, whatever. Just let everybody go. We're gonna do the best that we can. So you put their guard down. You empathize with them.

[00:34:01] But you're trying to get to a point, a solution that benefits you and the kidnapper. I meet their demands. Right. I meet your demands. You're real. You don't even want the money yourself to do anything luxurious. You want to be a father. I'm gonna help you be a good father. Just let these people go. Right? Let them go. So now we do this in a relationship concept. I wanted to add though, don't they be lying to these niggas though? Hey, I'm gonna get you. Not all the time. Okay.

[00:34:30] That's also what I learned too. Now I don't really want to spoil it for Dane. But not all the time. Okay. Because you don't want to run the risk. You're right there. You're at mercy. That you think I'm bullshitting you to get what I want. So I have to at least be tactically empathetic with you to enough to get you to feel comfortable that if you scratch my back, I am going to alleviate the stress off of yours. Mm-hmm. You gotta let these people go. Gotcha. Right. Because I need you not to kill anybody.

[00:34:59] So any inkling that you may feel, which goes back to number four, making them feel safe. I made you feel safe enough that, yo, you... Listen, my... Nobody understands what I'm going through except you right now. I trust you. Don't fuck this up because I'll kill these niggas. You got my word. All right. I'm going to get your daughter safe, blah, blah, blah.

[00:35:23] So if you're in a stance with your lady or your significant other, we don't judge, using tactical empathy to get what you want along with them instead of just being logical because logic don't work. Oh, you should let these people go. They have lives.

[00:35:52] I don't give a fuck about their lives, bro. I need to take care of my daughter. My daughter's life is more important than everybody here. You know what? Let me give you an example. Boom. Shoot. Dang. Now you know I'm business. Damn. You know what I'm saying? So, for example of... One of the examples of one of the negotiations that they were doing, it was like, you need to let the hostages go because it's the right thing to do.

[00:36:21] Vaz would say something to the extent like, it sounds like nobody is listening to you. And this is the only way you could get somebody's attention. You have my attention. What is the real issue here? Okay, a little risky. No, that's a grass action. It's a little risky though. You guys risky? The hostage feels heard, their walls come down, and now they're more willing to cooperate opposed to the police saying on the microphones, we got you surrounded. I don't give a fuck.

[00:36:50] I know you'll be here. Nigga, send more. You know what I'm saying? I'll give you another example of like, logical negotiating grief versus logical and emotional, right? Let's say we're in the hospital.

[00:37:17] We're in the hospital for whatever reason, nothing serious, but we see somebody, somebody just found out they lost someone. Mm-hmm. It's two people there. You, you take out your phone, you call, you call, you get every, you start getting everything in order.

[00:37:40] You start calling somebody with a church, a funeral home, insurance policies, burials, funeral homes, you clear out the apartment, you cancel their bills. Um, that's logic. That's the logic kicking in, right? Then you have, then you have, uh, Joe, who's sitting there, who's sad, who's grieving. They lost it. You know, he lost whoever they lost. They're sad. It hurts. Right?

[00:38:12] Some will say Joe is in the faster path of healing than you are. Mm-hmm. He skipped a step. Cause you took the time to feel it right away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you, it probably won't hit you, all of it, until probably after the funeral you go back home because you stuck. I can see that, yeah. You negotiated with your grief. Go more. If I get through, if I work hard or, or, or, I go through a breakup, the first thing

[00:38:40] I want to do is distract myself. I keep working. I pick up mad shifts. I just start working. Mm-hmm. I negotiate it with my grief. If I start working hard, or if I start doing more, I won't think about it. I won't feel it. Mm-hmm. That's not how that works. Mm-hmm. You're bargaining with the grief. Gotta sit and cry in that shit. So you feel like, in a moment like that, you're picking the Joe option over the person that just took action? Well, I always allow myself to feel what I'm feeling.

[00:39:08] I get, I feel like I get over things faster that way, opposed to acting like this shit not phasing me. Do you tell yourself you get over it fast, or you just let you- Yeah, that's the negotiation. Like, yo, if I do this, or if I lock in, or if I go zero dark 30 or whatever, if I get off the gram, if I distract myself, if I do something that's gonna take up the time of me mourning whatever I lost, then that's negotiating with grief. You know what's crazy?

[00:39:35] I think this is a whole different episode, but what is actually getting over, what does that mean? Like, what does it feel like? What does it mean? Is it a realistic thing? So you could go to, well, originally there were five stages, but now there's seven. The first, the original five was denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and then acceptance. Also, I thought acceptance was first, you know? No. Acceptance is last. Acceptance is last. Anger's first. Yeah. Okay. But the new, no, anger's second.

[00:40:04] The new, the new stages, they added two more. It's shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, testing, and then acceptance. Testing. Testing. The fuck you testing? I'll tell you. I'm glad you asked. Yes. Yes. Seeking realistic solutions, finding ways to cope. So that's the phase. It's a phase. That's a phase. A testing phase. A little practice.

[00:40:34] A little practice before the real thing. I'm outside. I'm, uh, I'm with, I'm with a girl to, to not, I move on quick. I'm testing. That's testing? Yeah. Okay. But that's after anger or shock, anger. All right. So I'll read all of them. Shock is the initial shock of hearing bad news. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Got it. You could be in disbelief. Denial is trying to annoy the, uh, Nah. No way. Yeah. I'm gonna act them all out.

[00:41:03] I'm gonna act them all out. All right. Avoid, uh, thoughts or feelings about the loss. Nah. Fuck that. Nah. Anger, frustration. Yeah. Outpouring of, uh, bold emotions. You need to rely on this. No anger, constipation. This thing is a wall. Uh, bargaining. Mm-hmm. Looking for a way out.

[00:41:32] You could have thoughts like, if I only had... Ah, you did it. Yeah, I did that. Okay. Uh... God, please take me instead. That's... Bargaining. Yup. That's a bargain. Yeah. That's crazy. Uh, depression. Final realization of the inadorable. I gotta hear. I didn't mean to be depressed. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Like, seeking realistic solutions, finding a way to cope. Are you, uh, I'm outside.

[00:42:01] Yeah, I'm outside. I'm outside. Where the hoes at? Yup. Yup. Yup. Yup. Yup. Yup. Yup. Yup. And then acceptance is finding ways to keep going, accepting that a new reality cannot be changed. My rose for the week. Uh-uh. There you go. So that's the moving on. I feel like when you accept... It's exciting though.

[00:42:43] It's exciting though. You know what's crazy? I, I, I accepted me and Elizabeth was never getting back together when she, not when she got married, but when she had that kid. Nigga said... Oh, nah. Nigga said, is that a bump? Is that a bump? Nigga, I hope you got gas. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, but yeah, that's crazy. That, that, yeah. But yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so... The grief is a, man. The grief is a wicked bitch, bro. It is.

[00:43:13] It is. So, um, so, uh, here are some of the things that he talked about within negotiation. Mm-hmm. I'm not saying that we use these tactics... Sound like a good idea to me. For, uh, for any, uh, what's the word we like to use out here? Um, that we teetered the line if it's good or bad. Um, manipulation. Um, but, here, here are some things that I...

[00:43:41] Honestly, it sounded like manipulation. What a word. What a word. Uh, let's just go with what I, what I got gathered. Cook, nigga. One of the, one of the things he pride himself in his negotiation is the illusion of control. Oh, yeah. You got it, boss. Sure, bro, nigga. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, a nigga you know you can knock out and you let him feel, bro. You got it, you got it, bro. You got it, you got it. No problem. It's all good. Nah.

[00:44:10] My fault, my fault, bro. Yup! You make him feel like... Y'all got one over on that nigga. Yeah, but you know in DPM mind... Ow. Ow! Ow! Ow! As soon as he... Matter of fact, those 10 niggas over there was waiting for me to come in. I'm just mad late and they looking at it over here like, yo, you good? You good? Everything good. Yeah, bro, it's good. Yeah. So you give them the illusion of control, right? Shout out to Nas. In grief, we bargain. Like you say, yo, God, if you bring them back, I'll change.

[00:44:40] Or you tell your significant other, yo... If you give me another chance, baby, please, baby, please. That's a fact. Okay. That is the illusion of control. Ah. Whoa. Yeah. So you... That's not in a bad way though, is it? That's... Our favorite word that we're... It might be manipulation. We might change the show to what's a good guy. We gonna change the show to what's a good guy to what's manipulation. What's manipulation? Cause nah, bro, like, yeah.

[00:45:10] Yeah, yeah, yeah. You give me another chance. Ah, that's like fire. Yeah, yeah. Manipulation ain't all that bad. It don't work. Baby, please. So, so, so, babe, if you give me another chance, I promise I'll get my act together. The illusion is... Well, not an illusion, but in context of what I read, she is giving me the opportunity to be better at winning. To show that you're... To come back. Okay. I'm telling her, yo, if you allow me to come back, so it's your ball is in your court,

[00:45:39] I'll be a better man. Mm-hmm. But regardless, you'll be a better man, right? No matter what. That depends. That depends. That depends on... That depends if I actually wanna be one of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay, okay. Negoti... Voss would say negotiation is never about control. It's about influence and connection, not force. So you're not forcing her to, you know, give you a chance. I'm making you make the option, but I already know what you're gonna choose, so it's... Right. Benefits both of us.

[00:46:06] I alleviate a little bit control, you feel like, oh, I'm giving you... I'm just saying. That's so sick. Just be with me again. I love you the love of my life. Yeah, you gotta get... Keep the story going, brother. So, he also said that your emotional intelligence shouldn't come in desperation. You should start off with it. So, let's say Voss doesn't get to the scene, and the police already start off on 10. Wow. We have you surrounded. We wilding. There's no coming out. Let them out. Tension's high.

[00:46:36] Yeah, the tension is high. And now, yo, he's not budging. He already killed Dane, right? So, he's proving that he's gonna knock these people off. I thought he just shot Dane in the thigh. All right, my fault. Right? So, now it's like, nah, you only trying to come around because I killed Dane. Mm-hmm. Opposed to starting off, hey, what's going on, man? Yeah, exactly. So, which will go to the tactical empathy, understanding the emotions to lead the conversation, opposed to just using logic, logic, logic.

[00:47:05] When she's starting to say, I feel, versus you saying, that's, you know, you just being logical, you never addressed the real issue in this negotiation is what she truly felt all along. Mm-hmm. So, in bargaining, we often ignore our emotions to escape them. And then, uh, say yes to nothing without the why. Mm. So, I'm not gonna say, so, the cancer, right?

[00:47:35] I'm not gonna say, yo, we're gonna release you. Mm. Why do you want this money? Mm. You know what I'm saying? All right, we're gonna give you a million dollars. I want a million dollars. All right, we're gonna give it to you. Mm-hmm. Let them go. Nigga, I'm up M-M and I knock these niggas off? No! So, saying yes without understanding motivation is weak. In grief, we say yes to healing but haven't asked, why do I feel stuck? Mm.

[00:48:04] Why, why, why, why can't I get over this hill? Why, you know what I'm saying? You just, ah, I'm over it. Eh, yeah, okay. You're negotiating with yourself, right? Cool. Uh, yeah, I said some shit about, uh, using silence as less. Leverage. In grief, we also, uh, we often feel silence with internal peddling. Oh, internal pleading, sorry.

[00:48:30] Uh, what if the silence of, of nothing is a part of the healing? Right? So, boom. We talked about, oh, what would be wrong if a girl was already here? Mm-hmm. Am I really healing if I had a new shorty here a week later after coaching? Depends on your process. Maybe. That's probably our Patreon episode. But, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what? Yeah.

[00:48:59] Sign up for that Patreon. I'm gonna drop the ad. It's a goodie. It's a goodie. It's a goodie. Right here. What's going on, y'all? If you listen to this episode, don't forget to subscribe to our Patreon. If you want to join the Patreon, you can sign up for our certified Good Guy tier. It's a $5 tier. Want less bacon, egg, and cheese a month? Tap in with us, man. Or you can do the executive producer tier, where if you have your own podcast topic that you would love us to talk about or you want to chime in about, you could join that tier.

[00:49:27] Or the best tier, in my opinion, is the front row seat, where you have an imaginary front row seat right here next to me and Don. You watch us live every Saturday. Chime in. Chat. That's where we could get to use, you know, talking to chat. You could give us live feedback. You could see all of our recordings from start to finish, the bloopers, even the part where Joe tells us to cut that part out. Subscribe to our Patreon, where we drop every Monday and Thursday.

[00:49:59] But yeah, yeah, yeah. Now we're back. But yeah, silence can also help with your grief. You know what I'm saying? Quieting out the noise. You know, sometimes it get lonely or whatever. Um, and I'm not quick to just scroll through my contacts to see who's available to pull up. What's up, Nick? Yeah. Facts. Just because I'm avoiding, you know, that feeling of being alone.

[00:50:26] Um, and last, I talked about this often. Uh, but it's called mirroring and labeling the pain. Voss often repeats the last three words and labeled their emotions. So it seems like you're in a lot of pain. Bargaining is often unspoken. Labeling your grief might be the first real negotiation with yourself. Can you mirror your own childhood traumas and finally listen? Mm.

[00:50:50] Um, so yeah, I actually literally after reading, uh, chapter one, I was like, damn, maybe I went about this whole logic over emotion thing. Totally wrong, which is why I'd never yield the results. So, women are always right. We apologize.

[00:51:13] So, a terrorist, uh, kidnappers, and criminals, their, their, their, their lash outs are wrong. He said that. But in principle, whatever their, whatever the core root of it, you can at least empathize with them and that's where you meet them at. I don't, I think I'm gonna stop going straight for the, the kidnapping. Mm. Or whatever, whatever terroristic threat she did to me.

[00:51:43] Um, what is the motivation behind this, you know? Mm-hmm. And try to negotiate and come to a common ground with, with that person. So, I, uh, this book has a couple more chapters and, uh, it felt good. I felt good to, uh, to be inspired again as far as like creative episodes. For a while, I couldn't think of nothing.

[00:52:08] So, I was always grateful when you or Kwani wrote down an episode I did because I guess I had creative, creative block. Mm-hmm. I couldn't think of anything to, to talk about. So, that book has really inspired me. Mm-hmm. It got my brain flowing and I just think the timing of the story that I told earlier with, uh, with the young lady getting her things. And the crazy thing is she came looking mad good. Mm-hmm. They know what they doing. Ain't, ain't what fucked me up for a little bit? What's this?

[00:52:36] Her perfume stayed in the crib for like two extra days. Ah. You just bring this nigga hurt in you. This nigga, I was mopping so much, bro. I felt like, but you know when you, I don't know if it was, uh, I don't know how to explain it, but like, there's a possibility that I was smelling it and it wasn't around. It was just trapped in my head. It was just mental. Yeah. So, at that point, did you accept it when the smell went away?

[00:53:01] I accepted it, uh, yo, that's so tough. Oh, my God. I accepted it, maybe three days later. Mm-hmm. I think I accepted it once I started reading the book. No bullshit. Mm-hmm. No bullshit. So, when I bought the book, I think I bought the book, we had, we had therapy on Monday. I bought the book, Monday night, literally.

[00:53:30] We had therapy, we had, we had therapy. I worked out that night. Mm-hmm. I bought the book, uh, started listening to it. Um, then, then I, I don't like e-books where the voices isn't the author. Mm-hmm. I like to, yeah. I want you to hear. Yeah, so then I, then I, the Apple got it good out of me. So, I got the e-book and the actual book. So, I'm on the treadmill now. I set it for 75 minutes. Mm-hmm. And I just, the whole time, just reading the book. Like, sweating into the book. Sweating butt.

[00:53:58] Like, I'm intrigued, cause like, his tactics, like, I'm trying to like, hear it with like, cinema. And you trying to picture your own life. Yeah, picturing how the, uh, how the negotiation is, uh, going in real life. And it makes, and it actually makes sense to me that like, you probably don't get where you want just always being logical. Because not everybody has sense. Everybody has emotions. So.

[00:54:27] There's some emotionless people too. I don't believe that. I feel like they do a real job being. Oh, masking it. Yeah, but, every, every, uh, anger is emotion. Uh, psychopaths have that, that has some sort of emotion to, to do what they do. I think everybody has an emotion. Not everybody has logic. And, or more people have emotions than logic. Why, yeah, cause why don't everybody. Everybody, why. You gotta do probability.

[00:54:57] It's more probable that you have some sort of emotion than some sort of logic. Yeah, everything. Matter of fact, I'll correct that statement and think everybody has both. It's just not all at the same level. Yeah. But at least. Everybody has logic, bro. I think basic emotion or, or surface level emotion. I can reach you with basic level of logic because people just be in their own world. So, in a sense.

[00:55:26] Um, so yeah, as I, as I, as I continue to read the book, um, I might, I might develop new theories on, on how, how, I can't wait to like the business aspect of it goes and how to negotiate what you want. Because he, uh, in chapter one, he talks about like the course that he went through, through at Harvard. And it was a class of, uh, I think I, I forgot the number, but when I did the, when I did the division, it was 34. Mm-hmm.

[00:55:56] So, the professors, uh, put, put them in different sections. Mm-hmm. And you had to be a business owner. You had to want something from the business and you had to negotiate. Everybody that he negotiated with, he left with a profit. Damn. And, but, but the. That nigga good. But here's, here's the crazy part. They didn't know the assignment. Uh, they didn't share. Who he was with them? Yeah. No, he didn't know.

[00:56:24] Nobody knew who they were dealing with an FBI agent. Copy. He showed up as a student. Matter of fact, he negotiated with Harvard to get into the class. I guess. That was like his first theory. He was just doing it for sport. He wasn't even a student. He just went to like the bursal office. Hey, I want to take this class. Da, da, da, da, da. Blah, blah, blah. Oh, the class is full. Hey, can you make an exception for me? Blah, blah, blah. Uh, no, we can't really do that. Hey, I'm doing research for the FBI. This would be great. Blah, blah, blah. Here's my badge. Blah, blah, blah. Uh, oh, we found room for you.

[00:56:54] So for Harvard, it's like, oh, we got a real FBI. This would be great for the course. This would be great for, yeah. Him, he gets it. Every, there's benefits. There's benefits. So he did it all the way through. Might have to change my career path. So. That shit sounds cool. I actually want to read that shit now. So, so, so. Worse. Yo, send that link. Yeah. Shoot me. So, so, uh. I'm trying to read the comments book right now. At the end of the class. Well, not at the end of the, uh, the semester. But at the end of the, the assignment. Mm.

[00:57:24] They all went around and said, hey Joe, you know, you, uh, you negotiated with, uh, LaShawn. Blah, blah, blah. What did you leave with? They say they number. The professor's like, what the fuck? Okay, Don, you did the same thing with LaShawn. What did you leave with? You say the number. You're like, what the fuck? Mm-hmm. So now the professor's like, wait, who, who, who is this? Who is this? Who is in my class? Because essentially, he all made 500, uh, percent profit off all of you guys.

[00:57:53] How did he do this? Now, and all of them are looking there stunned because they're all Harvard students. They feel like they left, they left every negotiation with him feeling like they made a man, until the professor said, yo, you threw the whole business away. You're going to fail in two years. So yeah, this, this, this book has really, um, has really enticed me along with, uh, along

[00:58:19] with understanding like you can't bargain with grief and even learning the negotiations tactics. I actually wanted to learn when I first realized I was bargaining with my grief. I then saw the book and I was like, let me see if I can negotiate my grief a little bit better. Mm. Right? It's insane. But then when I started reading it and then he talks about, you know, being more empathetic, I was like, I bet that maybe I should be a little bit more gentle with myself during

[00:58:46] whatever this grieving stage reminds me of, whether it's massive. And just because I say grieving, I don't mean I'm bottled up, you know, don't do a wellness check. I'm fine. I'm fine. But like, at least understanding what I'm going through and then, you know, dealing with it as such. At that, in that moment when you- So I stopped doing like, damn, if, if I could have did that over, I probably would have, you know, asked her how her day was or where you were coming from. Cause like, yo, she, she had like, I'd never seen her in a jersey before.

[00:59:14] I'm like, yo, this is a dope little fit you got on. Where you, first of all, where you coming from? You know what I'm saying? But I thought that'd be corny, ask her where she coming from. That ain't none of my business. You know what I'm saying? So I have a question. Or did you have a question? That's what I asked him. Um, even reading this book, did you ever think about her grief at any point? Uh, yes. That's a hard-hitting question. But the key thing, the key thing in negotiation, you got to tell them what you want. I can't help you with your grief if I never knew what you wanted. Mm. Or, or, or I can't- Communication.

[00:59:44] Yeah, I can't, communication. I can't, communication. Yeah. Like I said that one, huh? I feel like that's the, that's the, the gist of all of that, right? Like, I can't, we can't come to a common ground if, if, if I don't know your grief. What you want to be compensated or what's going on with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, what's going on with you. Yeah, facts. Facts. Um, is there, is there one specific reason that you can pinpoint right now why you didn't say anything at all?

[01:00:15] Grief was negotiating a side or a side. Um. In the moment, in your emotions. Why didn't you say a word? The body language was off. That's what it was to you? Yeah, it didn't, it didn't, it didn't really feel. It didn't scream like I want to be here. Uh, they played the door a lot. Mm. So you know how y'all all come in, y'all walk in, at least living room action. It ain't that much space in here, you know what I'm saying? You can end up in the kitchen. Or the bedroom.

[01:00:46] Or the bathroom for this. You know what I mean? You hear me there, P. So, so, uh, yo. I'll take you serious, yo. Yo. Nah, I feel you though, I feel you though. Nah, valid point. I feel you. I was making another joke. Yeah, so, so. Nah, bro. Yeah, the body language just, it gave off all assumptions. That's all my, my assumptions because words would never exchange that, yo, let me just get my things and be out. And get out of here, yeah.

[01:01:16] Yeah, facts. So, that's what I did. So what vibe, what vibe you thought you gave off? That's a great question. Good question. My therapist asked me, Linda asked me that too. That was my follow-up. I told her, you know, at first, what I did, cause like the usual is always a conversation. So when she came, none of her stuff was packed. It's not like her stuff was packed in it. Like I could have been shysty, had it outside the door and you just grab, you never, we never see each other.

[01:01:45] But I knew where everything was, but I just, I think it would look corny if it was already packed here, you go, go about your business, whatever, whatever. So packing in front of her not crazy though? A few seconds. Let me see each other. No, bro. Yo, bro, I don't think, in my opinion, I didn't get straight to it. I opened up the door. You know what I'm saying? Hey, what's up? Hey, what's up? I don't think he said that. She played the door. So what'd you say, LA? I said, hello. Hello. Not hello, but like, hello. Hello, how you doing? It's me.

[01:02:16] I thought that shit was so awkward, bro. Yeah, it was. That shit was so awkward. Yeah, because what do you say, bro? Yeah, it was. It was. It was. You better off saying nothing, Lowkey. Because if you start saying too much, it becomes, you fall back into that pattern Then I start kissing like in the movies. You look good, you smell good today. Word. I would've made a joke. You know why I'm sorry. And that's it. That's when you end up in that- I would've had it giggly in here, bro. You end up in that fucking- That turn again, my man. You're so stupid. Just come inside, sit down. That's what your go-to was?

[01:02:46] Oh. Joke. This is two separate situations. Two completely situations. You're a weak. Two different situations. One time, one time, I had somebody pop up unexpected. That's not nice. Right? Bold move. Bold move. Bold move. 10 out of 10. Very successful. Nixon will recommend. Very successful move that she pulled. Very successful. Right?

[01:03:16] But in my mind, she came, she had came. The person came to my crib with her face beat, smelled good, nicely dressed. I'm like, yo, where you coming from? She was like, coming from the crib. I said, wait, you came from the crib looking like that just to pull up on me? Like, who you was with? She was like, why is that? As a matter of fact, I'm lying. I never said that out loud. I said that after. I told her after, like, yo, were you out with a nigga?

[01:03:45] And then it was like, nah, this is corny. I'm going to go get my man back. But yeah, man. I hope you've got heard this episode, man. Fellas. Negotiate for what you want. We deal with, uh... Suicide bomber? Suicide bomber. Shorty got a dead man switch on. We deal with suicide bombers. Five blocks of C4. So, you know, I used to be a strong advocate of logic over emotion because what are you talking about?

[01:04:14] Now, I plan to be a good negotiator, meet in common grounds where both the person on the other side and my side can walk away with things we want. And I will not be using none of these tactics that I learned in a manipulation way. I mean, a manipulative way. Sorry for my English. As I read this book, I'm going to get the book. In my mind, I want to be a surgeon and I want to be a negotiator.

[01:04:42] I want to get to the bottom, get to the root problem, and I want to kill out that cancer. All right? Okay, that's a good way to look at it. I was, uh... I was already so locked in, I already got the cover art made for the episode. I love it. Yeah, so... Negotiating the grief. Down the camera guy, Don Peasley. Alongside of LaShawn. Kojo's here, J-O, underscore guy, g-g-g-g-game. And... Al Dane. Damn. You want to tell his last name too, brother?

[01:05:12] Yo, G-V-C, underscore, underscore, underscore, underscore, underscore, underscore. Man, you know God is the greatest of all time. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, before we go, uh... My nigga, shout out to, uh, Kershell. If you hear this, everything will be all right, gang. Promise. One day at a time, man. One day at a time, Kershell. Uh, and always, God is the greatest, baby. God's the greatest.