Episode 293: Ball Up Top

[00:00:00] I love that like this that exists.

[00:00:01] You just...

[00:00:02] I don't look for the...

[00:00:04] I'm not in corporate no more, so...

[00:00:06] I don't care for the corporate jobs or the tech jobs or the shit, so I don't...

[00:00:09] The other shit that everybody talks about is the shit that I'm...

[00:00:12] I look for shit that nobody really knows about.

[00:00:15] Well, I can't because you do what you love.

[00:00:17] I'm gonna send it to y'all right now, actually.

[00:00:19] You don't be thinking like, damn, I wanna have fun at work.

[00:00:22] For what?

[00:00:23] Like, I wanna enjoy when I get paid.

[00:00:25] When I get paid, that's the fun.

[00:00:27] I'm not...

[00:00:28] But my thing is, the type of work I like to do, I don't wanna...

[00:00:31] I like to control what I wanna do.

[00:00:33] I like to have the option to go here, go there.

[00:00:37] Yeah, sorry?

[00:00:38] How you doing?

[00:00:39] Back to the team.

[00:00:42] Just...

[00:00:42] The corporate shit, I just don't like it, bro.

[00:00:45] So...

[00:00:46] Everything I do now is just the complete opposite of that.

[00:00:48] The insurance thing, it's on my time, on my schedule, when I wanna do it.

[00:00:52] I choose where I wanna go.

[00:00:54] Same thing for the contents thing.

[00:00:56] I choose if I wanna go there, how long I wanna be there for.

[00:01:01] It's just, yeah, I'm fun at work.

[00:01:04] For what?

[00:01:05] Besides a puppet match, bro.

[00:01:06] What I wanna talk to these niggas for.

[00:01:08] I haven't even met the people that...

[00:01:10] That's literally how you feel at work.

[00:01:12] So I like to tell that work.

[00:01:13] Bro.

[00:01:14] Hey, I don't need to be buddy-buddy with people, bro.

[00:01:17] Yeah, really?

[00:01:18] You in the sky.

[00:01:19] He in the sky, bro.

[00:01:20] It's in certain realms.

[00:01:22] It's like even in the production realm, it's good to like mix and mingle with people.

[00:01:28] Cuz you never know who'll get you another job.

[00:01:30] Or who can get you the extra bread.

[00:01:32] So it's like, eh.

[00:01:34] But certain jobs, certain places, like...

[00:01:35] You don't fucking need to talk.

[00:01:37] Like LA's job, he doesn't need to talk to anybody for us.

[00:01:39] So LA, are you living your dream right now?

[00:01:40] No.

[00:01:41] Okay, now what if somebody that you work with...

[00:01:44] Is the degree of separation that you need to live your dream?

[00:01:48] And you just over here not talking to nobody.

[00:01:50] They'll talk to me.

[00:01:53] Oh, cuz that's what God...

[00:01:54] That's what God's gonna do.

[00:01:55] If it's supposed to happen, they will talk to me, right?

[00:01:58] Yeah.

[00:01:58] What's for me is for me.

[00:01:59] Is that our way of talking ourselves out of it?

[00:02:02] Yup.

[00:02:02] That's it.

[00:02:03] That's all it is.

[00:02:04] You know what's another way?

[00:02:05] Ball up top.

[00:02:08] Yo, you already know what you're supposed to be.

[00:02:10] Your lover is always Dal Peasley.

[00:02:12] Alongside a...

[00:02:12] You know what?

[00:02:13] Yeah!

[00:02:15] Yeah!

[00:02:17] Alongside a LaShawn.

[00:02:18] Here we go.

[00:02:18] Have a beautiful day here, everyone.

[00:02:20] See, shout out to the good brothers of Pulling Up.

[00:02:21] Shout out to all y'all for like, comment, subscribing.

[00:02:23] Doing everything I do every week.

[00:02:24] We do appreciate y'all.

[00:02:25] Hope you're having a beautiful day or morning, whatever time you're listening to this.

[00:02:31] Don't forget to post this in your Instagram or something.

[00:02:35] Share it to a friend.

[00:02:36] Share it to a co-worker, you know?

[00:02:39] Move me out of my mama's basement.

[00:02:40] Do something.

[00:02:41] Help me out.

[00:02:42] Help, brother.

[00:02:43] How y'all feeling?

[00:02:44] We got the Kwanster in the building again.

[00:02:45] We got JoJo in the building.

[00:02:47] Hello.

[00:02:48] That's a nice Jackie.

[00:02:49] That's a nice Jackie.

[00:02:49] That's a nice Jackie.

[00:02:49] I'm saying that, bro.

[00:02:50] I like that.

[00:02:51] You know what I'm saying?

[00:02:52] Shout out to Wale, you know what I'm saying?

[00:02:53] I ain't even peep.

[00:02:54] Oh, wow.

[00:02:55] Okay.

[00:02:56] Nice little Dickies jaunt.

[00:02:57] It's a little different from what you normally wear on this pod.

[00:03:00] See you.

[00:03:01] Nigga money different.

[00:03:02] Ah, nigga money different.

[00:03:03] Nigga money different.

[00:03:04] Nigga don't gotta wear where he work no more.

[00:03:07] I'm done.

[00:03:08] I'm done.

[00:03:09] I'm done.

[00:03:10] I'm done.

[00:03:10] I'm done.

[00:03:11] I'm done.

[00:03:11] I'm done.

[00:03:13] I'm sorry, Jo.

[00:03:14] This nigga is sicko.

[00:03:16] This nigga, bro.

[00:03:17] What's wrong with him, son?

[00:03:19] Anyway.

[00:03:21] Uh, nothing much, you know.

[00:03:25] Another day, another pod.

[00:03:26] Had an interesting, uh, hmm.

[00:03:31] Had an interesting moment in life.

[00:03:34] And, uh...

[00:03:35] Let's take it there, man.

[00:03:36] Let's take it there.

[00:03:37] Let's take it there, man.

[00:03:38] Uh, I had a ball up top moment.

[00:03:41] And, um, it's actually as crazy as it sounds, it's not as traumatic as where the original

[00:03:51] ball up top came from.

[00:03:53] And if you don't know, um, there was a guy on Twitter who found out that, uh, his daughter

[00:04:00] wasn't his.

[00:04:01] Well, then what is his daughter?

[00:04:03] Huh?

[00:04:03] It wasn't his daughter.

[00:04:04] His daughter wasn't his.

[00:04:06] What'd I say?

[00:04:07] He said that.

[00:04:08] He said that.

[00:04:08] He found out his daughter wasn't his daughter.

[00:04:11] He found out some child wasn't his.

[00:04:13] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:04:13] He found a little nigga wasn't his.

[00:04:15] He found some little nigga wasn't his.

[00:04:17] And his immediate response was ball up top.

[00:04:22] Crazy.

[00:04:23] And, um, so to help, to help, uh, understand what, uh, what, uh, ball up top means in the...

[00:04:32] For our non-sports, uh...

[00:04:34] For our non-sports people.

[00:04:36] Um, damn, I actually had it written down.

[00:04:40] Wait, there's an actual, like...

[00:04:41] Yeah.

[00:04:42] Let me see this.

[00:04:43] Wow.

[00:04:44] Ball up top is a saying that indicates to return the ball to the top of the key and alert the

[00:04:51] player that the next play is happening.

[00:04:54] It often indicates when it's time to move on.

[00:04:59] Look at your ISO.

[00:05:00] That's what I did.

[00:05:01] Really?

[00:05:01] Yeah, so like checkup.

[00:05:03] Nah, I know what, I know what that, I'm saying.

[00:05:05] Start...

[00:05:06] It's like watch this.

[00:05:06] What's that last part?

[00:05:07] Okay, the saying ball up top in pickup basketball means the ball is returned to the top of the

[00:05:13] key and alert players that the next point is starting.

[00:05:16] I would say like...

[00:05:18] Okay, I'm not even about to get into the sports aspect of it.

[00:05:20] Okay, I get it.

[00:05:21] Right?

[00:05:21] Of course I get it.

[00:05:22] I understand.

[00:05:22] Um...

[00:05:23] Jesus.

[00:05:24] But, but, in the sense of when somebody, when that happened, uh, somebody retweeted it

[00:05:33] and retweeted the person and said, ball up top is a crazy phrase to tweet after the most

[00:05:39] traumatic thing happens in your life.

[00:05:42] Now, I'm bringing, I'm bringing this all in together for my ball up top moments.

[00:05:49] I don't even think I wanted...

[00:05:52] No, matter of fact, for me, it was the immediate process of, ain't shit can happen anymore.

[00:06:01] Ain't shit I can do.

[00:06:02] It's the immediate response, like...

[00:06:05] I could've...

[00:06:07] Had a conversation.

[00:06:09] I could've...

[00:06:10] Asked why.

[00:06:12] I could've asked questions.

[00:06:13] My first response, once I found out...

[00:06:18] Whatever...

[00:06:18] Was...

[00:06:19] Alright, fuck it.

[00:06:20] On to the next.

[00:06:21] I don't know what in my brain just immediately said...

[00:06:27] Yo, ball up top.

[00:06:30] Cause it was, it was literally on to the next.

[00:06:32] It was like he was playing 2K, that shit started cheating and he said, I'm playing Madden.

[00:06:35] Fuck it.

[00:06:37] Like...

[00:06:37] Oh, I cheat back.

[00:06:40] It was either one...

[00:06:41] But it, it, it was the immediate response of like, I fuck it, it is what it, it is what

[00:06:47] it is.

[00:06:47] Like, it's above me now.

[00:06:48] It's above me now.

[00:06:50] Even though, even though sometimes it's not, but it's kinda like, I think it's the first

[00:06:56] instant to move on then to dwell.

[00:06:58] It's like, yo bro, you don't...

[00:06:59] The thing about this, we don't wanna process that shit right now.

[00:07:01] Yeah, yeah.

[00:07:01] I don't...

[00:07:02] Yeah, exactly.

[00:07:02] I don't even wanna process what just happened.

[00:07:06] Let me just move on.

[00:07:07] Hang on, Frank.

[00:07:08] That situation...

[00:07:09] Let the fire burn.

[00:07:09] That situation...

[00:07:10] I wanna know...

[00:07:13] I wanna know what to do in that situation, bro.

[00:07:14] If you find out the little nigga ain't yours.

[00:07:16] Your bro, how old, how old was the young lady?

[00:07:19] Nigga, I feel like this was immediately after birth.

[00:07:21] Yeah.

[00:07:22] If she actually came out Chinese or something?

[00:07:24] Nah, nah, I don't know what the race or whatever it was, cause he didn't...

[00:07:27] He never posted the child or anything, but I guess someone or something led him to take

[00:07:33] a DNA test.

[00:07:34] Right.

[00:07:35] And the results came back, he was not the father.

[00:07:38] And it could've been, it could've been something like that.

[00:07:39] It could've been a skin tone thing.

[00:07:40] All up top.

[00:07:41] Yeah.

[00:07:43] Cause let me...

[00:07:44] Let him be a guy by my skin.

[00:07:46] I ain't gonna do a crash out on social media.

[00:07:48] It's like a ball up top and that's it.

[00:07:50] It's like...

[00:07:51] See me, I don't even...

[00:07:52] Well, you know what?

[00:07:53] I can't even say I wouldn't have said anything because...

[00:07:56] Throughout the whole nine months, the course of the nine months, he was tweeting about

[00:08:00] his excitement of fatherhood.

[00:08:03] You know?

[00:08:04] So, in that moment, you know, he...

[00:08:08] That was just this natural, instant response was...

[00:08:13] You know, ball up top.

[00:08:14] And you know what could've led to that?

[00:08:16] Like, you saying that he was, you know, showing this to the world.

[00:08:21] It could've been a bit of embarrassment.

[00:08:23] Like, damn, I done...

[00:08:24] I done...

[00:08:25] Took y'all on this journey with me and this shit ain't even gonna be it.

[00:08:27] I might as well let y'all know eggs is on my face.

[00:08:30] You know what I'm saying?

[00:08:31] Like...

[00:08:32] Facts.

[00:08:32] You go above and beyond.

[00:08:33] You start out early.

[00:08:34] You start at a hundred.

[00:08:35] Nigga, nigga, nigga, nigga.

[00:08:37] I told y'all.

[00:08:37] All of that.

[00:08:38] That's what I told y'all.

[00:08:39] Start at 50.

[00:08:40] Hell yeah.

[00:08:43] He's doing that shorty private man.

[00:08:44] I like to give him a bitch.

[00:08:45] Come on, man.

[00:08:46] That's crazy.

[00:08:46] Be serious.

[00:08:48] Yeah, ball up...

[00:08:49] Damn, son.

[00:08:50] But the thing about it is, that's not healthy at all though.

[00:08:53] Mm-hmm.

[00:08:53] Ball top is not healthy.

[00:08:54] Let's be a hundred percent.

[00:08:56] All right.

[00:08:57] I bet.

[00:08:58] So, let's talk about the benefits of resilience and the ability to adapt, but also the risk

[00:09:04] of leaving the issues unaddressed.

[00:09:06] Mm.

[00:09:08] Not every...

[00:09:09] Because ball up top for me is me being resilient and adapting to my circumstances.

[00:09:14] I don't have time to address it.

[00:09:17] I don't have time to address this.

[00:09:19] Yes, you do.

[00:09:20] You literally have time, but you don't want to make it time for it.

[00:09:22] All you do is have his time, bro.

[00:09:24] I don't know.

[00:09:25] Yo, not everything has to be a...

[00:09:27] Cut this nigga.

[00:09:27] Cut this nigga, bro.

[00:09:28] Nigga, I'm on A side.

[00:09:29] Nigga, not everything gotta be addressed.

[00:09:31] I don't...

[00:09:32] Like...

[00:09:33] Yeah, communication, all that shit cool, but sometimes, nigga,

[00:09:36] no.

[00:09:37] I agree with y'all, but in his case, bro, I don't know his case.

[00:09:41] He didn't even try.

[00:09:42] Okay, well...

[00:09:43] That's not true.

[00:09:44] But he's saying that he was...

[00:09:46] But what if the...

[00:09:47] What if my...

[00:09:47] We'll know what we've done about it.

[00:09:48] What if my trying, right?

[00:09:50] If we're using me, for example, was everything leading up to my ball up top moment?

[00:09:56] It is.

[00:09:57] Well...

[00:09:57] All right.

[00:09:57] So, in my mind, it was like, I've displayed all this effort.

[00:10:01] If you still chose...

[00:10:02] I've done all I could.

[00:10:03] Yup.

[00:10:03] Or why do more?

[00:10:06] If that's the situation.

[00:10:09] Damn, okay.

[00:10:10] Ball up top.

[00:10:10] Ball up top.

[00:10:11] You got me.

[00:10:12] You got me.

[00:10:13] Ball up top.

[00:10:13] You got me there.

[00:10:14] Ball up top.

[00:10:15] You got me there.

[00:10:16] Damn.

[00:10:16] Quanti, continue though.

[00:10:18] I'm learning in real time.

[00:10:19] Nah.

[00:10:19] So, yeah.

[00:10:20] Ball up top.

[00:10:20] Yeah.

[00:10:22] So...

[00:10:22] My God.

[00:10:23] I just...

[00:10:24] Tell me a ball up top moment that you have.

[00:10:25] Ball up top moment that I have.

[00:10:28] Ugh.

[00:10:30] Okay.

[00:10:30] All right.

[00:10:31] Hold on.

[00:10:32] Let me see.

[00:10:33] All right.

[00:10:34] Since...

[00:10:34] Let me switch this real quick, right?

[00:10:37] Do you think ball up top is a strength or weakness for your coping message?

[00:10:45] Technically, it's a weakness.

[00:10:46] You said so?

[00:10:47] It's not processing the shit.

[00:10:48] You just literally moving on.

[00:10:49] It's a strength.

[00:10:50] But it does take a lot of...

[00:10:51] It takes a lot of...

[00:10:52] Damn.

[00:10:53] Eh, does it take a lot of strength to just move on?

[00:10:55] To just move on?

[00:10:56] Yeah, I think it does.

[00:10:57] It does though, but at the same time, processing is more difficult.

[00:11:01] No.

[00:11:01] We got to keep it 100.

[00:11:02] If you're moving on without addressing it, it's just sitting there.

[00:11:06] It's like having those...

[00:11:06] Instead of having those tough conversations, you gotta just move on.

[00:11:08] Like, nah.

[00:11:09] Is it sitting there or are you just leaving it?

[00:11:10] You're lying to yourself, bro.

[00:11:12] What is the lie?

[00:11:12] Who's lying to who?

[00:11:13] Yeah, what's the lie?

[00:11:14] You're not lying.

[00:11:15] You're just like...

[00:11:15] You literally ignore it.

[00:11:16] Unaddressed pain, bro?

[00:11:18] I mean...

[00:11:20] Do I need to address my pain with the person to get over the pain?

[00:11:24] What is ball up top?

[00:11:25] Next play.

[00:11:27] Next person.

[00:11:27] So, are you gonna address it with the next person?

[00:11:30] The next scenario?

[00:11:32] Probably.

[00:11:33] That's not healthy.

[00:11:34] That is...

[00:11:34] You carrying all this to that.

[00:11:36] Okay.

[00:11:37] So, Kojo, if you turn the ball over, right?

[00:11:42] You gonna go to the next possession.

[00:11:44] When you get the ball back, you're like, Dan, I gotta be careful how I'm going.

[00:11:47] I gotta bypass this ball.

[00:11:48] Yes!

[00:11:49] That's how you go.

[00:11:50] Next play, bro.

[00:11:52] I'm gonna trust my ability.

[00:11:53] I'm gonna trust that what I did up to the ball up top moment was right.

[00:11:57] And you're gonna do it again.

[00:11:58] I'm gonna do it again.

[00:12:00] Somebody ain't gonna make that turn.

[00:12:01] Did I turn the ball over?

[00:12:02] See, I think that's sauce.

[00:12:04] I ain't gonna promise you like you're plotting right now.

[00:12:05] Because...

[00:12:06] I'll take it over you.

[00:12:07] Son is never gonna trust a woman again the same way.

[00:12:10] Shit, neither am I.

[00:12:13] Ball up top.

[00:12:14] Okay.

[00:12:14] Ball up top.

[00:12:16] Ball up top.

[00:12:18] Because you still...

[00:12:19] That's gonna affect his fatherhood.

[00:12:20] That's gonna affect everything.

[00:12:21] Like...

[00:12:22] What if he meets the right person?

[00:12:23] It's still going to affect him.

[00:12:25] What?

[00:12:25] He has to literally process everything.

[00:12:26] He literally needs to process everything.

[00:12:28] He don't think he can conceive a child without...

[00:12:30] Oh, he gotta do a shootout.

[00:12:31] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, boy.

[00:12:32] We're dragging this out of a portion.

[00:12:33] Now, he's gonna remember that.

[00:12:35] He's gonna remember that shit every time, bro.

[00:12:37] Yo, are you serious, Cooney?

[00:12:38] It is traumatizing.

[00:12:39] I'm aware of that.

[00:12:40] It is traumatizing, bro.

[00:12:41] But you, with your new family, that DNA said is your kid,

[00:12:45] you still gonna be traumatized?

[00:12:46] You get to the point where I know it's my kid now,

[00:12:49] I'm gonna fucking...

[00:12:49] Now that's out of my mind, though.

[00:12:51] Cooney, that take...

[00:12:51] So, I understand the ball up top, though.

[00:12:52] I understand that.

[00:12:53] Yeah, you can meet a girl in the street, Link.

[00:12:56] Yeah, I get comfortable when you have a baby with her.

[00:12:57] Yeah, but, bro, if you have done that already,

[00:13:00] nine months, and they probably would've got it for a minute, too.

[00:13:03] You...

[00:13:03] I'm sure that situation is gone now, right?

[00:13:06] But that's...

[00:13:06] Now, that means he has to now put himself back in the field,

[00:13:09] find a new woman, fall in love, conceive a child,

[00:13:13] believe that that is his child, see the pregnancy through,

[00:13:17] and then not take another DNA test and just believe it.

[00:13:19] The thing about it is, though...

[00:13:20] He's gonna be living like that forever.

[00:13:20] You know what's crazy?

[00:13:21] Every child he has.

[00:13:22] I don't know a lot of you, bro.

[00:13:23] Even in his, uh...

[00:13:26] Even in his, like, his, uh...

[00:13:28] The Northridge?

[00:13:29] Not his bio.

[00:13:30] The replies.

[00:13:31] His bio.

[00:13:31] It was like, girl, dad.

[00:13:33] Oh, my days.

[00:13:34] He even posted that.

[00:13:35] You know what movie you take out yet?

[00:13:36] Let me see.

[00:13:36] I would've fucking moved that first second way.

[00:13:39] I would've got on social media.

[00:13:40] I would've just deleted my page.

[00:13:42] Yeah.

[00:13:42] My nigga, I need to see my Twitter and bring the picture.

[00:13:44] But what if that don't do nothing to the pain, bro?

[00:13:46] That don't do nothing to the pain.

[00:13:47] That is a real life issue, bro.

[00:13:49] The thing about it is, though, now...

[00:13:50] I might be in this situation, and I'm thinking about it,

[00:13:51] it's like, yo, bro, what if she was cheating before all this shit, man?

[00:13:54] She was holding the jeans, though, yo.

[00:13:55] Yo, your mind start to go crazy.

[00:13:57] That's why I have the ball up top mentality, because I don't want to think about none of

[00:14:01] that other shit, bro.

[00:14:02] But LA, man, you know...

[00:14:03] I feel like in your heart you know that.

[00:14:05] You got to process this shit.

[00:14:06] Get over there.

[00:14:06] Why do you have to?

[00:14:08] I'm going to process it the way I have to process this.

[00:14:10] I don't have to process it with you.

[00:14:12] No, you don't have to process it with that person.

[00:14:13] Oh, yeah.

[00:14:14] He's not on social media no more.

[00:14:16] Yeah, you got to take some time.

[00:14:16] I ain't going to check on him, honestly.

[00:14:18] They been checking on him.

[00:14:20] Nah, nah, nah.

[00:14:21] They been checking on him.

[00:14:22] My man's not even from saying that.

[00:14:23] I'm saying that something for a few days.

[00:14:24] Yeah, yeah, yeah, bro.

[00:14:26] Yeah, bro.

[00:14:27] Because that's heavy.

[00:14:28] Ball up top.

[00:14:28] That's heavy.

[00:14:29] So, okay.

[00:14:30] So, with ball up top...

[00:14:32] Now, I just want to say my ball up top moment is nowhere compared to...

[00:14:35] Not even.

[00:14:36] Yeah.

[00:14:38] It's nowhere close to...

[00:14:40] But my thing is, though, at some point, are you processing it by yourself?

[00:14:44] Because you're saying, like, ball up top is like, oh, I'm moving on to the next

[00:14:46] thing, the next person.

[00:14:47] Like, at some point, do you process it?

[00:14:50] Yeah.

[00:14:50] I mean, you eventually do.

[00:14:52] When you have down...

[00:14:53] I think when you...

[00:14:54] I think when you have downtime, it's crazy, though.

[00:14:56] It's going...

[00:14:58] See, for me, ball up top, it's just occupying my mind and my space.

[00:15:03] But you know when you got to go to Venezuela.

[00:15:04] Exactly.

[00:15:06] Exactly.

[00:15:06] Because at the end of the day...

[00:15:07] I rather than processing the daytime.

[00:15:09] So, do y'all have to understand everything that someone did to you?

[00:15:12] Or, like, do you have to understand, like...

[00:15:14] Nigga, no.

[00:15:15] So, like, why...

[00:15:16] That's the case I'll be in DC right now.

[00:15:19] This is my first date back, so I don't even know what's going on.

[00:15:23] I don't know what's going on right now.

[00:15:25] It's the quarantine and don't show.

[00:15:27] I can't follow this up, bro.

[00:15:28] It's the fatigue.

[00:15:28] I ain't getting no sleep.

[00:15:29] It's like, it's all dead.

[00:15:31] Have you ever had a situation or anything happen to you and you're just like,

[00:15:35] yo, I don't even want to deal with that right now?

[00:15:37] Yeah!

[00:15:38] That is...

[00:15:38] You know, I'm just taking that?

[00:15:39] Yeah, that's the...

[00:15:40] No, no, no, no.

[00:15:41] I'm talking about you making a conscious decision that, yo, this, I'm not even going to put

[00:15:44] in my brain.

[00:15:45] This is gone.

[00:15:46] I'm not thinking about this no more.

[00:15:47] No, Quanny, I live like that.

[00:15:48] I want to...

[00:15:49] I know...

[00:15:50] I'm trying to...

[00:15:50] So you're a ball of top of this?

[00:15:51] No, I'm not that, though.

[00:15:53] I'm not a ball of top.

[00:16:08] He parted?

[00:16:09] He about to walk, bro.

[00:16:10] I'm not going to!

[00:16:11] But he's definitely parted, bro.

[00:16:15] You definitely...

[00:16:15] But you got it, bro.

[00:16:16] Wait, wait, no.

[00:16:17] Explain so I know what to.

[00:16:18] No, I know what to.

[00:16:19] No, you can take it out.

[00:16:20] Nah, nah, come on.

[00:16:21] What are you talking about?

[00:16:22] It don't make no sense, Joe.

[00:16:23] But that's not true.

[00:16:25] Wait, wait, what do you mean?

[00:16:26] You do not address everything.

[00:16:29] That's what I said.

[00:16:31] That's what I just said.

[00:16:32] I don't address shit.

[00:16:33] Oh, okay, okay.

[00:16:33] He said he lives in the...

[00:16:36] I live in the...

[00:16:37] I'm not addressing this.

[00:16:39] Let's keep...

[00:16:39] Let's just...

[00:16:40] It's going to be a'ight.

[00:16:41] Like, that's me.

[00:16:42] Okay, okay.

[00:16:43] I was about to...

[00:16:44] That's my bad!

[00:16:45] It's not the good...

[00:16:46] But I'm saying...

[00:16:47] But so, that's still ball up top, though.

[00:16:49] To me, ball up top is this hard reset of,

[00:16:52] a'ight, I'm not addressing it,

[00:16:53] and I'm moving the fuck on.

[00:16:55] Nah, that's good.

[00:16:55] I'm removing niggas from my life.

[00:16:58] I don't do that.

[00:16:59] That's not my bad.

[00:16:59] You just act like, yo, this...

[00:17:01] Like, nothing happened.

[00:17:01] Yeah, that shit does not exist anymore.

[00:17:03] It's move on as normal.

[00:17:04] That's ball up top.

[00:17:05] Because if you're resetting, you're moving...

[00:17:07] See, not addressing it,

[00:17:09] acting like nothing happened,

[00:17:10] I don't think that's the same thing.

[00:17:12] I don't think that's the same thing.

[00:17:12] But if I'm not addressing it,

[00:17:13] and I move on as if nothing happened...

[00:17:16] No, I'm not addressing this at all.

[00:17:18] This is done.

[00:17:18] See, I'm not addressing it yet.

[00:17:20] Oh, so you're a delayed addresser?

[00:17:22] Yeah.

[00:17:23] That's my bad.

[00:17:23] That's my bad.

[00:17:24] You didn't say that!

[00:17:25] That's my bad.

[00:17:26] You said you're living...

[00:17:27] Cause I ain't gonna...

[00:17:27] Nah, I don't...

[00:17:28] That's my bad, bro.

[00:17:30] I actually think that's worse.

[00:17:32] It is!

[00:17:37] Nah, nah, see?

[00:17:38] When you say it like that, bro...

[00:17:39] He ain't cause of energy, bro.

[00:17:40] Nah, I'ma put it to you like this, right?

[00:17:42] Say something happened today.

[00:17:43] Say something happened today.

[00:17:44] Mm-hmm.

[00:17:45] And you don't address it.

[00:17:46] And the next time we pod, next month,

[00:17:49] you bring it up?

[00:17:50] Yo, you made me live and blissed our whole friendship

[00:17:52] and you had pent up animosity

[00:17:54] for the whole four or five weeks?

[00:17:56] See, it don't be pent up animosity

[00:17:57] if it's not pent up...

[00:17:58] You didn't address it!

[00:17:59] Addressing it does not come with animosity.

[00:18:02] So why you ain't address it in the moment?

[00:18:03] You were delayed for what?

[00:18:05] I'd rather you pull up topic, leave it alone...

[00:18:06] I'd rather you not say nothing at all.

[00:18:07] Then you're bringing it up

[00:18:08] and I'm thinking we were all good the whole time

[00:18:10] and I knew...

[00:18:11] We were!

[00:18:12] To think that you're not all good

[00:18:13] because something's not addressed

[00:18:14] is the problem.

[00:18:15] But not addressing it is a problem.

[00:18:17] It's also a problem!

[00:18:18] But that don't mean that y'all are fucking beating!

[00:18:20] So it's problem squared?

[00:18:21] Yeah!

[00:18:22] It's problems now!

[00:18:23] It's problems all around!

[00:18:24] So you're the problem child!

[00:18:25] It's problems all around!

[00:18:26] So addressing it in the moment

[00:18:27] takes care of one problem

[00:18:28] but if you wait...

[00:18:29] Now we got three problems!

[00:18:30] You're causing no problems like that though!

[00:18:32] I don't see it like that!

[00:18:33] What if you sit there

[00:18:34] and you bring it to me, right?

[00:18:36] And I sit there and say

[00:18:36] yo Joe that was four weeks ago

[00:18:38] you could keep...

[00:18:38] If you didn't say nothing then

[00:18:39] keep that shit now

[00:18:40] I don't care what you...

[00:18:41] That's a bad reaction to somebody

[00:18:42] No! Why do I have to react?

[00:18:44] In the way you want me to react to me?

[00:18:45] It's not about what you want!

[00:18:46] You are being brought...

[00:18:48] A scenario or issue

[00:18:49] or something is being brought up to you.

[00:18:51] Your reaction is not to address

[00:18:52] what's being said

[00:18:53] it's to talk about

[00:18:54] oh you're gonna finish that...

[00:18:54] My reaction is my reaction!

[00:18:57] Okay, so what if...

[00:18:58] You should not...

[00:18:59] Nobody should come to you and say

[00:19:00] oh I got an issue with you

[00:19:01] and you be like

[00:19:01] whoa that happened three weeks ago

[00:19:02] I can't talk about that!

[00:19:02] Fuck that!

[00:19:03] Okay cool!

[00:19:04] Since you waited three weeks

[00:19:05] what if I say Joe I need three weeks?

[00:19:07] That's on you!

[00:19:08] But to sit there and say

[00:19:09] that we're not addressing this problem is crazy!

[00:19:11] You didn't address it!

[00:19:12] You just didn't say you wasn't addressing it!

[00:19:14] Well alright

[00:19:14] well I brought it to the table

[00:19:15] And now I bring up a problem

[00:19:17] that you did five years ago

[00:19:18] Fuck it!

[00:19:18] We gonna be going back and forth!

[00:19:19] I'm not about to sit there and say bro!

[00:19:21] Nah!

[00:19:22] Let me know what the fuck I did wrong bro!

[00:19:23] So what if...

[00:19:24] Alright cool I'm with you

[00:19:25] What if you wait the whatever however long

[00:19:28] you tell me your problem

[00:19:29] and I'm like oh my fault

[00:19:32] Are you taking accountability?

[00:19:33] That's all I say my fault

[00:19:34] Nah I said my fault

[00:19:34] Yeah my fault

[00:19:35] I don't care about nothing you saying

[00:19:37] but that was four weeks ago

[00:19:37] but I'm not showing you

[00:19:38] That seems like a character issue right now

[00:19:40] But I'm just saying oh

[00:19:41] That should be like that monica

[00:19:42] Cause now

[00:19:43] You're not gonna talk to somebody

[00:19:43] you care about love like that

[00:19:45] That's not what you're gonna do to them bro

[00:19:46] You're not doing that bro!

[00:19:48] Depends on how I'm feeling today

[00:19:49] Depends on how you're feeling

[00:19:50] Depends on how you're feeling

[00:19:51] But I cool

[00:19:51] Really?

[00:19:52] Yeah

[00:19:52] What if I don't have it to apologize

[00:19:55] You might not have it that day

[00:19:56] or you might not have it about the

[00:19:57] the situation

[00:19:58] Whatever they're mad about

[00:19:59] Like that shit mad minuscule monica

[00:20:01] Something like that

[00:20:02] What is this dismissive shit you're doing right now?

[00:20:04] It's not dismissive

[00:20:05] You're coming to

[00:20:05] It's like

[00:20:06] Why'd you say when I did it?

[00:20:07] You're taking something from a moment

[00:20:09] waiting and delaying

[00:20:10] thinking that I'm gonna feel the same way about it

[00:20:12] that you do

[00:20:13] I don't

[00:20:13] You bringing it to me

[00:20:15] four months later

[00:20:16] thinking that it's gonna be the same convo

[00:20:18] is crazy bro

[00:20:19] It don't have to be the same convo

[00:20:20] It's just getting addressed

[00:20:22] Okay I wanna

[00:20:23] I wanna

[00:20:23] I wanna

[00:20:24] I wanna stick to what Kojo's saying right?

[00:20:27] Sorry

[00:20:28] Let me make this more concise

[00:20:29] Within the three weeks

[00:20:31] that you

[00:20:32] that you take to finally bring it up

[00:20:34] Do you think you're showing any signs

[00:20:36] of a person who's going through something?

[00:20:41] Depends on the day

[00:20:42] Mmm

[00:20:42] Um

[00:20:45] I think

[00:20:46] the word is compartmentalizing

[00:20:48] Yeah

[00:20:49] and learning how to uh

[00:20:50] you know

[00:20:52] move with

[00:20:53] move with grace

[00:20:53] still know that there's things that

[00:20:54] you're dealing with but not

[00:20:56] not you know projecting them

[00:20:58] onto people or situations

[00:21:00] or you know things like that

[00:21:01] so

[00:21:02] I think it's possible

[00:21:03] I think it's possible to you know

[00:21:04] to move around

[00:21:05] with

[00:21:06] things that you need to address

[00:21:07] and deal with

[00:21:08] but not let it affect

[00:21:10] you or the people around you

[00:21:11] yeah

[00:21:12] That is

[00:21:12] I'm not gonna walk around with that bro

[00:21:14] That is heavy bro

[00:21:15] It's heavy?

[00:21:16] You know what's crazy?

[00:21:17] I'd rather walk around with it by myself

[00:21:18] No human addresses everything in the moment

[00:21:20] that shit is just

[00:21:21] it's not realistic

[00:21:22] It's just not

[00:21:22] But me ball up

[00:21:24] But you know what's crazy?

[00:21:25] Ball up top is addressing it

[00:21:27] It is

[00:21:28] I'm letting you know

[00:21:30] Yo game over

[00:21:32] I'm done

[00:21:33] I want no parts

[00:21:35] All the best

[00:21:36] That's a permanent decision

[00:21:37] for something that hasn't been discussed

[00:21:39] I thought like ball up top was like an internal thing

[00:21:41] Yeah you never

[00:21:41] Nah it could be internal

[00:21:43] It could be internal but

[00:21:45] but the

[00:21:46] the ball up top

[00:21:47] is

[00:21:48] is for you right?

[00:21:50] Yeah

[00:21:50] Me addressing it

[00:21:52] I might not address it right?

[00:21:54] Right

[00:21:54] And with me not addressing it

[00:21:56] that may do something for you

[00:21:59] but at the same time

[00:22:00] at least you know yo

[00:22:01] I'm out

[00:22:02] I'm checking out

[00:22:03] I'm not giving you an ex

[00:22:04] I don't need to give an explanation

[00:22:05] because you know what you did already

[00:22:07] and my decision is not to discuss it

[00:22:09] and just move on

[00:22:11] So you never make

[00:22:12] Now I think that person may be greedy

[00:22:14] to know they did something

[00:22:15] to cause you to wanna leave

[00:22:17] and still wanna talk it out

[00:22:22] Then somebody would say that's fighting

[00:22:24] It's called

[00:22:25] I'm not messing with my baby

[00:22:26] I'm just fighting for what you want

[00:22:28] Man it's toxic

[00:22:29] What kind of everything gotta be a joke?

[00:22:30] Nah I agree

[00:22:31] I agree

[00:22:32] but that's toxic

[00:22:33] It is toxic

[00:22:33] That's toxic

[00:22:34] What Kwonie wanted to say?

[00:22:35] I think what LA is saying

[00:22:38] is you're making an executive decision

[00:22:41] I don't need to talk about this with nobody else

[00:22:43] It's my decision

[00:22:44] It's ball up top

[00:22:46] And you can go

[00:22:47] you could process it

[00:22:48] and deal with it

[00:22:49] and at the end of it say

[00:22:50] alright bet, ball up top

[00:22:51] You don't gotta not deal

[00:22:52] you could deal with it internally

[00:22:54] and after you done

[00:22:55] you don't wanna talk to nobody else

[00:22:57] you just wanna move on

[00:22:57] it's ball up top

[00:22:58] I can't find

[00:22:59] I'm having this conversation

[00:23:00] I'm thinking man

[00:23:00] am I a ball up top person?

[00:23:02] You not

[00:23:03] And I feel like you

[00:23:04] you don't gotta be one or the other

[00:23:06] you could do it in certain moments

[00:23:07] and do it in other moments

[00:23:09] That's true

[00:23:09] Cause not everything is going

[00:23:10] I might even come to habit after a while though

[00:23:12] You know what also

[00:23:15] can create a ball up top mentality?

[00:23:18] Doing what Kojo would want you to do

[00:23:20] and failing at it

[00:23:21] or being unsuccessful

[00:23:24] So Kojo

[00:23:25] even if Kojo don't talk about it in the moment

[00:23:27] Kojo still wants to talk about it

[00:23:29] and in that talking about it

[00:23:31] depending on the way that goes

[00:23:33] can affect the course of me doing this again

[00:23:36] when this situation arises

[00:23:38] So the joke I made earlier right?

[00:23:41] Where I would be if I did

[00:23:42] that was

[00:23:44] if I didn't ball up top then

[00:23:46] I probably

[00:23:47] matter of fact

[00:23:48] the reason why I am ball up top mentality now

[00:23:51] is because of what I did back then

[00:23:53] Right?

[00:23:54] So me putting in that all

[00:23:55] in that effort

[00:23:56] trying to talk things out

[00:23:57] trying to work things through

[00:23:58] and that shit going

[00:23:59] and falling on dead ears

[00:24:00] I bet now

[00:24:01] to avoid that feeling

[00:24:03] here's this new feeling

[00:24:04] here's this new shit

[00:24:05] it's called ball up top

[00:24:08] and it works best for me

[00:24:09] cause at the end of the day

[00:24:11] I still had to deal with those feelings

[00:24:12] on my own regardless

[00:24:15] So

[00:24:16] at the end of the day

[00:24:17] whether the person listens to me or not

[00:24:19] I still have to deal with it regardless

[00:24:22] so let me just deal with it on my own

[00:24:24] I don't need somebody anymore

[00:24:26] to help me deal with what they did to me

[00:24:29] Wow

[00:24:31] Check ball

[00:24:32] I had a question

[00:24:33] I had a question Kojo

[00:24:34] So what if you feel something

[00:24:37] and then weeks later

[00:24:38] you speak to the person about it

[00:24:40] but now they now feel like

[00:24:43] oh this is the type of person you are

[00:24:45] you let things

[00:24:46] harbor

[00:24:47] whatever whatever

[00:24:48] I'm just saying this is their reaction

[00:24:50] at the end of it I wanted to know

[00:24:52] how you would take that

[00:24:54] so they say

[00:24:55] they looking at you like okay

[00:24:56] so now

[00:24:56] now in my head

[00:24:57] I have to make sure

[00:24:58] every interaction I have with Kojo

[00:25:00] is now good

[00:25:01] cause I don't want him to step away

[00:25:02] leaving

[00:25:03] thinking anything else

[00:25:05] so yeah

[00:25:06] so now they're thinking all that now

[00:25:07] because you do that

[00:25:08] how would you

[00:25:09] that's a lot of thinking

[00:25:09] huh

[00:25:10] that's a lot of thinking

[00:25:11] I'm saying because

[00:25:12] they're gonna be very conscious about how they're talking to you now

[00:25:13] they're gonna walk on eggshells like

[00:25:14] yeah so now they feel like

[00:25:16] so now a person will feel like

[00:25:17] I gotta walk on eggshells

[00:25:18] cause I don't want them to feel like

[00:25:19] something like this

[00:25:20] and then bring it up weeks later

[00:25:21] cause whatever whatever

[00:25:22] so how would you

[00:25:22] how would you take that

[00:25:24] or or

[00:25:25] after every argument

[00:25:27] or

[00:25:27] no no no

[00:25:29] no no

[00:25:30] that's what I'm saying

[00:25:30] I'm just gonna correct myself

[00:25:31] after every

[00:25:33] Misunderstanding

[00:25:34] discussion

[00:25:34] let's just say discussion

[00:25:35] they're left feeling damn

[00:25:37] I wonder if Kojo is processing this

[00:25:40] oh I actually

[00:25:41] that's what humans should do

[00:25:42] I swear to God

[00:25:43] mmm

[00:25:44] like sometimes I find myself

[00:25:46] wanting to talk about things in the moment

[00:25:48] and then after having that conversation

[00:25:49] I'm like damn maybe that should've

[00:25:51] we should've

[00:25:51] we should've waited

[00:25:52] we should've

[00:25:53] we should've processed that

[00:25:54] in every aspect?

[00:25:56] sometimes I say

[00:25:56] okay

[00:25:57] sometimes I'm like

[00:25:58] alright maybe the way you feel right now

[00:26:00] is it because it didn't go the way you thought it would go?

[00:26:02] what about when it goes your way?

[00:26:03] no it's not about the thought

[00:26:03] it's just about

[00:26:04] it'd be emotions

[00:26:05] it'd be high emotions

[00:26:06] high intensity

[00:26:06] it'd be time and place

[00:26:08] it'd just be like

[00:26:09] maybe we should've

[00:26:10] maybe somebody should've

[00:26:12] waited a little bit

[00:26:13] you know?

[00:26:13] sometimes you wanna have a conversation

[00:26:14] cause you want

[00:26:15] your anxiety is telling you

[00:26:16] nah nah nah

[00:26:17] I gotta hear it right now

[00:26:18] maybe you shouldn't have heard it right now

[00:26:20] you know?

[00:26:21] but to answer Quanee

[00:26:25] honestly when

[00:26:27] if

[00:26:29] if somebody is doing that much mental gymnastics

[00:26:31] about how they interact with me

[00:26:33] then they have to

[00:26:34] they have to

[00:26:35] we have to

[00:26:35] establish our relationship

[00:26:37] we have to reestablish

[00:26:37] how would you know?

[00:26:39] bro

[00:26:39] it shouldn't be because

[00:26:40] Kojo takes time to process things

[00:26:42] before he addresses them

[00:26:43] is the

[00:26:44] is the reason why

[00:26:45] you're walking on eggshells around them?

[00:26:47] like around me?

[00:26:48] is that's

[00:26:49] that's

[00:26:49] that's not up for you to decide

[00:26:50] yeah that's right

[00:26:51] whatever you have a problem with

[00:26:53] they're now have to take that problem

[00:26:54] what if they feel like

[00:26:54] whatever you have a problem with

[00:26:55] is just like

[00:26:56] what are you talking about bro?

[00:26:57] but you have a problem with it

[00:26:58] and I'm your man

[00:26:58] so I gotta respect you

[00:26:59] so now I have to now think

[00:27:01] this much more

[00:27:02] in order to respect this

[00:27:04] I had a friend

[00:27:04] I had a friend

[00:27:05] who

[00:27:06] whose friend passed away

[00:27:08] and I didn't

[00:27:09] you know I didn't

[00:27:12] because I didn't know

[00:27:13] the magnitude of their friendship

[00:27:15] I didn't really send my condolences

[00:27:17] like

[00:27:18] or I did send condolences

[00:27:19] but I didn't really like

[00:27:20] check in

[00:27:21] and like you know

[00:27:22] do all that

[00:27:22] and

[00:27:24] a time later

[00:27:26] this person brought that up to me

[00:27:28] and

[00:27:29] you know my

[00:27:30] I think my reaction could have been like

[00:27:32] damn why you ain't just

[00:27:33] you know say something

[00:27:35] like during the

[00:27:36] like when the funeral or whatever

[00:27:37] like this is mad long ago

[00:27:38] he's you know

[00:27:39] he's been

[00:27:39] he's been passed away like

[00:27:41] I could have said that

[00:27:42] but

[00:27:42] in my head I said well

[00:27:43] I care about this person

[00:27:45] and they're addressing something to me

[00:27:46] no matter how long it took them

[00:27:47] to get to this point

[00:27:48] in our friendship where they feel like

[00:27:50] they could address

[00:27:51] this

[00:27:53] I shouldn't be defensive

[00:27:55] or anything about that

[00:27:55] I should take what they're saying

[00:27:57] process it

[00:27:59] and make an action about that

[00:28:00] which is now

[00:28:01] I'm going to be better

[00:28:02] going forward

[00:28:03] think about it

[00:28:04] I'm the friend to be like

[00:28:05] yo bro

[00:28:05] I love you man

[00:28:06] I apologize for what I did

[00:28:07] why'd you tell me I did that though

[00:28:09] yeah but

[00:28:09] you can go both ways

[00:28:11] don't sit

[00:28:12] don't wait

[00:28:13] man

[00:28:13] don't wait days

[00:28:14] to tell me I did this

[00:28:15] why should I determine that

[00:28:17] bro

[00:28:17] I don't want that weighing on

[00:28:19] I don't want that weighing on you

[00:28:20] and if we talking

[00:28:21] all the time

[00:28:22] don't

[00:28:22] but it's a new scenario

[00:28:24] for the person too

[00:28:25] right

[00:28:26] they haven't had a

[00:28:28] while we've been friends

[00:28:29] they hadn't had a death

[00:28:30] of their friend

[00:28:31] before right

[00:28:32] and they didn't know what they needed

[00:28:33] from their surrounding community

[00:28:35] until that happened

[00:28:36] so that's their fault

[00:28:37] so yeah that's not

[00:28:38] whose fault

[00:28:38] it's nobody's fault

[00:28:40] but they can't

[00:28:40] it's nobody's fault but they can't be mad at you

[00:28:42] let me not say

[00:28:44] it's no one's fault but yeah

[00:28:45] let me focus on

[00:28:47] what you just said

[00:28:49] based off of what you said

[00:28:51] they didn't know what they wanted

[00:28:52] right

[00:28:53] so when they realized

[00:28:55] what they wanted

[00:28:56] or needed

[00:28:57] or needed

[00:28:58] they can't put that on you

[00:29:00] they didn't know what they wanted

[00:29:01] at that moment

[00:29:02] so even if you did do that

[00:29:03] right

[00:29:04] that may not have been

[00:29:06] what they needed

[00:29:06] yeah but when it was brought up to me

[00:29:08] I wasn't even offended

[00:29:09] because it wasn't brought up in a way of

[00:29:11] oh you're a bad person

[00:29:12] or you're a bad friend

[00:29:13] but that's good for you

[00:29:13] but that's

[00:29:14] it was simply addressing like

[00:29:15] yo at the time when I needed you

[00:29:17] you didn't step up

[00:29:19] but if they didn't know what they needed

[00:29:20] next time

[00:29:22] they did

[00:29:22] they did

[00:29:23] oh well you just said

[00:29:24] you said they didn't know

[00:29:25] they wouldn't know prior to it happening

[00:29:28] mmm

[00:29:28] but then it happened

[00:29:29] then they knew what they need

[00:29:31] it wasn't

[00:29:32] it wasn't given

[00:29:33] they address it

[00:29:34] however long it takes them

[00:29:35] to deal with them feelings

[00:29:36] like maybe

[00:29:37] maybe in the moment

[00:29:38] that person took it super personal

[00:29:40] and was probably pissed the fuck off at me

[00:29:41] probably wanted to cut me off

[00:29:43] and then time passed

[00:29:44] and they realized like

[00:29:45] alright

[00:29:46] let me get that out

[00:29:47] and address it

[00:29:48] and now

[00:29:48] I'm sure our friendship blossomed more

[00:29:50] the only thing about that one

[00:29:52] that example you're using

[00:29:53] death is so sticky

[00:29:54] it's tough

[00:29:55] yeah cause what you

[00:29:56] what you gonna do

[00:29:56] anticipate the next time

[00:29:58] somebody to die in their life

[00:30:00] for you to

[00:30:01] overstep it

[00:30:02] and be like

[00:30:02] I'm here

[00:30:03] like I can't

[00:30:04] I can't do that

[00:30:05] you know what I'm saying

[00:30:06] that one

[00:30:07] and then it's like

[00:30:08] yo are

[00:30:09] respectfully

[00:30:10] are you mad at me

[00:30:10] or are you mad at the world

[00:30:11] for what the loss you have taken

[00:30:13] like don't

[00:30:14] I'm not your punching bag

[00:30:16] don't take that out on me

[00:30:17] I mean

[00:30:18] it's grief though

[00:30:18] it's grief

[00:30:19] right exactly

[00:30:20] that's your grief

[00:30:22] that's just how I feel

[00:30:24] death is

[00:30:24] death is very tricky

[00:30:26] death is tricky

[00:30:27] cause I've

[00:30:28] I see both sides

[00:30:30] but at the same time

[00:30:32] you know

[00:30:33] what's the saying

[00:30:34] forgive me for how they know

[00:30:36] you know what I'm saying

[00:30:36] if I didn't know

[00:30:39] don't act like I did know

[00:30:41] and move that way

[00:30:42] I never knew you felt that way

[00:30:43] you brought it to my attention

[00:30:45] I did it the way

[00:30:46] Kojo did it

[00:30:48] don't still mistreat me

[00:30:50] I can't go back

[00:30:51] yeah how did they treat you then

[00:30:53] that's what I'm saying

[00:30:53] there was no mistreatment

[00:30:54] in that time

[00:30:55] so it was just like a random like

[00:30:56] it was just a harbored feeling

[00:30:57] no I'm talking about going forward

[00:30:59] yeah no nah

[00:31:00] I get that

[00:31:00] but it was just a harbored feeling

[00:31:01] for this person right

[00:31:02] they were dealing with it internally

[00:31:04] like

[00:31:05] I had this feeling

[00:31:06] I haven't addressed to my friend yet

[00:31:07] but it wasn't

[00:31:08] it didn't affect our friendship

[00:31:10] it didn't like

[00:31:10] there wasn't no like

[00:31:12] animosity

[00:31:12] there wasn't no attitude

[00:31:13] it was just like

[00:31:14] when I get a chance to deal with this

[00:31:16] I'm gonna address it

[00:31:17] so you know how I was feeling

[00:31:19] so in that

[00:31:20] okay in that situation

[00:31:22] did you after that

[00:31:24] think about what else

[00:31:26] she

[00:31:26] this person could have been harboring

[00:31:28] or what else

[00:31:30] nothing

[00:31:31] you don't think about anything

[00:31:31] nah

[00:31:32] not for me

[00:31:32] nah because

[00:31:33] so what's the better

[00:31:35] you said you're gonna do better

[00:31:36] yeah like

[00:31:37] so what's the better

[00:31:37] if tragedy happened again

[00:31:39] right

[00:31:39] god forbid

[00:31:40] if tragedy happened again

[00:31:41] right

[00:31:41] god forbid

[00:31:42] I would know

[00:31:44] whether that

[00:31:45] whether the relationship between her and that person

[00:31:47] was strong

[00:31:48] I'm still gonna be there

[00:31:49] in a stronger way than I was before

[00:31:51] because

[00:31:51] this was addressed before

[00:31:53] and it would be

[00:31:55] on my part

[00:31:55] a bad friend

[00:31:56] if I didn't at least

[00:31:57] take the

[00:31:58] criticism that was given to me

[00:31:59] and do something about it

[00:32:00] it's just tricky bro

[00:32:01] that's like literally

[00:32:02] but why would you not do that

[00:32:03] like anticipating it

[00:32:04] it's like

[00:32:04] no you're not anticipating it

[00:32:05] it's gonna happen

[00:32:06] like tragedy is gonna happen

[00:32:07] it's gonna happen

[00:32:08] you're not anticipating it

[00:32:09] but

[00:32:10] you've been given criticism

[00:32:12] what's wrong with doing

[00:32:13] applying it to your

[00:32:14] your day to day

[00:32:16] you think every critique about you is

[00:32:20] necessarily of change

[00:32:21] no

[00:32:22] no

[00:32:22] yeah

[00:32:23] okay

[00:32:23] but you also gotta

[00:32:24] what

[00:32:25] what

[00:32:26] what do I have to combat

[00:32:27] what I was told

[00:32:28] you know what's crazy

[00:32:29] a friend

[00:32:29] I don't even

[00:32:31] me

[00:32:31] you be crazy

[00:32:33] um

[00:32:35] somebody said something to me out of anger

[00:32:37] right

[00:32:39] but

[00:32:39] I knew they said it out of anger

[00:32:41] so I let them have it

[00:32:43] because

[00:32:43] you remember what I was saying

[00:32:45] in the last pod

[00:32:46] yo

[00:32:47] don't have revisionist history

[00:32:48] just because in this moment

[00:32:50] so they got they shit off

[00:32:51] they was like

[00:32:52] yo you not the saint that you think you are

[00:32:53] first and foremost I never was

[00:32:54] I never called myself a saint right

[00:32:56] that's how you

[00:32:57] that's how you probably received me then

[00:32:59] but when I was a saint

[00:33:01] you gave me that saint title based off of

[00:33:04] what I was treating you

[00:33:05] or how I was treating you

[00:33:07] and in these moments of where

[00:33:09] you may feel like I'm not treating you the best

[00:33:11] I'm no longer the saint

[00:33:13] you thought I was

[00:33:14] don't put that on me

[00:33:15] cause I never said I was a saint

[00:33:18] I literally can

[00:33:19] and you know what's crazy

[00:33:20] I had to remind the person

[00:33:22] yo this

[00:33:23] this trait of mine

[00:33:25] that you think

[00:33:26] no longer makes me a saint

[00:33:27] I've been brought that shit to your attention

[00:33:29] you just never faced it

[00:33:31] so I could easily be like

[00:33:33] okay cool

[00:33:34] to my

[00:33:35] you'll you'll

[00:33:36] me and you'll be talking

[00:33:37] and you be like you know bro

[00:33:39] you shut down with

[00:33:41] with Joe a lot

[00:33:42] but I never shut down with you

[00:33:43] so you never been on the

[00:33:44] the side of the shutdown

[00:33:46] and then all of a sudden I shut down

[00:33:48] and be like oh LA

[00:33:49] you not the saint that you think

[00:33:50] no nigga I you

[00:33:51] you

[00:33:51] you seen that before

[00:33:52] you already saw this

[00:33:54] you saw this side if it wasn't with you

[00:33:55] exactly

[00:33:57] exactly

[00:33:58] so

[00:33:59] so for me

[00:34:01] yo that's crazy

[00:34:04] it's crazy right

[00:34:05] but

[00:34:06] that's no here nor there

[00:34:08] moving on

[00:34:09] right

[00:34:11] so quickly

[00:34:12] do you think that's an emotional shield

[00:34:14] that limits self awareness

[00:34:17] what exactly are you holding on to

[00:34:19] no moving on

[00:34:20] no what are you holding on to

[00:34:21] to not move on

[00:34:23] what am I holding on to

[00:34:24] no I feel like

[00:34:25] like

[00:34:26] damn

[00:34:28] boom

[00:34:30] I'm making a physical thing

[00:34:33] you ever

[00:34:34] the instant pain

[00:34:36] doesn't always come

[00:34:38] because there's an adrenaline rush

[00:34:40] so when I got hit

[00:34:42] by

[00:34:43] yeah

[00:34:44] right

[00:34:45] I got up immediately

[00:34:47] and walked off

[00:34:49] it's not until three days later

[00:34:51] where that

[00:34:52] where literally all the adrenaline

[00:34:54] and all the

[00:34:55] the blood stopped

[00:34:57] flowing in that direction

[00:34:59] where I instantly felt the pain

[00:35:02] couldn't walk no more

[00:35:03] crazy

[00:35:04] so

[00:35:06] for me it's like damn

[00:35:08] ball up top

[00:35:10] is an adrenaline rush

[00:35:11] of not feeling this shit

[00:35:13] right now

[00:35:14] yep

[00:35:15] that's what I was saying

[00:35:17] I'm telling you dude

[00:35:18] we're not way that

[00:35:19] we have no

[00:35:20] in my mind

[00:35:21] I can't

[00:35:22] but here's

[00:35:23] it gotta be an escape bro

[00:35:25] like ball up top has to be an escape

[00:35:26] but here's another thing for me

[00:35:28] but here's the flip side of ball up top

[00:35:30] right

[00:35:31] anybody who's ever been in a car accident

[00:35:33] you know you break a little bit faster than

[00:35:36] your mind just naturally like

[00:35:38] you're a little bit more

[00:35:39] conscious of

[00:35:41] not just you on the road

[00:35:42] but the person in front of you

[00:35:43] the person inside of you

[00:35:44] you

[00:35:45] you're a lot more

[00:35:47] even when you're not driving

[00:35:49] you're way more intensive

[00:35:50] so cause you're

[00:35:51] you're automatically bracing yourself

[00:35:53] for what?

[00:35:55] for impact

[00:35:56] so for me

[00:35:57] like I said earlier

[00:35:59] my ball up top

[00:36:00] wasn't necessarily the first moment of it

[00:36:02] is maybe my second third

[00:36:03] because I've experienced

[00:36:06] bad situations

[00:36:07] or traumatic situations

[00:36:09] that ball up top

[00:36:10] is going to prevent me

[00:36:11] from dealing with

[00:36:12] is that

[00:36:13] so that goes back to our last episode

[00:36:15] is that being pessimistic?

[00:36:19] nah

[00:36:19] I don't think so

[00:36:20] cause for me

[00:36:21] it's more of a safety precaution

[00:36:23] my pessimism

[00:36:25] was

[00:36:26] alongside of like

[00:36:29] doubt

[00:36:31] this shit

[00:36:32] cause for me

[00:36:33] I'ma deal with it

[00:36:34] like I said

[00:36:34] you gon' deal with it regardless

[00:36:36] you gon'

[00:36:37] you gon' think about it

[00:36:38] but in this very moment

[00:36:40] in this moment of

[00:36:42] of

[00:36:42] whatever I'm feeling

[00:36:44] yo just check more

[00:36:46] I feel like everybody's ball up top is different

[00:36:48] cause Quani's ball up top is literally

[00:36:49] yo I ain't gonna front

[00:36:50] this shit don't exist in the world no more

[00:36:53] but see it's one of two things

[00:36:54] I could either process it myself

[00:36:56] and then choose

[00:36:57] like yo this is

[00:36:58] this is

[00:36:58] I'm not thinking about this though

[00:37:00] okay so boom

[00:37:00] do you think there's a consequence

[00:37:01] on your mental health doing that?

[00:37:04] no because I don't do it with everything

[00:37:05] I think I pick and choose what I wanna do it with

[00:37:08] it's more so like

[00:37:09] if something is bothering me for a few days

[00:37:11] then yeah obviously this is something that needs to be addressed

[00:37:13] but

[00:37:14] this is something that's like

[00:37:16] in the grand scheme of things

[00:37:17] like yo this is not even anything

[00:37:20] what am I thinking about it

[00:37:21] if I look at

[00:37:22] this quote one day

[00:37:23] I don't know the exact quote

[00:37:25] but it was talking about like

[00:37:26] your mind and your thoughts being like

[00:37:27] cars on a highway

[00:37:29] you can just look at them go

[00:37:30] or you can

[00:37:31] watch one

[00:37:33] look at it

[00:37:33] stare at it

[00:37:34] you can get in one

[00:37:35] and it could take you wherever

[00:37:36] or you can just drive in your own car

[00:37:38] and get where you gotta go

[00:37:39] so

[00:37:41] these are just passing thoughts

[00:37:42] and fleeting thoughts in my head

[00:37:43] I can just not think about it

[00:37:44] or I can just think about something else

[00:37:46] you got a strong brain

[00:37:47] you got a strong mind

[00:37:48] I'll tell you that bro

[00:37:48] it's cause he bald

[00:37:53] oh

[00:37:54] I can tell us distractions

[00:37:57] I bet

[00:37:58] so

[00:37:59] that I guess

[00:38:00] mmm

[00:38:01] Kojo I'm gonna bring it to you

[00:38:05] what's up

[00:38:06] the introspection exercises that you may do

[00:38:10] techniques with oneself

[00:38:12] like journaling meditation

[00:38:13] or simply taking a timeout

[00:38:15] before making a decision

[00:38:17] do you think that's what you do

[00:38:19] oh absolutely

[00:38:19] the timeout

[00:38:20] absolutely

[00:38:21] what

[00:38:22] I rarely react in the moment

[00:38:24] man

[00:38:25] like to

[00:38:26] to like tense shit

[00:38:28] like shit like

[00:38:28] like shit that like that

[00:38:29] I rarely like

[00:38:32] I'm not impulsive like that

[00:38:35] I know you well enough to say you're absolutely right

[00:38:39] but do you feel like

[00:38:41] you delay your timeouts too

[00:38:48] so like maybe

[00:38:49] it may take you three weeks right

[00:38:50] but there are times where I'll be like

[00:38:52] yo bro don't take no much longer

[00:38:53] yeah yeah yeah

[00:38:55] cause we've

[00:38:56] as bros

[00:38:57] we talk

[00:38:58] and we like

[00:38:59] alright

[00:39:00] and that's another thing

[00:39:02] fuck that

[00:39:04] my

[00:39:04] us communicating

[00:39:06] right

[00:39:07] hold on

[00:39:07] hold on

[00:39:08] I know what to say

[00:39:08] cause I feel that bro

[00:39:09] us communicating

[00:39:10] don't always have to be with the person

[00:39:12] that it

[00:39:13] I have to talk to it like

[00:39:15] you you

[00:39:15] that shit just happened to me bro

[00:39:17] yeah we can come together

[00:39:18] and

[00:39:19] I can bounce my

[00:39:20] my thoughts with y'all

[00:39:21] y'all

[00:39:22] y'all can help me

[00:39:23] you know place it

[00:39:24] in the right

[00:39:26] you could either say LA you buggin'

[00:39:28] or LA I feel you

[00:39:29] LA do it this way

[00:39:31] LA nah I see what you saying

[00:39:33] or I would do the same

[00:39:34] and it will help me

[00:39:36] process it

[00:39:37] then I don't necessarily have to address it

[00:39:39] who I needed to

[00:39:40] cause I technically did

[00:39:41] cause I'm not in therapy right now

[00:39:42] so I you know

[00:39:43] I guess I use my

[00:39:45] my village as therapy

[00:39:46] or whatever it is

[00:39:47] right

[00:39:47] but sometimes like it just happened to me

[00:39:48] I spoke to you a couple weeks ago

[00:39:50] about a situation

[00:39:51] that I had just like you know

[00:39:53] come to a decision on

[00:39:54] and it took me some time to

[00:39:55] but I got there

[00:39:56] I felt um

[00:39:57] I felt comfortable

[00:39:58] you know finally like I

[00:40:00] I wanted to talk to my friend

[00:40:02] to see if I'll you know

[00:40:02] mm-hmm

[00:40:03] just to see if I can get some

[00:40:05] more perspective

[00:40:06] or whatever the case may be

[00:40:07] and I got that

[00:40:08] and I was ready to then address it

[00:40:10] but then it was like oh

[00:40:11] it it came to a point where it felt like

[00:40:14] you know the person that I had to address

[00:40:15] felt like I wasn't

[00:40:17] handling it

[00:40:18] because I didn't bring it to them

[00:40:19] I'm like well

[00:40:19] I wanted to say like

[00:40:20] nah I had to like

[00:40:21] I had to check in with gang first

[00:40:23] like I had to make sure that I was

[00:40:24] you know

[00:40:25] where I

[00:40:25] I thought I was

[00:40:26] and I was

[00:40:27] just gotta be a little bit patient

[00:40:29] mm-hmm

[00:40:30] so yeah I think I was uh

[00:40:32] I'm patient that's what it is

[00:40:34] it ain't delaying

[00:40:36] no it's delaying

[00:40:37] it's patience

[00:40:38] it's patience

[00:40:38] yeah no it's patience

[00:40:39] nah it's delaying

[00:40:41] it's definitely delaying

[00:40:42] you don't try to psych yourself in

[00:40:43] because uh

[00:40:44] you fucking use your birth psychology

[00:40:45] I can say sometimes

[00:40:48] me avoiding reflection

[00:40:50] is like

[00:40:53] kinda bypassing

[00:40:55] the moment

[00:40:56] im

[00:40:58] cuz in that

[00:40:59] you also wanna know

[00:41:04] how

[00:41:05] how worth it

[00:41:06] is it

[00:41:06] not the person

[00:41:08] you don't understand

[00:41:08] this

[00:41:09] right

[00:41:10] because the per-

[00:41:11] the thing

[00:41:12] the

[00:41:12] the person place or thing

[00:41:15] could be worth it

[00:41:16] but in this moment

[00:41:17] I might say something

[00:41:23] that I'm not supposed to be saying

[00:41:25] or

[00:41:26] my feelings are just my feelings

[00:41:28] I understand that too

[00:41:29] how I feel

[00:41:31] if everybody's making a decision

[00:41:33] that's best for them

[00:41:34] in that moment

[00:41:36] then my decision should be best for me

[00:41:38] in that moment

[00:41:39] because you didn't explain it

[00:41:41] your decision

[00:41:42] I just had to deal with the consequence

[00:41:45] so now I

[00:41:46] why should I

[00:41:47] do the same

[00:41:50] if everybody's looking out for themselves

[00:41:51] why can't I look out for me

[00:41:52] there you go

[00:41:53] why do I have to consider anybody else's

[00:41:56] if everybody's doing what's best for themselves

[00:41:58] I just feel like

[00:42:00] then we should do that

[00:42:02] and then you know what the

[00:42:03] the

[00:42:05] just

[00:42:07] I think Joe mentioned it earlier right

[00:42:09] when

[00:42:10] the guy

[00:42:12] the traumatic effect of

[00:42:13] that situation is

[00:42:16] his level of trust

[00:42:17] going forward

[00:42:18] going forward right

[00:42:20] so

[00:42:21] his ball up top is walking away from

[00:42:26] whatever

[00:42:27] hit the

[00:42:28] the child and the child's mother

[00:42:31] right

[00:42:34] that's a fast hasty decision

[00:42:36] but it's the wisest

[00:42:38] he's wrong if you say

[00:42:39] well

[00:42:39] you know what let me tell you why he's not

[00:42:41] no let me tell you why he is

[00:42:44] because

[00:42:46] well let me speak for me

[00:42:48] let me speak for me

[00:42:49] I hope homie's alright

[00:42:51] wherever he is

[00:42:52] I hope he's alright right

[00:42:54] but for me

[00:42:56] I know

[00:42:58] my level of trust

[00:43:01] and the paranoia in my head

[00:43:03] once you let that little nigga come out and play

[00:43:07] then it's like

[00:43:08] yo

[00:43:08] how am I ever gonna trust you again

[00:43:11] trust that person or like trust in general

[00:43:13] no trust that person

[00:43:14] the person cause imagine if he stayed

[00:43:16] okay

[00:43:17] how do I trust

[00:43:20] got BNA test every child

[00:43:22] not even that like

[00:43:24] you telling me going to the store

[00:43:25] you like it just

[00:43:27] go at the store huh?

[00:43:30] let me smell it

[00:43:33] I'm bleak

[00:43:35] let me smell it is crazy

[00:43:39] where is she omelaying?

[00:43:41] yo they into the building

[00:43:45] you gonna smell that shit like a glaze

[00:43:48] I could glaze that glaze over this place

[00:43:50] yo febreze plug it as soon as you go

[00:43:53] so y'all don't think he should let that go though?

[00:43:55] eventually?

[00:43:57] that is tough though cause you literally saw a future like

[00:44:00] and the future was taken from you

[00:44:01] nigga you had the future in your hand

[00:44:02] and that shit was taken from you

[00:44:03] nah nah

[00:44:03] what happened to him was very wrong

[00:44:06] very traumatic

[00:44:07] but

[00:44:07] the other

[00:44:09] no no no

[00:44:12] but

[00:44:14] if he walks around with that

[00:44:16] in the future now

[00:44:17] whoever he meets he now brings that

[00:44:19] into that relationship

[00:44:21] so when he said

[00:44:22] I guess what I'm asking is

[00:44:23] when he says ball up top

[00:44:24] do you think he should be leaving everything

[00:44:26] even the feelings of that situation

[00:44:28] that's what he should

[00:44:30] I don't fuck

[00:44:30] at that point I'm with that

[00:44:32] I'm with that

[00:44:32] yeah cause you can't

[00:44:33] cause the new joint

[00:44:34] yo I'm sorry that happened to you but

[00:44:36] yo

[00:44:37] that's not how I move

[00:44:38] yo I don't play like that brother

[00:44:39] either you gonna be here or you gonna

[00:44:40] take that paranoid shit out of here

[00:44:42] I'm not

[00:44:42] I don't play that

[00:44:45] you can't tell her

[00:44:46] I hear that

[00:44:47] I hope she don't say it to him like that

[00:44:49] don't say it to him like that

[00:44:51] however she say that

[00:44:52] yo I'm sorry

[00:44:53] I'm sorry you thought that child was yours

[00:44:55] but they ain't got nothing to do with me

[00:44:57] it don't

[00:44:57] no but it don't

[00:44:59] it don't got nothing to do with his next joint

[00:45:02] it got nothing to do with her

[00:45:04] at all

[00:45:05] I mean

[00:45:05] so if he go over there now

[00:45:07] one thing about Kwame

[00:45:08] I mean Kwame

[00:45:09] one thing about

[00:45:10] one thing about Kwame

[00:45:12] you cannot trauma dump with that man

[00:45:13] that nigga don't wanna hear that shit

[00:45:15] take that to a other

[00:45:16] I'll listen

[00:45:16] nigga say yo no empathy

[00:45:18] why you talking about

[00:45:19] oh wait hold on

[00:45:20] no empathy at all

[00:45:23] I ain't gonna confirm my nigga

[00:45:24] you and Squirrels is different

[00:45:25] nah Kwame

[00:45:26] he's not

[00:45:27] he's not that cold

[00:45:28] y'all paying me

[00:45:29] y'all crazy right now

[00:45:30] nigga

[00:45:31] nigga

[00:45:31] this is not like the nigga that just said

[00:45:32] yeah

[00:45:32] you want me to go call this person

[00:45:33] this nigga's wilder

[00:45:35] that nigga's so different

[00:45:37] this is my thing

[00:45:39] I don't deal with adults like children

[00:45:43] I'm like I'm not myself

[00:45:44] I ain't go wild

[00:45:44] I can't see you as a fucking parent

[00:45:46] nigga say yo no nigga

[00:45:46] toughen up

[00:45:47] nah

[00:45:48] nah

[00:45:48] but I feel like at a certain age

[00:45:51] at a certain point in life

[00:45:53] certain things

[00:45:54] exactly

[00:45:55] and I'm saying this

[00:45:56] so everybody older than me

[00:45:58] should be saying the same thing

[00:46:00] or even

[00:46:01] you know what this made me think about

[00:46:04] all the times I've invented the quantity

[00:46:06] what that nigga really was thinking

[00:46:07] yo LA

[00:46:07] shut the fuck up

[00:46:10] I might not ever vent to quantity

[00:46:12] I'ma tell you a funny story bro

[00:46:14] nigga said don't come to my house

[00:46:15] talking about this girl

[00:46:17] listen listen listen

[00:46:18] there's one day I was picking up something from quantity

[00:46:20] I thought I was getting

[00:46:20] I thought I got the bossy that day

[00:46:21] I was getting home like

[00:46:22] that's why

[00:46:23] fresh on the break up

[00:46:25] bro I told pointy I broke up with

[00:46:26] you broke up whatever blah blah blah

[00:46:28] I grabbed the jacket

[00:46:29] then pointy said

[00:46:30] so what you doing for the rest of the day

[00:46:31] shit

[00:46:33] cause what you doing for the rest of the day

[00:46:47] I didn't think so

[00:46:48] I'm going home to cry

[00:46:50] nigga

[00:46:50] nigga said so and so any who

[00:46:52] like damn

[00:46:52] so that shit got me thinking like

[00:46:54] all the time I talked to quantity

[00:46:57] that was a bad idea

[00:46:58] bro

[00:46:58] I don't say shit to quantity no more

[00:47:00] my nigga said no break none of that

[00:47:01] lovey-duck shit in the song deer magic

[00:47:02] I don't complain about shit nothing

[00:47:04] quantity like yo you good

[00:47:05] yo I'm great bro

[00:47:08] I'm in the worst part of my life well

[00:47:10] I'm with a golden gate break

[00:47:12] thing about shopping

[00:47:13] this quality technology bro

[00:47:14] you good man I would have

[00:47:15] all the time

[00:47:16] God is the great thing

[00:47:23] Optimism man

[00:47:24] that's fire

[00:47:46] I say

[00:47:46] So that goes to

[00:47:49] Healthy vulnerability

[00:47:50] Encourage openness

[00:47:51] About our feelings

[00:47:52] And struggles

[00:47:53] As a part of growth

[00:47:55] And not weakness

[00:47:56] And resilience

[00:47:57] As growth

[00:47:58] Shifting the focus

[00:47:59] From toughing it out

[00:48:01] To seeing resilience

[00:48:02] As a process

[00:48:03] Of learning

[00:48:04] And evolving

[00:48:07] So for me

[00:48:08] I think

[00:48:09] If I am to

[00:48:11] Look at this

[00:48:12] And

[00:48:13] Think of

[00:48:16] Being resilient

[00:48:18] In learning

[00:48:19] And evolving

[00:48:20] I would say

[00:48:24] I think I handled it right

[00:48:26] Even though

[00:48:27] Ball up top

[00:48:27] Was my

[00:48:30] Immediate

[00:48:30] Thought process

[00:48:32] It was like

[00:48:33] Yo

[00:48:34] Let's just care about

[00:48:35] Self right now

[00:48:36] It's easy to crash out

[00:48:38] What ball up top is

[00:48:39] Yeah

[00:48:39] Yeah cause we all

[00:48:40] Talked about crashing out

[00:48:41] Shout out to preach

[00:48:42] Tell me about a time

[00:48:43] Where ball was not up top

[00:48:46] And you yeah

[00:48:47] I was at your doorstep

[00:48:48] Crying nigga

[00:48:49] You said shut the fuck up

[00:48:51] Oh wow

[00:48:53] Alright that's deep

[00:48:54] Like you literally

[00:48:54] Had to process it

[00:48:55] Like there's no

[00:48:56] Getting around it

[00:48:57] But tell me though

[00:48:59] When was ball

[00:48:59] Not up top for you

[00:49:01] When was it an ice

[00:49:02] When you was getting cooked

[00:49:04] Everyday

[00:49:07] Shit

[00:49:08] I don't

[00:49:09] Like I said

[00:49:09] I don't subscribe to the

[00:49:10] Ball up top shit

[00:49:11] I haven't

[00:49:12] Like

[00:49:12] I haven't done it

[00:49:12] Yet

[00:49:13] Or maybe in a long time

[00:49:14] So

[00:49:15] Alright

[00:49:15] So what's the situation

[00:49:16] Where you wanted to

[00:49:17] I guess

[00:49:18] Just be over it so bad

[00:49:21] But that shit was

[00:49:22] Beeing you up

[00:49:22] Quani really wanna take

[00:49:24] This pod to the next level

[00:49:25] And I'm kinda with him

[00:49:26] But I can't do it

[00:49:27] Well this could be in work

[00:49:28] Like

[00:49:29] You said in work

[00:49:30] Yeah work

[00:49:31] I'll be talking about work

[00:49:32] Oh yeah

[00:49:32] If we can do work

[00:49:33] Oh if we can do work

[00:49:34] Fuck it's bad

[00:49:35] Hey man this is an open podcast

[00:49:36] Yeah yeah yeah

[00:49:37] This is a good quantity bro

[00:49:39] Um

[00:49:41] Were you just wanting

[00:49:42] To get over the pain

[00:49:43] Yeah like

[00:49:44] Some of you wanted

[00:49:44] To just like

[00:49:45] Yo

[00:49:46] Yo

[00:49:46] What the

[00:49:47] What's going on

[00:49:47] Like you just can't

[00:49:48] For the life of you

[00:49:49] Understand what's going on

[00:49:49] To you

[00:49:50] And why it's happening to you

[00:49:51] You just want it to be done

[00:49:51] Ball up top

[00:49:52] You don't wanna think about it

[00:49:53] No more

[00:49:54] Whatever whatever

[00:49:54] It's gonna get dark

[00:49:57] I would say

[00:49:57] My last job

[00:50:00] Yeah coach

[00:50:00] I think same for you

[00:50:02] It's like damn

[00:50:03] What the fuck

[00:50:03] It's like I wanna be like

[00:50:05] Alright once the next

[00:50:05] Was like nigga

[00:50:06] What the fuck is going on

[00:50:07] Yeah

[00:50:07] Now you're assessing

[00:50:08] Everything like

[00:50:09] Can't do this

[00:50:10] Can't do that no more

[00:50:11] It's like

[00:50:11] What the fuck

[00:50:13] Like that's

[00:50:14] I think

[00:50:14] You see

[00:50:15] Here's the crazy thing about it

[00:50:16] You can't force

[00:50:17] The ball up

[00:50:18] Ball up top mentality

[00:50:19] It's like

[00:50:20] Like rock bottom

[00:50:22] It's not even rock bottom

[00:50:23] There's certain things

[00:50:24] That when it hits you

[00:50:26] You gotta feel it

[00:50:27] I sure gotta choose you

[00:50:29] I mean

[00:50:30] Like there's certain hits in life

[00:50:33] Where there is no getting up from that

[00:50:35] You gotta feel this

[00:50:37] You know what's crazy

[00:50:37] I was talking

[00:50:38] That's when I got in the breakup

[00:50:39] I'm breaking back to that

[00:50:41] Bro

[00:50:41] Nigga LA was like

[00:50:42] Bro

[00:50:42] I ain't on front

[00:50:43] Some days gonna be good

[00:50:44] Some days gonna be bad

[00:50:45] You could try to get through it

[00:50:46] You could try to just

[00:50:47] Put this shit in the back

[00:50:48] Your minds

[00:50:48] Keep going over my life

[00:50:49] This shit don't work like that

[00:50:50] Bro

[00:50:50] Nigga told me

[00:50:51] What the fuck you talking about

[00:50:52] Bro

[00:50:52] We outside

[00:50:53] Nigga's lit

[00:50:53] Bro

[00:50:54] I got in

[00:50:55] Bro

[00:50:55] That's what I said

[00:50:55] I'd rather deal with the shit

[00:50:56] In the daytime

[00:50:56] Nighttime

[00:50:57] Oh man

[00:50:57] Oh man

[00:50:59] The movie man could've been

[00:51:00] Stain on top of me

[00:51:01] I ain't even

[00:51:01] Fuck

[00:51:01] That out of them

[00:51:02] Jesus

[00:51:02] Fucking cuddled up

[00:51:04] That's another time

[00:51:05] I wanted both to be up top

[00:51:06] I was like

[00:51:06] Nah

[00:51:07] It don't work like that

[00:51:07] It don't work like that

[00:51:08] It don't work like that

[00:51:09] Your mans bro

[00:51:11] That's crazy

[00:51:11] That's quantity mans

[00:51:12] Oh my bro

[00:51:14] That's quantity bestie bro

[00:51:16] Alright

[00:51:17] Nah

[00:51:18] All jokes aside

[00:51:19] That situation

[00:51:20] Is the epitome

[00:51:21] Of everyday

[00:51:22] God

[00:51:23] Please fall off top

[00:51:23] Please

[00:51:24] Please

[00:51:25] I remember you called me one day

[00:51:26] Nigga said

[00:51:26] Nah I ain't gonna fall

[00:51:27] I'm done with this nigga bro

[00:51:28] I'm done

[00:51:28] Yeah

[00:51:29] It's like

[00:51:30] I literally

[00:51:31] I felt like I had to force

[00:51:33] Yeah

[00:51:33] Like just force

[00:51:34] Yo bro

[00:51:35] Force it

[00:51:36] Force it

[00:51:36] I thought you forced it

[00:51:37] But God put

[00:51:37] God pushed you back

[00:51:38] For a reason

[00:51:38] You're like nah

[00:51:39] Sometimes

[00:51:39] I think sometimes you have to

[00:51:41] You have to

[00:51:42] You have to get outside of yourself

[00:51:44] You know

[00:51:45] You don't always know

[00:51:45] What's best for you sometimes

[00:51:46] Sometimes you really gotta

[00:51:47] Like force yourself into something

[00:51:49] Cause sometimes you

[00:51:49] Like you think dwelling on something

[00:51:51] And this and that is cool

[00:51:52] But it's like nah

[00:51:53] You don't need to do that

[00:51:53] You need to do this

[00:51:54] And you can't see it

[00:51:56] Cause you're in it

[00:51:57] So

[00:51:58] It's like yo

[00:51:58] But I want this so much

[00:51:59] Yeah nah

[00:52:00] It's not for you

[00:52:01] When you split

[00:52:02] Like down the middle

[00:52:03] Yeah

[00:52:04] You got the

[00:52:05] You got the

[00:52:06] You got one person in your ear

[00:52:07] Telling you this

[00:52:09] And you got

[00:52:09] No you got

[00:52:10] You got everything

[00:52:11] That you was taught

[00:52:13] Telling you one thing

[00:52:15] Right

[00:52:15] You know

[00:52:16] Like we joke about

[00:52:17] Yo fight

[00:52:18] Fight

[00:52:19] Versus

[00:52:20] The logic

[00:52:22] Yo you know who you up against

[00:52:24] My nigga

[00:52:24] You know

[00:52:25] I ain't got a hook nigga

[00:52:28] You know you should not be in the ring

[00:52:30] With this nigga bro

[00:52:31] Fuck the credit

[00:52:33] Get out

[00:52:34] You know what I'm saying

[00:52:35] So logic versus emotion

[00:52:40] That's what ball up top

[00:52:41] Could be for me too

[00:52:42] Fuck my emotions

[00:52:44] Right now

[00:52:45] Logically

[00:52:46] Check up

[00:52:48] Let's go

[00:52:48] Next play

[00:52:49] I like that

[00:52:50] Cause logically

[00:52:51] What we gonna do

[00:52:52] Literally for my own piece

[00:52:53] I ain't gonna front

[00:52:54] That's

[00:52:54] I ain't gonna front

[00:52:55] Damn I'm so in between

[00:52:56] About the ball up top shit

[00:52:57] Cause it's like yo

[00:52:58] For my piece

[00:52:59] It's like nah

[00:52:59] I'm not the process of this

[00:53:00] So are you

[00:53:01] Are you

[00:53:01] It is what it is

[00:53:02] Type of person

[00:53:03] Oh hell yeah

[00:53:03] So are you that too

[00:53:05] Kojo

[00:53:05] No I'm not

[00:53:06] So you don't subscribe

[00:53:06] To none of them shits

[00:53:07] Nope

[00:53:07] Alright cool

[00:53:08] You consistent

[00:53:09] Across the board

[00:53:09] Alright

[00:53:11] Should I

[00:53:12] I feel like it depends

[00:53:13] On the situation

[00:53:14] Come on

[00:53:14] Give me some

[00:53:15] You know what's crazy

[00:53:16] Yes you should

[00:53:17] No

[00:53:17] It is what it is

[00:53:18] Not on everything though

[00:53:19] It is what it is

[00:53:21] May not always be true

[00:53:23] Because sometimes

[00:53:25] It's not what it is

[00:53:26] Yeah

[00:53:26] So

[00:53:27] I

[00:53:27] It be like that

[00:53:28] So

[00:53:29] Same thing

[00:53:30] Same thing

[00:53:31] That's the same thing

[00:53:32] With the essence shit

[00:53:33] Uh huh

[00:53:34] Ebony

[00:53:34] Ebony

[00:53:35] Ebony

[00:53:35] Is it

[00:53:35] Ball up top

[00:53:36] That was not

[00:53:37] Ball up top

[00:53:37] Yo that shit

[00:53:39] Fuck me up

[00:53:40] It's still

[00:53:40] Yo I'm tight bro

[00:53:41] You know what

[00:53:42] Even Asylum

[00:53:42] Wasn't ball up top

[00:53:43] Fuck Asylum

[00:53:45] I'm not

[00:53:45] We not keeping that

[00:53:46] We still processing

[00:53:48] I'm sorry

[00:53:49] The thing about it

[00:53:50] That fucked you up so much

[00:53:51] That you don't want

[00:53:51] To fucking

[00:53:52] You don't want

[00:53:52] To deal with music shit

[00:53:53] No more

[00:53:53] That's what I'm saying

[00:53:54] Yo you brace yourself

[00:53:55] That's what I was

[00:53:56] Talking about earlier

[00:53:56] Like

[00:53:57] Nigga telling me

[00:53:57] Nigga telling me

[00:53:58] To put music

[00:53:59] On my resume

[00:54:00] No no no no

[00:54:00] I told you

[00:54:01] Put it on your resume

[00:54:02] Because it

[00:54:03] It helps

[00:54:04] You're dismissing

[00:54:05] Your achievements

[00:54:05] Even though

[00:54:06] It didn't work out

[00:54:07] To the way

[00:54:08] You wanted it

[00:54:09] To work out

[00:54:09] It just don't

[00:54:11] You just don't

[00:54:12] Dismiss

[00:54:12] Like you

[00:54:13] Literally creating

[00:54:15] Revisionist history

[00:54:16] Of what you've done there

[00:54:17] Because it didn't end

[00:54:18] The way you

[00:54:19] Thought it was gonna end

[00:54:20] Put that shit

[00:54:21] Put that shit on man bro

[00:54:22] That shit looks great

[00:54:22] That nigga has

[00:54:25] Flatbush reimagined

[00:54:26] Up there

[00:54:26] And not R-I-A-A

[00:54:29] Certified

[00:54:30] For my artwork

[00:54:33] Respectfully

[00:54:33] Fuck that

[00:54:34] Nope

[00:54:35] You're bugging

[00:54:36] You're fraud

[00:54:37] You're fraud

[00:54:38] You literally

[00:54:40] Discredit

[00:54:41] Your platinum plaques

[00:54:43] Your gold plaques

[00:54:44] But talk about

[00:54:45] Flatbush

[00:54:45] I'm not gonna lie

[00:54:46] Coach

[00:54:46] You really hold off

[00:54:47] That shit too long

[00:54:47] I ain't gonna

[00:54:47] That shit's not good

[00:54:48] For you bro

[00:54:48] Ball up top Joe

[00:54:50] I think he's

[00:54:50] That's just his perception

[00:54:51] I'm not gonna go back

[00:54:52] And post it

[00:54:52] It's not there

[00:54:53] It's literally

[00:54:54] Joe show me

[00:54:55] His voice of a

[00:54:57] He literally

[00:54:58] Has nothing related

[00:54:59] To the achievements

[00:55:01] That he has

[00:55:02] Because of how

[00:55:03] Things ended

[00:55:04] That's not true

[00:55:05] The resume that I built

[00:55:07] Recently is not going

[00:55:09] Into the music field

[00:55:10] So there's no need

[00:55:10] To put my music

[00:55:11] Accomplishments on there

[00:55:12] He's trying to talk like

[00:55:13] Quanee

[00:55:13] Bro

[00:55:13] Shut that shit up bro

[00:55:14] That's what I told him

[00:55:15] And yes I do

[00:55:17] Yes I hate

[00:55:17] Where I worked

[00:55:18] But it was

[00:55:19] On my resume

[00:55:19] All this time

[00:55:21] It was

[00:55:23] I hate this nigga

[00:55:24] He bawled in there

[00:55:25] He bawled

[00:55:25] And I'm gonna take this out

[00:55:27] Ball up top bro

[00:55:28] That's literally

[00:55:29] What ball up top is bro

[00:55:30] You got it son

[00:55:32] You got it

[00:55:32] That's what ball up top

[00:55:34] See I just had a ball

[00:55:35] I like that

[00:55:35] Cause what is the point

[00:55:36] Of arguing with him

[00:55:38] Ball up top

[00:55:38] Is to keep your peace bro

[00:55:40] Yep

[00:55:40] I'll keep my peace

[00:55:41] I like that

[00:55:42] Matter of fact

[00:55:43] Whatever pieces fell

[00:55:44] At least it's not all

[00:55:46] I leave here

[00:55:48] With some sort of dignity

[00:55:49] Ball up top

[00:55:50] Keeps my dignity

[00:55:52] Keeps me saying

[00:55:53] I'm cool with that

[00:55:53] I'm gonna ball up topper

[00:55:56] I have to bro

[00:55:57] This nigga got Kojo

[00:55:58] Looking at his shit

[00:55:59] I'm done

[00:56:00] Yo ball up top

[00:56:01] Till the next episode

[00:56:01] Yeah

[00:56:02] This is Don Peasley

[00:56:04] Don the camera guy

[00:56:05] Please follow Don the camera guy

[00:56:06] Don Peasley

[00:56:07] He's strictly for fitness

[00:56:09] You can follow me

[00:56:10] At ball up top LA

[00:56:13] Might as well

[00:56:15] Might as well

[00:56:17] Joe got game

[00:56:18] Wavey in it

[00:56:19] He got game

[00:56:20] But can't participate

[00:56:21] In ball up top

[00:56:22] What game

[00:56:23] What game

[00:56:23] What game

[00:56:23] You don't want to get on the court

[00:56:26] As the layman will say

[00:56:27] Don't forget to like comment

[00:56:28] Subscribe

[00:56:28] All things

[00:56:29] What's a good guy

[00:56:30] Yeah facts coming out

[00:56:31] Every Monday

[00:56:31] You know

[00:56:32] Tell your co-workers

[00:56:33] To share

[00:56:34] You share with your co-workers

[00:56:35] You share with everybody

[00:56:36] Share with your mom

[00:56:36] Be your grandma

[00:56:37] But they go

[00:56:37] They think

[00:56:38] They were good guys

[00:56:38] Mmm

[00:56:39] You think we're good guys

[00:56:40] I think so

[00:56:41] I think so

[00:56:43] I may not be the same

[00:56:44] Shout out to Dis Tracks

[00:56:45] Shout out to Dis Tracks

[00:56:46] We love it

[00:56:46] Till next time

[00:56:48] Facts

[00:56:49] God is good

[00:56:50] God is good baby