Episode 277: Phase Of Life

[00:00:05] Oh man, alright lets kill this last one, lets do it, lets murderize it. Lets show these fuckers who the best podcaster in the world is, Squanny. Oh man its another beautiful day, you already know who it is, Civilizations Don Peasley. Alongside of Mashaun.

[00:00:26] And you should know how to tell me whats a good guy. Um make sure you like, comment, subscribe, do everything um you do. Um we appreciate y'all. Um if y'all don't do that, I don't know how long we're gonna be hanging out with you guys.

[00:00:38] But um yeah, how you feeling today brother? Not bad, not too shabby. You got my lady in your shirt though. Its not tea? Now you'll find out what happens in real conversation though. What you insinuating? The girl is mine, the girl is mine, the girl is mine.

[00:00:58] I'm not gonna lie. Yo you were signing for her, I ain't gonna fuck with you for an hour, I don't give a shit. Aight, you got three weeks to figure that out, before we change up on it.

[00:01:07] That's why you keep it in, I don't really give a rat's ass. That was good though, that was a good one. I didn't expect you to say that shit that quickly. Um its another beautiful day here in the um, we're on the beautiful gentleman. Happy to be here.

[00:01:22] Might have been a Yankees fan but I'm Yankee'd out. This outfit just reminds me of a good day. It was a hot day, hot summer day. Um there was bottles, there was burgers, it was a great time. It was a grandiose time. That was a show.

[00:01:35] It was a grandiose old time. Cigars going, bottles of Ace popping, Don Julio popping. A lot of ass popping too, I ain't gonna say, I ain't gonna lie. This is a great time. Mixing Ace of Spade and Don Julio was nuts.

[00:01:48] Yo niggas mixing my Don Julio with Ace's. Niggas kept asking me, yo Don why don't you want some music cut out if you just ran out? I said, yo nigga I'm drunk. I ain't gonna make a fool of myself.

[00:01:59] So let me get some fucking music cut out and you put your head down and just ran out. I said niggas, niggas don't get me. You can't catch me being drunk. Nigga ran out like one of the weirdos in high school that did like the dark.

[00:02:09] Nah, nah, nah, nigga I did the school beat shit. I was out of there. But um how you feeling today? We got, we got concert in the building and then we got another concert in the building. How you feeling today?

[00:02:19] We got, we got concert in the building and then we got another guy in the building. Now we don't really like him that much. We got G in the building but we can't have him on camera or say anything. Yeah he just here to um.

[00:02:28] We not trying to mess up uh him and his relationship. Yeah he mentioned no happy, no happy homes this week. With his lover. You know shout outs to my boy. Why you talking like Kwame? Why you talking like Kwame? Both my niggas you know.

[00:02:40] I really miss my niggas. I'm listening. What's going on brother? Garin and Hale. You look nice boy. Thank you. I gotta get them clean man. Come on, come on. You know I gotta keep my nails clean. You never know who hand I might want to hold you know.

[00:02:51] I like. You never know next time you have to rub up in that piece of pom pom. You know what I'm saying? Mm hmm. So here you go. I got. You go. I got. I got. Let me just say nigga call the nigga a DJ.

[00:03:00] Shout out to my nigga Cyrus. Yo. Yo boy. These niggas be having a lot of jokes. Yo niggas, niggas be having a lot of fucking jokes. Shout out to my nigga Tem too man. I ain't gonna. Shout out to my nigga Tem too. Why you touching me boy?

[00:03:20] She don't want to fall. Yo bro. I ain't gonna. These niggas got too many insiders over there. I ain't gonna front bro. Yo. Nah, I ain't gonna front. We gotta do another Sunday though. We gotta do another Sunday. That was funny as niggas.

[00:03:38] I ain't never had fucking Dallas BBQs and so much laughs in my life. Nah, the kickback is at my spot now. I'm gonna let the one at Kwanee just fuck Kwanee shit up one day. Nah, Kwanee got white couches. He do. That's why I ain't gonna front.

[00:03:51] That's why every time I come to your crib, my daddy's staying outside. I'm staying outside. Kwanee, Kwanee, Kwanee. Look at me. You just picking it up? Yeah, Kwanee got white cloud couches bro. He ain't trying to fuck that up. I know you gonna. Damn. Nope.

[00:04:06] Niggas be going, turn me into a fucking. Turn me into no goat. I have some respect bro. Stanley Stevers. Yo, what's going on today bro? Make jokes. The niggas go, come on. All right, nigga, elbow shine too. Damn it. Yeah, man. You gotta be moisturized, man.

[00:04:24] You gotta be very well moisturized. I'm gonna say don't tell her. Look at it right now on the phone. Um, but what I was saying, uh, so at my job, right. A part of the training, they kind of taught us like this thing called phase of flight

[00:04:41] and they kind of simplified the job in many ways and they broke it down into like phases. Of where you are at the job based off of the time. So depending on how long your flight is, it may be like eight phases.

[00:04:57] So you got like boarding you got. So within boarding, you got different things that you have to know, not even. I think like the first phase is like, you know, you meet, you meet up with your crew. You do your briefing with the gate agent.

[00:05:14] You check your equipment. The second phase may be boarding third phase, maybe. Uh, whatever that is for phase, maybe a service fifth phase cleanup, six, maybe a second service seven is prepared for landing eight. As this is, uh, you know, your final goodbyes and it kind of simplifies.

[00:05:39] How smooth your job can go based off of like, it's the steps, the steps, right? And I say that to say the other day, I was kind of using the, uh, using the process of what phase I was to kind of, like I said, different planes and different,

[00:05:58] different, uh, how long the flight is determined, uh, how long certain phases were. And I just needed a quick refresher. And I was using the, uh, the tools that they gave us to set up to identify what phase I was in.

[00:06:14] And as I, when I was done and I had like a minute to sit down, like, damn, what phase of my life am I in? You know, like I try to figure out, like, did I research like the phases of life for man?

[00:06:28] And then with my research, I kind of see where I was at. And I'm like, damn, like I'm a lot further in life that I, that I give myself credit for.

[00:06:41] But at the same time, there, uh, there's so much more for me to go and obtain that I'm kind of more excited to reach that. Right. But it do make, it did make me realize like, there are certain things in the phases that

[00:07:01] I've already passed that I wish I would have like got to experience more. So I wrote them down and I kind of want to pick your brain. The first phase, right. It's childhood, your innocence and learning your childhood. Right.

[00:07:22] I will say for me as a young child, I was able to maintain my innocence a lot longer than I think longer than I think children of our generation. I mean, children of the times now. Yeah. Yeah. We didn't grow up with social media shit.

[00:07:47] Like I was a part of a Saturday morning cartoons, you know, channel, I think it was channel 11. Yeah. Channel 11. And then, and then, uh, channel 13 after school. Okay. Uh, yeah, but that's a little bit, that's a little bit, uh, yeah. 13, 13 and 12. Not 13.

[00:08:11] Cause I think they had like, uh, you had author and then you had, yeah, you had author and then you had another show. I forgot. It wasn't that bad. It was more like an educational show too, but it was animated.

[00:08:23] Oh, you talking about, I can't remember right now. I know you're talking about though. Cyber, cyber, cyber, cyber something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We were able to maintain our childhood a little bit longer than the kids of today.

[00:08:41] Um, but here's one of the things that like, uh, was important of said childhood, the importance of a supportive environment. And, um, that, that kind of made me realize like, damn, maybe that was one of the things that I missed in my, uh, in my childhood.

[00:09:02] Like, you know, I didn't have like a bunch of, Ooh, let me not say that. I didn't get to spend a lot of time with my cousins. You know how everybody say your cousins are your first best friends. I didn't get to, I didn't have that.

[00:09:16] Um, I was very sheltered. Um, that's probably the way I am now. Also doing a lot of reflecting, you realize like, okay, this, this phase of my childhood carried over into my adulthood. So me being sheltered and me feeling like I spent most of my time by myself.

[00:09:39] A lot of my enjoyment came with me having a lot of action figures. It was a lot of wrestling. It was a lot of power rangers at all the power rangers where you, when you flip the back of

[00:09:53] the neck and it turns into the normal head and then you flip it again. And it's out of their stomach. Yup. Had all the mighty more friends had, had, uh, had the uniform, had the sword. Then I had the bay blades heavy on the bay blades.

[00:10:10] In a ring shot to my uncle, man. I had the, then you go came. I had the, uh, you had the, you had the shit. Yeah. The, the, this thing definitely had that.

[00:10:20] So as far as like toys and stuff, I got what I wanted, but the social activity, it was a lot of pause playing with myself. Right. Maybe that's why I find pleasure doing that now. Um, yeah, it was a lot of that.

[00:10:41] And then, but when you think about like sports and activities and, and like my home girl, she keeps her son active, like summer camp, summer camp. He played baseball, soccer. He did. I think he did soccer. I'm not sure, but I know he did.

[00:11:06] I know he did swimming. I know he was in baseball. He always had an activity. She hates that I say this and I kind of know why she hates that.

[00:11:14] I say this, but if I was to have, if I, if I wanted, if I could have added something to from my mom, from her, it would be the fact that she always had me in like an activity.

[00:11:26] Like I always told her like, yo, your son is really, really blessed to have you. Cause you keep him, keep him active, keep him active. So that social activity, I wish that I partaked in and all, blah, blah, blah.

[00:11:41] And there's certain milestones in your childhood development that kinda, you know, you kind of always remember like family vacations. I know people who could remember their second birthday and like their third birthday and shit like that. Like how the fuck you remember two, three, blah, blah, blah.

[00:11:57] Like all of that shit is a blur to me. Um, they know, they know, uh, they could, they could recollect, uh, certain times their family did like maybe a trip somewhere or like, um, family vacations or, or cookouts.

[00:12:16] And they can, when I was three, I remember that when he was three, yo, I went from an infant to 12. I mean, you just, you just literally blocked everything else. I do remember like, there's a, there's a picture of me, my, my pops, my brother, my moms.

[00:12:33] We had a beach. Like I remember, I don't know why, and I remember how to shit. I'm like, yo bro, this is a yo, you got, you got, you got, you got, um, swimming trunks. I'm like nah.

[00:12:43] So he'd be ice with going in with his drawers, with his briefs on. Like I remember that whole conversation with my mom. I was like, nah, he be ice. Certain things I remember certain things I blocked out in my head. Of course. And I remember, I forgot.

[00:12:58] I remember when my grandfather had passed. That was years ago. That was, I'm like eight. I was like eight, nine. I remember being at the dining table and he's looking at the crib crying.

[00:13:10] I got this certain shit is so traumatic that I remember, but certain shit that's fun. I remember both the good shit and the bad. Sometimes the bad outweighs the good. Sometimes I just, unless they can show me a picture. I forgot about it. Yeah. Unfortunately.

[00:13:24] And I'm a person who remembers a lot now, but my childhood is like gone. So after childhood, the next phase, right? Is your adolescence and the challenges of your adolescence, including identifying. Uh, uh, formation and peer pressure, the roles of education and extracurricular activities, hormones, and emotional exchanges.

[00:13:50] Right. Bro. What was some of your biggest challenges you faced as a teenager? Peer pressure was definitely there. Yeah. I wanted to gang bang so bad. It's crazy hanging out with my best, my best friend at fucking. Was that middle school, high school? I go to high school.

[00:14:08] I don't know what a nigga turned blood. All my hands fight Donald Trump. He turned blood. I know it. He turned blood. I don't know when the fuck it happened. I don't know where he turned blood. It's like, yo, I'm like, yo, you blood now.

[00:14:19] But I thought it was like a social. Yeah. And it's like, I'm like, you know, I'm telling you, I'm telling me to a story time until one day. I thought the same shit. So niggas is all niggas on some shit. Oh, I fuck with it.

[00:14:30] We got some shows, which I owe you. We let one day some nigga from Jack. I remember the nigga when I went to Jack after that. See a nigga pulled up on my other man's like, yo, I'm this and I'm that nigga did this shit wrong.

[00:14:44] Or the nigga punched a nigga. Oh, I remember seeing blood come out the nigga. My father, I want to swing. I said, I'm going to fuck with you. I'm not fucking with you like that, bro. That's enough for me. I'm going to tell you this.

[00:14:55] And I guess I knew this shit wasn't for me. I grew up in the 50s in East Flatbush. And I don't know how or when. Well, I do, but that's not here for us to do.

[00:15:12] We just knew that the niggas in the 90s was just not on it. Like, don't fuck with them niggas over there. Don't fuck with them niggas over there. And I'm like, is this happening? Like, he didn't fuck them niggas on 96 and Rutland and blah, blah, blah.

[00:15:25] And one day, not even one day in the midst of that conversation, I said, yo, what if this is cool? Like, yo, what if I'm like, this is mad cool, bro. Like me, innocence, adolescence, not really knowing. Like, you know, I know what's going on. What's going on.

[00:15:49] I'm like, nah, them niggas might be cool. Like, why y'all mad at them? What they do? So they was telling the story on something that happened. And I promise this, the fact that I left there unscathed, God was with me at an early age.

[00:16:09] I said, nah, that kind of sound like I fall. I can see why they fall. That's how shit really started, though. Real shit. Two of my mans had to walk me home. What? I'm saying I ain't gonna put yous bugging, bro.

[00:16:26] Nah, they make sure I get my ass beat. They walk me. I'm like, nah, when you kind of think about it, I can see, you know, that's kind of fucked up. We should have had did that. Man, yo, you gotta imagine, young me, glasses, bifocals, just...

[00:16:41] Nah, I think that's our fault. We shouldn't have done that. That's kind of mean. Why you do that to his girlfriend? Oh, season? That's always a... It's always something. Sometimes it's either ego or... So yeah, I remember that day. That I remember.

[00:16:56] I remember because I felt the tension. I felt the tension. The whole shit shifted. Them niggas was like, beat my ass. But so yeah, finding your social group, finding your... identifying who you are. One thing my mom always said that she...

[00:17:13] one of the things that I know she is most proud of, she knew that I would never succumb to peer pressure because I questioned everything. Like, all right, we're going to do this. Wow. Why are we doing this? Nah, that don't really sound like a good idea.

[00:17:26] Now, that's not my thing. My mom was like... My mom would be like, if somebody said that like, oh, I saw LaShawn smoking weed. No, you know you didn't. Not my son. Not my boy. Not my son. You know what I'm saying?

[00:17:40] So it's kind of like, she knew that like, she raised a good kid. Oh, wait, you're trying to say we not good kids? No, no, no. But in her eyes. Okay. I'm speaking from her point of view. Hold on. I smoke a little weed here and there.

[00:17:55] That's okay. I was told never to fix my lips like that. So that kind of brainwashed me. You be kissing. Yeah, but see... See, here's the thing. All childhood shaping what carries on you, right? Oh man, I hope this doesn't cancel us.

[00:18:10] But you remember when we was younger, we had like the candy cigarettes? Yeah, yeah. So I was infatuated with that. You know what I'm saying? I used to see people smoke and they used to make like tricks with the clouds.

[00:18:23] So I used to have my little candy cigarette, blah, blah, blah. And my pop saw me do that shit once. And he was like, yo, why you look like you sucking dick? Because I guess the way I was told. And from that day forward... I'm good, brother.

[00:18:42] Nothing like having a hole like this go towards my lips. So that kind of traumatized me. That's why I never smoked. I never did it. And then when I got to a certain age where smoking was a part of the social norm,

[00:18:57] I just felt like I was too old to even... Like what I look like. That's like me being 32 joining Harlem Crip. I'm turning 30s in my 30s? That's crazy. No, see, I fell to fucking peer pressure in high school. Like high school, middle school. Smoking.

[00:19:17] Bro, these niggas used to drink. I was in ninth grade, bro. First period. Drinking? Ninth grade, bro. First period. That's insane! You didn't brush your teeth. You first fucking period. Colgate in the colt 40s. It's crazy. Niggas drinking Reign Nephew. Bro, you was 13, 14. Yeah. That's crazy.

[00:19:40] Yeah, at that age, bro. Yeah, that's crazy. That's crazy. So that, in a sense, is up to years before that, bro. Yeah, even for me, I didn't have sex. I think I was a late boomer or a late fucker. I didn't have sex.

[00:19:54] I didn't lose my virginity to like senior year high school. You was saying, Joey Aja having sex. I don't even think my dick got hard. I remember, y'all, I remember my pops caught me practicing how to put on a condom, bro. I froze off that bed so hard.

[00:20:11] He said, yo, what the fuck? So, as a, when I go into fatherhood, that's one of the phases that we'll probably get into. I know to be there present to make sure like my kid, male or female, isn't out here trying to figure out shit on their own.

[00:20:35] Yeah, you figure it out on your own. You know what I'm saying? That's the question. Be comfortable enough to be able to ask the question. Now, are you going to, uh... I ain't gonna sit there with you doing your thing. That's all I was gonna ask you.

[00:20:43] If you had a daughter, are you gonna show her how to put a condom on? Why the hell would I do it? I think I would. I would definitely do that. Yeah, I think I would. That's her mom thing. Nah, why? I use one with her mom.

[00:20:52] What the fuck she know about that? I mean, she gotta... That's like going back to that last episode. See you in a so, bro. Yeah! That'll be a problem! You're a dirty bitch. She would have to know what it looks like

[00:21:05] to make sure the guy knows what he's doing. Imagine he putting it on wrong. I put a condom on wrong. I mean, a lot of people put condoms on. You're not supposed to put the picture down. The only thing wrong... Yeah, you're supposed to put your thumb down.

[00:21:15] Some niggas don't do it right. Some people, oh, well, I've done it the opposite way. And they notice... No, no, no, no. Like as I'm rolling it down, I'm like, oh, this is not the right way.

[00:21:24] Then I turned it around and I put it on the right way. Niggas say the nigga got... Yo, bro. Niggas say the nigga got blown in the condom. Blown in the condom? He's crazy. Signed a paper bag. Oh, but no, I think I would show...

[00:21:36] I think I would... I don't know. I think that's too much. You know what? I think I would rather run the risk of having the too much with my child than do too little. I think I would find a way to, you know, let them know like, yo,

[00:21:56] that ain't the nigga to fuck with. But at the same time, that is the nigga to depend on. And then also show them, yo, we're not going to take advantage of this relationship here, but I'm going to show you why certain things are important.

[00:22:08] So if you want to have sex, cool. But let me at least equip you with the most... You ain't doing it here though. You'd rather be under your roof? That is tough. Rather be under your roof or somebody else's roof? What's what? Your child. Your child's having sex.

[00:22:23] I'd rather be in my roof. I don't want to hear it. I don't think I care to know that much as far as where it's happening. I've done it so many times. Not everything is my business. I don't want to hear it.

[00:22:38] If you're doing it, I better not find out. If I go in your room and ask you what you want for dinner, it's a problem. That's crazy. Your daughter getting slapped and she calling daddy and you think she calling you? Okay. My little girl. Nah.

[00:23:00] I think at that age, we would have to separate. What age are we talking about though? See? We've all... Now we've all... You know what I'm saying? No, no. You was a little fast one. No, I actually wasn't that fast. I wasn't that fast.

[00:23:14] To be honest, hold on. You said you wasn't that fast, but you were still fast at the bare minimum. Niggas was fucking at seven. Niggas trying to make me run a train on the street. I said, seven grand. I said, I'm good on this one. You know what?

[00:23:25] I'm good on that. You know what? I can get jiggy with that one. There was one time I cut school and we was at Brevoi. I had no business in Brevoi. And... How the fuck you want to please?

[00:23:38] And a train was partaking and it was like, yo, LA, jump in. And I'm like- You saying double dash? And I'm like, damn, I don't want to look like... But at the same time, in the back of my mind, I had to deal with that, right?

[00:23:55] I definitely had to deal with that. But at the same time, I know this sounds crazy, but I really wanted my first time to be special. And I'm like, yo, two niggas just came out of there. Ain't nothing special about this. Nah, I'm going to pass.

[00:24:07] Like, damn, your balls ain't drop yet? Well, no, it's not December. You know we're not going into January, so no. But yeah, so I had to deal with that. You know, go back to school. Yo, we... What's her name gave it up and LA bitched out.

[00:24:21] Shit like that. That stuck with me for a while. There's a lot of... Yeah. There's a lot of peer pressure in fucking high school, bro. It's a lot, a fucking lot. It's really important to know who you are. Yeah. Especially from...

[00:24:30] I know what makes sense at a young age. It's realistically, who wants to do that? Who wants to go after... I don't find that. I was the first one. Hey, you know what's crazy? The way I know myself now, I can't imagine locking eyes with a girl,

[00:24:49] telling her all the things that I be saying now after two other niggas. Oh, your man just told me that. Yo, what? She might not even want to hear that. She just wants you to hurry up and finish. I'm there trying to take my time. That is...

[00:25:03] I just couldn't get... I can't get jiggy. That's one thing I really couldn't get jiggy with at all though. What? The... The train ride? The pressure me to do the... Yeah, I'm good. Like, that's just... It didn't... I wasn't amused by that. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I wasn't...

[00:25:15] I just didn't find that cool. I didn't find that cool. Mm-hmm. You know how the pimps see thoughts about that, you know? Right. Okay. Right, right, right. Facts. I'm good. Facts. I'm not judging who did it. You know, you do what you gotta do in life.

[00:25:28] But I'm just not... To answer your question though, I think that's where a lot of people turn hypocritical. Like they forget what they've done in their adolescence and then just assume that it's supposed to be one way but... For sure. Oh, I think being...

[00:25:42] Well, I'm not a parent but I would assume that you should be a bit more realistic in understanding... I think... You know what it is? It is. Going back to our last episode, our children idea of us.

[00:25:54] If we pull back the curtain too much, we may destroy that for them. So for me, I think I would wanna pull back that curtain early opposed to them having like this... Ah, yeah. Super idea of who my dad is and then you realize...

[00:26:06] Yeah, like you're not even... You're superhuman. Know what I'm saying? Boom, boom, boom. So like, I know women that like were heartbroken when they found out their dad cheated on their mom, you know? Like, oh, your dad's a human. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

[00:26:21] And or they look at their mother differently because, oh, how could you accept that? Because whatever bitterness they're going through in their life that they didn't heal from, they're taking it out on their parents. You know? Your dad changed and became a better man for your mother.

[00:26:34] The nigga that cheated on you found out that shorty was just way more fun and he never came back. I can understand that but that's not your dad's fault. That's not your mom's fault. Heal, you know? I mean... I'm fine. It's easy to say than done with that.

[00:26:48] Yeah, but still, still, you should have taken it out. But the next part, right? Is young adult. That's not how... You know what I'm saying? Press it, press it. Before... One more time. Press it again. Yeah. The next part is young adult.

[00:27:05] They're transitioning into your independence, career choices in higher education, informing lasting relationships and friendships. Uh, what are... What were your biggest fears and aspirations when you entered, uh, young adulthood? I'll tell you off rip, how the fuck I'm gonna get rich?

[00:27:24] Money was on my mind from like mad young. Mad young. And what do I really want to do? Yeah, what did I want? Yeah, yeah. The young adult stage in life trying to figure out what you want to do with this thing called life is mad pressure.

[00:27:38] I even think like the way they kind of pressure college, like, yo, you got two years to pick a major and then you got to stick to this major. And then, you know, you know how many people graduated with degrees that they don't utilize

[00:27:51] because they felt they didn't have the pressure of, I mean, they had the pressure of trying to figure it out. Same thing with life. Like life can be hard sometimes and it pressures you to figure it out.

[00:28:01] It kind of puts you in a position where you have to figure it out and you don't have the leeway to try to coast or figure out what this thing called life is all about. I've been through that, you know what I'm saying?

[00:28:14] I didn't really have time to figure it, figure things out, you know, but that's just a cause you're dealt with. You just got to learn how to deal with it. It's tough though. Sometimes you feel like at that age, even now, sometimes you feel like you're a shot

[00:28:29] clock on 10. I got the ball, niggas is double teaming me. It's literally survival mode every, you know what I'm saying? How do you feel? How did your, how about the X-20, how was his- Coming into a young adult. Well, I wasn't born here.

[00:28:49] I was born in Jamaica and I moved here when I was 10. So what age would you say is going into your- At the time, post high school. Post high school, I was going into college? Yeah. Oh, so I think, okay.

[00:29:00] So I had a little bit of time in New York. I was kind of becoming a New Yorker, I guess. I think for me, it was more so just seeing what I saw on TV, going away for school, doing

[00:29:11] that college thing, seeing what that was about and going through the stages of like, you know, you're going- What college you went to? SUNY Plattsburgh all the way upstate, right next to Canada. Okay. So yeah. Cold ass winter semesters. Cold ass winter semesters. Yep.

[00:29:27] But, but I think it was more so that the excitement of freedom for me. That's what I was really looking forward to and kind of figuring out, well, yeah, figuring out life, but I was looking at, I'm an optimist.

[00:29:37] So I was looking at it more like there are so many paths to take. How am I going to figure this out? And which one is going to lead me to where I want to go?

[00:29:43] So I was thinking of the, the happy, not happiness, but I guess the journey and figuring all this stuff out. Because I know I'm going to get there regardless. It's just how so. So- How you get to your destination.

[00:29:54] What lessons did you learn in your 20s that you wish you knew earlier? Pick myself. Prioritize myself first. Yeah, just prioritize myself first. Don't rush to make any decisions and just trust, trust yourself. Don't go against your gut. I would say something out of them.

[00:30:20] Knowing my 30s, I would tell myself in my 20s, um, fear is just doubt. Believe in yourself. Yeah. Facts. Facts. Believe in yourself, bro. You got it. You got it. You only feel if you don't do it. That's literally it.

[00:30:34] That was literally my biggest, my biggest fear was not my biggest fear. My reason why I didn't go to be a psychologist or anything like that is because I was scared. And I'm like, how many years of school? Fucking don't like, I dislike school.

[00:30:47] I don't think I'm gonna be able to do it. Fear made me not do that. So just like, I would tell myself that. What about you, Quaint, even though you're not 30? Um, I guess what I would tell my younger self in my 20s, um, you can do it.

[00:31:01] Like, you could just do whatever you want. Um, whatever it is that you want to put your mind to. You don't have to just do one thing. Cause back then I was very, um, I wanted to do finance. I wanted to be in midtown.

[00:31:10] I wanted to wear suits every day, blah, blah, graduated, worked at Morgan Stanley. My mother wanted that to be so bad. All that stuff. Yeah. Did it for like a year and some change and just didn't even like it anymore. I didn't even, I didn't really like it.

[00:31:21] And when I was in school, I liked finance to a certain degree, but not necessarily the, like the super investing and all that kind of stuff. I'm a passive investor. I'm more of like a budgeting, helping people figure out how to use money and how to do

[00:31:33] that kind of stuff. That's more of the finance I like, not the, not the other stuff. So I think that I should have, I could have just told myself that there's more than one options to do, to do these things. There's not just one option.

[00:31:47] You can do whatever it is that you want to, and it can look different and be open to a lot of different things. And it can look different and be open to it looking different.

[00:31:57] But yeah, I get caught up in things being a certain way or looking a certain way. And it has to be that way. If it's not, then all hell is loose. That's why sometimes we have tunnel vision. Like that's just one thing. It's just one option, one destination.

[00:32:08] And then we just... You see what it is? I think this is one of my points that I actually broke down in my notes. I feel like as men, no, not as men, as individuals, I feel like there are three things that I feel like everybody needs. Right?

[00:32:28] Especially when we get past the young adulthood and we get to later adulthood, you got to have like a mentor, your peer, and a mentee. Like your peers, like us, is where we share information. Right?

[00:32:46] Your mentee is who you pass that information down to, or your mentor is the one who's giving you the information. So your mentor gives you the information, then you share that with your peers, and then you pass that down to your mentee.

[00:33:00] So it's a cycle of information that keeps on traveling and traveling. So even if your mentee don't have a mentee, they have a peer group, and they're still sharing their information. Somebody could do it. It'll be passed on.

[00:33:15] So I really think like every, at least men, if you don't have a father figure, I mean, if you don't have a father in your life, you have a mentor that still helps you guide

[00:33:27] your way through life with them sharing their life experiences and how to navigate through that. And then your peer group is like, yo, so-and-so put me on to this. This is what I'm doing, da-da-da-da-da. And I see that it works. It works for him.

[00:33:43] You know, we should tap into it. And then if you have somebody who looks up to you, you know what I'm saying? You then share that with them. So- Can I be honest with you? I always wish I had a mentor.

[00:33:56] The closest thing I had to a mentor was Cam. I figured I was right for you. Yeah. The closest thing I had to a mentor with Cam, I mean, still to this day, I don't know what happened, but it is what it is with that.

[00:34:09] But there's a lot of things that I saw Cam navigate through life that he helped me with without even telling me or knowing, but just me being there, present for seeing how he handles things and what he prioritizes and things like that.

[00:34:28] I kind of picked up on it. But I feel the same way too. I wish I had a designated mentor early because- Figuring it out by yourself is not- It's kind of like having a developed GPS. You know what I'm saying?

[00:34:46] They already took the lumps of life or whatever it is. Excuse me. That's why I'm so like, when I see anybody younger than me going through something I went through, I kind of tell them my experience. So that way you know what can happen to you.

[00:35:03] I'm not saying this is going to happen to you, but me sharing the lows, that's why I'm not afraid to quote unquote be vulnerable because I kind of want it.

[00:35:13] I see it as a preventive measure of me telling you like, yo, when I was young, when I was your age, I went through the same thing. Maybe if you don't prioritize yourself for what's best for you, you're going to end up

[00:35:25] like what I did and that took years away from my life. So prioritize yourself. Now, whatever you choose to do with that information is your business. You know what I'm saying? But at least you could never say, LA ain't tell me. You know what I'm saying?

[00:35:38] Or if I say something that's- If I share something, right? But you haven't experienced it yet, but you come to it like, oh yeah, LA told me about this. I know which way I can either go this way or go that way.

[00:35:56] That's like being on level four in a video game. It's like, you're going to see this person. Yup. Go this way. Yup. Yup. Who doesn't like a good game? I love a Chico. Yeah. Give me all of them. They say they take away the experience of life.

[00:36:10] Nah, I'd rather win. If I could avoid all the Ls, fuck it. I love a yellow brick road. Why do I need to- I don't feel like if I had to work hard and go through all the hassles and hardships in

[00:36:27] life, then why would I feel like you got to earn your stripes the same way? No, nigga. You ain't been through it. If I could prevent you from falling, then no. Then yo, this is what- The road is closed up there, bro. Don't go up there.

[00:36:41] And if you do go up there, you run the risk of getting jammed up. If you should still do it, like yo, bro, Mufasa died because his son did something he wasn't supposed to do, but his father knew what was over there.

[00:36:55] It's not like his father was being mean and say, yo, don't go over there. He'd been over there. He know shit not sweet. Don't go over there. But at the same time, he was okay risking his life for his son for protection.

[00:37:08] But I could see myself growing up thinking like, damn, if I only listened to my pops, he'd still be here. So instead of having- That is tough. That's a tough burden. Instead of having that burden in life, I'm going to just listen to what somebody say,

[00:37:20] use my better judgment, see why- Also, you got to understand why people saying certain things. It may be out of anger and shit like that. When certain people give advice, it don't always be from the purest point or people be

[00:37:30] projecting, but at least hearing, and then you be the judge on what it is. Don't be so quick to dismiss some level of guidance. So I do think that's something that everybody need, like a mentor, your peer group, and a mentee. Pass the information around. Yeah.

[00:37:47] Take it and give it to the next person. For sure. For sure. Uh, so now we're in middle adulthood, balancing career, family, and personal growth. I don't think any of us is at the point of a midlife crisis, but financial responsibilities and planning for the future.

[00:38:06] That is where I'm at now. Where it's like right now you just trying to, I feel, me personally, I just feel like I'm either trying to keep up or surpass inflation. Like I see this ongoing joke where it's like, yo, damn.

[00:38:25] I wish I was able to buy a crib for $800 like my mom. Cause one, we're making more money than our parents did, but at the same time prices, everything is up. You know what I'm saying? I wish I was around where two bedrooms was 1500. I'd be wild.

[00:38:39] And that's kind of why I want to move to Texas because the life that I, the lifestyle that I want to obtain as far as home. Instagram is for the gotchu. Yeah. It lured me in. Dumb, dumb, dumb condos. Those fucking condos for 1700.

[00:38:53] I'm like, Oh bro, it's a fucking crib. Not even that you see them Texas real estate agents. Golly. You could show me a tour. But $800 back then would feel, wouldn't it feel the same today? The price of inflation is way too high.

[00:39:04] I mean, you said back then it probably feels the same. No, no, the value of the value of the dollar is lower now than it was back then. So even if, even if, if, if it was, even if they were living check to check, they had

[00:39:16] more crumbs to play with. It's kind of like, yo, there are times where like, after I spend my bill, after I pay all my bills, it's like, all right, I got to sacrifice this. I got to sacrifice that nigga.

[00:39:27] I like, I think we've all seen our parents make it happen with less. I don't think the, so just transparency, I make over $50 an hour right now. Currently there are times where I'd be like, damn, I can't wait until I make 74 because shit be so tight.

[00:39:46] And it's not even like my lifestyle. You could, you could, you could kind of what they, what they say, live below your means and still feel like you crunching numbers. So that's why I kind of don't get into the, like the 50, 50 debates or whatever, whatever,

[00:40:02] because if you got a partner, what works for you, I figure out what makes it work. Even if it's 50, 50, I don't care what it is, whatever makes it work that y'all can comfortably. And it doesn't affect the outlook of the relationship and still being loving your teamwork,

[00:40:16] make the dream work, baby. You know what I'm saying? You cook, I clean. That's it. I was going to ruin that one, but that's good. You know what I'm saying? I said, don't do it. What's the next one? But, uh, yeah. So yeah, like, that's what I'm saying.

[00:40:36] The financial responsibilities have planted to the future. How do you define success in the, in your middle adulthood? Man, I find success for me. Damn. It's choice. For me, it's choice. Wake up, have the ability to choose what I want to do today or create my week, create

[00:41:00] my day, how I want it to go. If I have to do this, do that. My bills are paid. Being able to become, being able to be comfortable. Yo, for me, success right now is like some of the little, littlest things.

[00:41:15] Like I'd be like, Siri, open garage door. You know, shit like that. Like that, the joy of going into my parking lot hasn't left me yet. That, that feels dope. Just success right now is like, like pure happiness.

[00:41:38] Like I'm enjoying a lot of shit that, that I didn't get to enjoy. So yeah, that, that, uh, for, for, I would say in my last phase of life, kind of doing

[00:41:48] all the things that I didn't get to do as a child, like, uh, reliving like, or still keeping my inner child alive, like doing all the things that I, that I was told no, and I could do it on my own.

[00:42:02] That was success for me at one point. So yeah, that, that's what success looks, looked like and looks like now. Um, balancing your career, family and personal growth. I feel like. Listen, uh, this balance is crazy work. It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a tough, it's tough.

[00:42:19] Yeah. That shit make me feel like I'm at a circus right now. Um, it's a lot of spinning. There's a lot of, there's a lot of, there's a lot of, there's a lot of, there's a lot

[00:42:30] of some, unfortunately something's going to have to be in the back burner. One of my exes, one of my exes called me and just to read, just to, uh, keep it touch.

[00:42:43] And she was like, yo, seeing the way where you are now is kind of like more, I don't, I don't think I would be able to handle the version that of you that you are now. Cause you just always seem so busy.

[00:42:56] Like I'll call you and you'd be like, yo, I'm working. And then I'll call you like two days later and I'm be like, you'd be like, you're working again. And I be thinking you lying to me because you know, you just don't want to talk.

[00:43:08] So it's easy for you to say you work in and then you'll send me a picture of you on a plane. And it was like, oh shit, you really are working. So she was like, yo, when you come back, uh, would you even have time for me?

[00:43:19] I'm like, probably not. Cause, uh, if it's on a Saturday, I'll probably record, you know what I'm saying? Or I just want Sundays, I'll work at the, at a church. And, um, so you, my time is limited.

[00:43:30] And even with you dating you many moons ago, you was mad needy. So I'm saying like, you, you can't like you, you the title literally be in my skin. Like, oh D like I'm going to the bathroom. You come in there with me.

[00:43:49] I just want to be around you. You know how girls be like, yo, I love when a man be like, yo, I'm running errands. You want to come? She's she already in the car. She already in the car. So quality time was always her thing.

[00:44:03] And in a phase of my life, I can't offer that right now. I mean, I can, but the way it looked like for you now, not even before your version of quality time, I can't live up to that expectation, that version of quality time that you want.

[00:44:17] I can't provide that. And I'm very good at note, uh, identifying what I could provide for somebody. And I can't, it don't even gotta be a money thing. You know what I'm saying?

[00:44:27] I can look at you ever look at a woman and say, you know, don't come at the best podcast. But at the same time is like, I could pick that up early. So I was telling her like, yeah.

[00:44:43] So there are times where like, whatever I want to do choices, like Kwani said, whatever I want to do with my time, that's free. It's my choice. Unfortunately, this is why it's good to say things.

[00:44:56] So you not, when you're not in a relationship with somebody, it don't feel as harsh. Right. But I can say already knowing that I wouldn't choose you, you know? So harsh. Yeah.

[00:45:08] But it's like, I mean, not together, but it was just like, yo, if my niggas want to go see, uh, yo G hit, hit the group chat and be like, yo, I got four tickets to Deadpool and Wolverine.

[00:45:24] But at the same time, you'd be like, she, I can hear her saying, yo, you just worked all week. Oh, I thought you were tired. You tired? You going to go hang out with your boys? Yeah. Cause they, they fun as fuck.

[00:45:39] You know what I always love seeing when niggas niggas is, uh, niggas is, uh, doing some dumb shit with each other. And the caption is, oh, you probably out there cheating and it's a group of friends doing the dumbest shit, bro.

[00:45:58] It's like, uh, like they're doing like, uh, this water cup challenge where they all got to fill it up and whoever, you know, or they slap somebody in the head, but it's fun shit.

[00:46:07] So I know like balance, I know when it comes to when I finally settled down and I actually want to do an episode called settle down. Um, but the only reason, the one reason why I want to do the episode called settle down

[00:46:24] is I don't like the term, but I know what it means. Like settling down. Oh, understandable. I don't think that's what it should be called. We should try to fix that, but we'll do that episode one day. But, um, we'll have to be in a relationship with it.

[00:46:39] No, I don't think so. I thought of the episode. I'm single. So who knows how long? When, when I know God will let me, God will let me know. But, uh, until then, in the phase of your life right now, how important is that to you right now?

[00:46:58] You talk about family. It's a priority. It's a thought priority. It's not an action priority. I'm not acting on it, but I am thinking about it. I think about it like I'm trying to, I'm trying to get myself to a position where

[00:47:14] Michonne just work, work, work, work, work. So then when you finally get it, like, you know, you have the choices, you know, where, where if I, if I miss a week of work, I'm okay. You know what I'm saying?

[00:47:29] I could spend, I could call out for a week to spend some time with you, a prioritize family time and stuff like that, because I know everything is straight. But as of right now, that's only a thought priority because I can't act on it.

[00:47:43] But I am conscious of like, yo, when you put yourself in a position to where you do meet your person, you, you could prioritize, you can now act on the thought of, yo, I need to find time with you and this, that, and the third and so on.

[00:47:58] You know, it's crazy. That's been on my mind a lot lately, like a family, but I'm in a phase of, you didn't say this one, but it's a whole different thing. I'm in a phase of reconstruction. Elaborate.

[00:48:10] Reconstructing what's most important to me, what I have to do, like my goals change for certain people, goals change. So independent change, the destination changes. So that's where I'm at with reconstruction, like fixing credit, fixing this, fixing mental

[00:48:28] health, fixing my body, not DBLs, but DDLs, but fixing my body and things of that nature. So that's the phase I'm at in my life, but it's like having those thoughts and, shit, what? I thought you said I was showing my moose knuckle.

[00:48:45] Having those thoughts and actually having thoughts of family, I feel like that should be just so tough. I feel like that puts like a shot clock right back on, you know what I'm saying?

[00:48:54] But the other phases that, I mean, is later adulthood, the importance of legacy and life reflection, health and well-being in the later years, retirement and the impact on identifying your lifestyle. That's later adulthood. Yeah. So that's the importance of legacy and life reflection. I want to travel.

[00:49:24] Hang on for a second. I have seen people retire, then pass away. Not too long after that. Not too long after that. I don't want to be a person that hasn't experienced a lot of stuff and wait till retirement to experience it.

[00:49:39] I have a friend that lost her father and he was in the hospital and he literally passed a day after, if I'm not mistaken, somewhere around that, they were supposed to retire.

[00:49:51] You know, I saw, they said the life expectancy of a man is like 74 and you're supposed to retire at 62. So you're telling me you only got 12 years of living after working for all those years? That's...

[00:50:05] So I know for a fact that like, I have to live life to the fullest or whatever that looks like or whoever that looks like. I actually said, I know that, I think it was Kwani we was talking to.

[00:50:24] Kwani said, yo, I don't want to do this life shit alone. And I agree with him, but I want to share my life with somebody. So whatever I got going on, you're free to have a piece of it. I want to share that with you.

[00:50:39] So that's kind of how I want to do this life thing. Like for a while I've been procrastinating certain trips because it's like, yo, I want to share this experience with somebody. Like this will be fly with somebody. It don't even got to be romantically.

[00:50:52] It'd be like, yo, let's just, I'll just want somebody to experience. Like a Bali. Yeah. Like I wouldn't want to do Bali alone. Like a part of me, like what was the last episode called? The Idea of You, right?

[00:51:08] The idea of me going to Bali with a chick is like the pool that has like something nice in it. With the flowers in it. Yeah. With some nice breakfast, like I put your breakfast cooked. I don't want to do that. Don't know, I could. Woo!

[00:51:22] Now swim to the other side and grab her. Yeah, that's not a point. Or tell your butler to record you do it or whatever. But I know, I know people, I know people who've done it by themselves because they don't want

[00:51:33] to let their life pass by waiting for somebody. Right? So I 1000% get that. But I know for me, like I want to share those experiences. Legacy wise. Um, I may not be the wealthiest person, but I do want to set up the person.

[00:51:55] Who's under me, you know what I'm saying? Legacy wise, you know, you know, having a not passing down debt, you know, having life insurance, um, setting up like accounts for them early. You know what I'm saying?

[00:52:12] I mean, every, every week I say, yeah, certain things like, yo, we don't got to act on it now, but at least we know it exists. Like, yo, how to save certain, uh, stocks, stocks, high yield saving account. I want to have that for my kid early.

[00:52:27] So by the time they able to touch that money, they may have the choices that I didn't get to have, you know what I'm saying? So for me, it's like the legacy I pass on is maybe create in the first chain of generational

[00:52:41] wealth from out of, out of my day. So yeah. Oh boy, why the fuck you ruin it fam? Why the fuck would you do that? Cause yeah. So yeah, that's, that's, that's kind of like the phases of life, you know, you got childhood,

[00:52:58] you're younger adolescence, um, you're young adulthood, middle adulthood, later adulthood. Yeah. I just even see my parents now just like, oh, you watching my pops and they still be working. He get one, he works one, he works six days out of the week, bro.

[00:53:16] The other day he works from 7am to 11, came home, slept and did it again. I'm just like, love you to death. You a hard worker. I don't want to be a hard worker around him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I'm saying.

[00:53:31] I want to, while I'm still young and youthful and vibrant and you know, still got the energy I want to, I want to, I want to do all the groundwork now. So then like when I get to that time where I have things that's, that I prioritize more

[00:53:45] than working, working, working, like, you know, the love of my life and my body, you know what I'm saying? That even that, even that, cause I kind of, uh, I went to the, uh, I went to the doctor

[00:53:56] to get my, you know, my annual checkup and I got on that scale and I'm like, damn, I slipped and I, and I, I slipped bad. Like I think when we first came back, I was 190 and the scale set at the doctor's office 204. I'm like, nah, damn.

[00:54:12] Like I worked the mat at the top of the year. I was two 20. We came back and parted around what March? No, we came back before the anniversary in February. So January I was to drop the, the year drop. I was two 20.

[00:54:28] By the time the pod came out, I was one 92 and last week, Monday, I was two Oh four. So I'm like, nah, we got to get back to it. I know life, I got it ways of, of distracting you from what's most important, but as you

[00:54:44] just got to know that you got always have the opportunity to get back into swinging things. So I just don't want to lose momentum this time. Rob Markman So right now, another part of your phase right now is balance. Lil Yachty Yeah.

[00:54:54] Find the time for the gym or not even just finding the time. It's just pushing through, you know, it stopped. Stop. That's one thing I want to teach my children from early. Yo, we not procrastinating. Get it done.

[00:55:09] I'm not, I'm not, I'm a drill it into their head. They may hate me for it, but I want them to know from early, yo, there's no time to do it later. Do it now. Rob Markman And as an adult now, I understand what my

[00:55:21] dad is, but you know, don't wait until they do now. Go, go, go, go, go, go. My bro, just give me five minutes. I just want to relax. Relax. What? Relax when you're done. I'm just like, okay. Lil Yachty Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

[00:55:29] Because when you think about it, you probably do have more time to relax when you're done opposed to, opposed to doing it. Yeah. You, you probably have more something just cut off. Something just cut off this. This camera's dead. Okay. That's fine. We almost had it. Yeah.

[00:55:44] We almost had it. Don't worry about it. Um, so with that being said, like you, you, you probably have more time to relax then then, uh, after doing it, then opposed to, yo, I need five more minutes. Cause I'm five more minutes. Gonna turn it to 10 minutes.

[00:55:59] Then 10 minutes, gonna turn it to half an hour. Then I'll be like, yo, I'm gonna do it in two hours. Then next thing you know, the day is over. You didn't do it. You know, so stuff like that also also makes you late.

[00:56:09] And I'm a big, like, I've noticed that I've started doing that. I was like, all right, I gotta stop fucking doing this shit. Like I'm five minutes, 10 minutes. I'm staring at the ceiling. I'm like, what the fuck am I staring at the ceiling for?

[00:56:18] Just get the fuck up. But um, but yeah, shout out to my pops for that. And shout out to the person that said procrastination is like masturbation. At the end of the day, you fucking yourself. Yeah. You killed that.

[00:56:28] I thought I would wait, you didn't make that up. No. Oh damn. I feel lied to. Shout out to Tax. Oh. They had taxed me down there. Oh, he did? Yeah. But yeah, it is what it is. Shout out to y'all for being in the building.

[00:56:44] I don't know what LA just said, but I hope my moves snuck away in the photo. You already know this Don Peasy. If it is, Quanie enlarge it so you know he don't look drunk. Y'all can get me a DD. Hold on, hold on, hold on.

[00:56:55] Don't have my man looking shrimpy out here, you know what I'm saying? Hold on brother, hold on brother, hold on brother, hold on brother. Hold on brother. Hold on brother. 12 inch python. Don the camera guy. Don the camera guy, I'm done.

[00:57:09] You can follow me at stay focused LA. Don't forget to like comment and subscribe. I did forget to do that last part. Yeah you did. Okay. Don't forget to like, comment, subscribe all things What's A Good Guy coming out every

[00:57:17] Monday at 8am on whatsogoodguy.com, YouTube backslash whatsogoodguy and all DSPs. Um, yeah, till next week. I got like a couple more, a couple episodes that I really want to do that settled down joint. So maybe that's the next one.

[00:57:34] Okay um and don't forget to give it to giving y'all. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Quanie tell them where they can follow you and all that good stuff. You know where they can purchase. OAVinit, SondeerNewYork.com. It's a woman, it's a woman, a woman apparel brand.

[00:57:46] It's a Sondeer woman. Shout out to the swans. Shout out to the swans. Yeah, that's what we call it on Wednesday day. I love that. The swans. Shout out to the swans. The swans in the water, the swans in the bedrooms, the swans everywhere, the pools.

[00:58:04] God is good. I'm glad I'm not feeling blue. I'm out of here man. I need a watermelon.