Episode 267: Who Raised You?

[00:00:00] I can do what I gotta do. I don't care if I get caught. Um, you already know it is my people out there on the airwaves

[00:00:07] It's your most favorite lover as always Donald Peasley alongside of LaShawn. Um, it's another beautiful day here and um

[00:00:13] Let's call it Switzerland today

[00:00:15] So I'm not peaceful them things going on here got the fellas and the lady fellas in the building. I'm shout to them

[00:00:21] Hey LA what's going on?

[00:00:23] You look at real actual question. They give you a budget here

[00:00:30] I

[00:00:37] Like that I was wondering the chat while squirrels wrote that which I wear it today

[00:00:51] Cake a plane bro. I can't complain. I'm looking for this

[00:00:54] For this question every guy it's a little it's a little tough one

[00:01:00] Nah, this is not it. Wait, hold on. This is not it because I remember she she wrote this from her burner burner page

[00:01:10] My character what I said, this is from a elite burner pages has no followers no following nothing

[00:01:16] No following the icon is the gray with the body symbol

[00:01:21] Body symbol, this is a bird of bird of page

[00:01:25] so

[00:01:26] You ready guys? Yeah

[00:01:28] Hi, I need some advice, but it's a long story. Aren't they all

[00:01:34] Which let's go. There's a lot of details, but I'm a summarize it this the best I can

[00:01:40] I was in a relationship that ended in January. My relationship was almost two years long and it and it was with the best guy

[00:01:49] He would do anything for me I

[00:01:52] Want us to remember that sentence? He would do anything for her

[00:01:58] the little things and the big things like

[00:02:02] Take life serious

[00:02:05] Like princess treatment 24-7

[00:02:08] But of course we had our problems with arguing. I

[00:02:12] Don't mind conflict, but he hated it because he grew up with it

[00:02:17] Our arguments sometimes were valid and sometimes ridiculous the ridiculous ones be the worst ones

[00:02:23] I would say communication was our problem and immaturity on both ends. I

[00:02:28] Was the better communicator while he was shut down and brushed things off

[00:02:33] For like three months our relationship will rain hell with arguments

[00:02:37] Our last fight was a big one and I ended up telling I ended up telling me

[00:02:42] I don't think he's truly happy and content with himself. He actually agreed and said I was right a

[00:02:49] Few days later we broke up and the break was weird first

[00:02:53] He wanted and then first he wanted it and then we talked and then he didn't want it

[00:02:58] It didn't feel right for me. But then I wanted to try ultimately just ended things

[00:03:03] I told him he needed to go to therapy and that's what he did

[00:03:08] He has daddy issues

[00:03:10] conflict issues

[00:03:12] Attachment issues. He needs a lot of reassurance

[00:03:16] Abandonment issues. I feel like this is one of my

[00:03:23] And just figuring it figuring out life in mid-twenties or no, it was not me

[00:03:28] Throughout our relationship. He changed career paths several times, which I get though

[00:03:33] He said he was ready to come and find me in the future

[00:03:37] We tried to cut all contacts, but we kept texting each other. We ended up hooking up again. They were fucking

[00:03:45] After that

[00:03:45] He really wanted me to stay in his life and wanted to be friends

[00:03:49] Like three weeks of begging basically to have a friendship and see if we can rekindle I didn't like that

[00:03:55] So I said no

[00:03:56] He would throw these little fits then block me then ask me if I'm already moving on and block me unblock me and text me

[00:04:04] these apologies

[00:04:05] We had our last talk about our relationship and seeing about seeing something in the future of holding or with but holding our breath. I

[00:04:14] Basically told him he's not where he needs to be and he needs to figure out what he wants

[00:04:19] he's always been wishy-washy with these things and

[00:04:22] He agreed and we stopped talking but the next day he texts me he wants to be

[00:04:27] What do you say?

[00:04:28] He wants to be where I want him to be and I told him we need to cut communication

[00:04:34] Keep in mind. We broke up in January. This is still March

[00:04:37] Fast forward a week. He blocks me on social media

[00:04:40] We get in contact and he tells me he's talking to someone else. He's back on hinge after the breakup

[00:04:47] Look for boxes tough. Yeah, how she know how he know he was on hinge. How she know he was on hand

[00:04:55] Probably

[00:04:58] His therapist doesn't think we're a good match and he think and he thinks there's nothing left for us

[00:05:04] So he probably got a black male therapist

[00:05:07] I'm confused but surprised because he doesn't because he does this way

[00:05:12] Says one thing and does another we don't talk for over a month during that time. I'm stalking his new girl. She's soft

[00:05:25] She's soft launching him and he's commenting heart eyes under her post and I'm like wow, he's in a whole relationship

[00:05:32] After the soft launch though, there's no more post about

[00:05:36] He ends up reaching out and wanting to apologize for his behavior

[00:05:43] We

[00:05:50] Have to talk about our relationships and both admit our faults I asked about the other girl he said they're not together

[00:05:58] But they're not not together. Oh

[00:06:00] So he's still touching says says that's what she says says we hang out

[00:06:06] And whatever we do is is our thing

[00:06:10] Mm-hmm read between the teeth leaves. I

[00:06:14] Asked if they're friends with benefits he say no, but he doesn't say it's his girlfriend

[00:06:23] He would want to change the subject I would too

[00:06:27] And for three weeks now she hasn't posted anything related to him

[00:06:31] So I don't know what to believe later in the convo. He acts I still want him to come find me

[00:06:36] Oh, I see what she means later in the convo

[00:06:39] Do I still want him to come find me in the future and I was confused by that because I'm like

[00:06:45] You got a whole new girlfriend you petty. I was so childish. She didn't ask you that

[00:06:52] She asked for advice

[00:06:55] And asking me about our future. You got a whole new girlfriend. You asked me about our future

[00:07:01] I

[00:07:02] Always told him I don't know because it's a lot happened a lot has happened

[00:07:06] I ended up texting him later saying he's distracted himself by getting into a new situation

[00:07:10] And it's only gonna prevent his growth

[00:07:12] And if he was really trying to see me in the future, his actions would be would be doing all the talking

[00:07:22] he said

[00:07:23] He's doing the work for his own growth and start saying everything he's doing in his life

[00:07:28] But no mention of the girl so I just stopped responding. Do you care about the girl or not?

[00:07:34] Then he blocked me on everything again

[00:07:36] Can you guys explain to me what this man is doing or what he's thinking yes, I

[00:07:43] think he still loves me and he cares and

[00:07:48] Want something with me later on but knows I won't accept any more BS and I'm the Lulu

[00:07:55] That's how word and he's playing a game

[00:07:57] I figured out I figured he got a rebound because he can't be alone shouts of four bats. That song is fire

[00:08:03] He's hitting me up while he's still with her

[00:08:07] Okay, boom, then she responds. I said, okay, we got this

[00:08:11] We're gonna record this blah blah blah and we'll get to you. She hits us up Thursday. I

[00:08:16] Don't know if this will add anything more if you guys recorded

[00:08:21] But he's been stalking my socials and watching all of my stories for a month now

[00:08:24] And today he literally is gassing up his new girl on IG in the comments of our pics

[00:08:29] In the comments of our pics then he looks at my story right after so I went private then he blocked me again

[00:08:35] lol

[00:08:36] Thank you for taking time for my story

[00:08:39] Bro, right. What's it? What's a good guy management page shoutouts to whoever's handling social media

[00:08:45] They said I'm so sorry you deserve better

[00:08:53] The reason why this can't be dirty Mac and we don't know what she look like

[00:08:56] I don't even know who this human. Yeah, it's literally it's literally a unlocked image. No, it's crazy

[00:09:05] Well, we don't know who you are thank you for all that you do

[00:09:08] I'm doing way better. I just wanted to hear a male's perspective on how he thinks the 20th, right? So yes today's 20th

[00:09:16] All right, miss anonymous

[00:09:26] I just say one thing. Yeah, you're getting spun. Let's be you're getting literally you're getting spun. That's literally it bro. You're getting spun

[00:09:34] Keep you you can you keep allowing them back? You're it doesn't matter

[00:09:37] Oh, I'll wait for you wait for what for the same shit to happen again. You've seen it three times

[00:09:42] Feeling to block you or show you a soft lunch another girl and then come back and do it again and block

[00:09:47] You're allowing this shit bro, which will I will continue when clearly you're loving it. It's kind of weird like

[00:09:56] Night now, oh don't say you do deserve better and you should want better for yourself

[00:09:59] Like you might love him, but you gotta love yourself more. I mean truth be told

[00:10:05] At this stage of my life. I don't do confusion

[00:10:08] Yeah, you gotta be certain so this this reading that alone was just confusing and I know

[00:10:16] Obviously she loves the man

[00:10:18] and all her love for him

[00:10:21] May keep her attached, but she has to let that go but she did say

[00:10:28] What do we think is going through his mind? Mm-hmm

[00:10:32] All right, so we're gonna answer that question directly what we're gonna try to so I'm gonna put myself in his shoes

[00:10:41] He don't know what he wants and

[00:10:45] Every day he wants something different

[00:10:49] You know I'm saying so he may wake up and realize yo, I'm rebounded like this new shorty

[00:10:56] She flyer but she not where I want. She's not where I want to be. So that goes with the he's literally

[00:11:04] Playing tennis with his emotions and she's the ball and he's literally crashing out

[00:11:08] And so when he hit her on the other side, the girl is there and then when the ball come back

[00:11:13] I was really I want shorty back. So

[00:11:16] He's I'm not saying that his feelings for miss anonymous super anonymous

[00:11:24] Is isn't real

[00:11:27] But it's gonna be hard for him to justify because he's not he's not sure what or what he wants and I feel like

[00:11:35] That is when she will know when he's serious when he can act on what he wants

[00:11:41] You know, we all want things but it's not until we actually go get it that we actually can see it manifest

[00:11:48] So if he wants to be better, I mean he's in therapy. He got a lot to unpack

[00:11:54] According to her

[00:11:57] He got multiple issues daddy issues

[00:12:00] Communication issues. So it seems like he's got to unlearn a lot of things

[00:12:06] She don't have to go to that class though. You don't have to wait for class to be over. Yeah, no

[00:12:11] You know, you know when you first go to college and you go to the class

[00:12:16] You got a week to drop and they don't count against you. You don't got to pay for it

[00:12:20] Yeah, I think she's staying too long and now she's gonna pay the price. Um the new girl

[00:12:26] That's all she is just a new girl. No, she just a face. So she's literally just a

[00:12:31] Yeah, it's a vessel for right now. Like he just needs somebody I

[00:12:35] don't well

[00:12:38] I'm not gonna say he's lying. I just I do think it's a little hard to believe that that he not romping

[00:12:44] Yeah, he told her they're not friends she acts if they're friends with benefits that's always a tough thing to do though well, um

[00:12:53] Cuz click all right, they're not together. Mm-hmm. So essentially in my opinion

[00:12:58] He doesn't have to answer that perfecto

[00:13:01] He does I bet I know because you got love and y'all been whatever whatever I got history

[00:13:07] He necessarily that's his business

[00:13:10] Now if he double-dipping

[00:13:13] Then now it's your business you but she didn't say they were fucking she did. No, she didn't

[00:13:20] She did say they hooked up

[00:13:23] So, okay. So if that okay, so I stand corrected if if they are if he is still dabbling in his ex

[00:13:31] and he is

[00:13:33] Gassing up another woman. She has all right to ask that for her

[00:13:36] But if they are not

[00:13:40] Don't let him sleeping with another woman stop you from being with I know that's crazy to say

[00:13:50] So, what do you think he's doing

[00:13:52] So, what do you think he's doing

[00:14:02] No, okay y'all broke up y'all are not together and at this point she's talking about it's been months

[00:14:14] Personally bro, I think you really just want to tension he do but he don't know what he want

[00:14:20] He wants he still loves it over is more of like

[00:14:24] I'm not a lot of blocking and I'm walking. That's a lot of one that's bad immature

[00:14:28] When do you start the founder say a night? This is for us is it I got people that are blocked and this that's it

[00:14:34] But it's up to her to close that door bang because right now what?

[00:14:39] Yeah, it's a revolving door

[00:14:45] It's gonna be something that really pisses off

[00:14:47] To cut it off. You don't get her pregnant. Oh my god

[00:14:56] Yeah, I was gonna say right now she has some type of control

[00:14:59] She just doesn't understand that she bad when she realized that she got all the control

[00:15:06] Well, I think it's safe to say she's going through a heartbreak at the same

[00:15:11] Got you noticing the comments on the show these pictures and then you notice in the comments in real time with your posting in his

[00:15:18] Posting yeah

[00:15:21] To be honest with you they're both crashing out

[00:15:23] But doesn't he seem more like the one that's not well, you don't know. No, no, he's no he's

[00:15:29] Blocked it on block. Yeah, why that part is kind of weird you you show you soft lotion a shorty

[00:15:34] Then you still talking now he gets off launch. He's just

[00:15:38] He doing the

[00:15:40] The comment is according to her comments are hot. How did you find a new girl?

[00:15:45] Well women are detectives women are detectives. So they they figure things out like that, right? That's what they say

[00:15:51] She's on those page. She's on the ghost page daily looking at new comments and new likes. That's what his babes, bro. Yeah

[00:15:58] She's hurting herself. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you said doing that is literally self-sabotage

[00:16:04] Yeah, she's hurting herself as I want you to stop you deserve better you do

[00:16:10] La you give her eye contact. I guess I want you to stop

[00:16:18] You know and for her I guess for her safety she wanted to keep it that way

[00:16:23] But like nah the stalking and I feel like there's just so much toxic shit in that whole situation to the point

[00:16:28] You just gotta blow you leave that. I hope you're not looking at her wondering what she has on you

[00:16:35] Yeah, it has nothing to do with you him

[00:16:39] Like I said, she's just something to do when there's nothing to do. He needs a space that

[00:16:45] Or if you serious, well, I don't know how serious you all about getting back with him because like I said, this was confusing

[00:16:51] couples therapy

[00:16:54] But you gotta I feel like that shit don't work unless you not willing to be truthful

[00:16:59] Yeah, and forgive me. They both got me dead after themselves. Yeah

[00:17:05] Well, you know what's crazy she said his therapist said they not go for each other

[00:17:13] She just put bullet in the gun and just uh off him nah, huh?

[00:17:17] Yeah

[00:17:19] Put on a party flyer Joe

[00:17:21] And the whole shit jsm jsm

[00:17:26] You know that be hurting everybody feeling

[00:17:29] Not a year. Um, choose yourself. Yeah, no choose yourself, but from

[00:17:34] his perspective

[00:17:38] Yeah, I would just say he's just indecisive he's literally confused he loves you but

[00:17:43] just a thought of the therapist telling him all of that and then

[00:17:46] Like his mind is everywhere. So it's like I want to be with you, but I can't be with you

[00:17:49] So it's like he's back and forth, but you don't deserve the back and forth

[00:17:53] You need to figure your own shit out first

[00:17:55] And he won't come back and forth if he if he knows he can't even get in there, bro

[00:18:00] If you if you close the door, I can't get in like it's over like the blocking

[00:18:04] He might once he blocked you you block him cool. Don't contact each other again. That's that you keep I'm like, all right

[00:18:10] Oh, you hit me up. I bet or just block him back. So when he reaches out he knows what's up

[00:18:14] I actually know it just don't block to set the boundary that hurts way more

[00:18:18] When the message is delivered, but there's no reply. Yeah, I mean it depends what kind of person that is though

[00:18:26] I've known people to

[00:18:28] To change they number and still give it back to fucking corn ball bro disappointed. Whoa, whoa

[00:18:35] Better off being gay. I told you

[00:18:39] What I'm going to the Bronx after this

[00:18:41] Oh

[00:18:45] But yeah, choose yourself, that's all yeah facts choose yourself

[00:18:48] choose yourself

[00:18:50] So that goes for all people self-love our friends

[00:18:54] his neighbor

[00:18:56] Choose yourself. Oh my god

[00:18:58] fuck

[00:19:00] But yeah that goes to my episode, right? Yeah, what you talking about today?

[00:19:05] damn, so

[00:19:07] Michael I was a right now is a long message

[00:19:11] You know what's crazy cuz she had wrote us like on a Saturday and double back on Thursday. What for me, bro?

[00:19:17] I think I think me la on the phone. I was like I'm talking in you like don't you see that DM?

[00:19:21] I was like, well, do you know he was right next to each other? We were we was driving

[00:19:25] How much I remember see now is like I work. Yeah

[00:19:28] We was driving

[00:19:30] Driving you was reading it to me while I was driving. I'm like now I gotta what we went to BBQ. Yes

[00:19:37] Yes

[00:19:38] but um

[00:19:41] It's right around the corner

[00:19:46] But now

[00:19:48] Based off of what he was what she was saying about his upbringing, right?

[00:19:52] I want to ask all the guys in the room if you had to raise your younger self

[00:19:57] What difference what changes would you have made from your parents? So if I was raising the Shawn

[00:20:04] What would the Shawn do for the show? What would you have done for yourself that you didn't get as

[00:20:10] A child what we don't do for the channel more. Um, yeah, I know for that was I like that was like a nice therapist question

[00:20:15] But um, I would have just told my give myself more positive words

[00:20:20] More positive words arm and just show myself what what love look that sounds crazy

[00:20:25] But so much of a love really looks like mmm. What about you Joe?

[00:20:28] Um for me, I would say if I was raising my younger self, I would pour into my creative

[00:20:35] my creative side more and support my

[00:20:38] Endeavors more

[00:20:44] Yeah, I just don't feel like I

[00:20:46] Fully got that kind of support from my parents when I was younger

[00:20:49] So if I think I think I'd be a little bit further along if I got that. Mm. Yeah, I would do that

[00:20:56] What about you screws? I'll be a man

[00:21:00] Now my father wasn't really around so mmm, I was like, you know, I really respect

[00:21:08] No, okay, what would you what would you do? What would you do?

[00:21:11] If you was raised, what do you guys?

[00:21:14] Know no, no. No, what would you speak move closer to the yeah, please

[00:21:18] I mean, I would be present and available in lead. Oh

[00:21:23] Yeah, I'll have to lead more because he didn't do his job. Mm-hmm

[00:21:28] And so if somebody was able to lead more out of an able to kind of follow

[00:21:32] So that way, you know learning as we're trying to build and she like that. You know me

[00:21:37] Mm-hmm

[00:21:39] For me, I think um if I was raising myself, I would start with

[00:21:45] Giving myself

[00:21:47] The space to talk. Mmm, that's like I feel like I really most of the

[00:21:53] most times most people or

[00:21:57] Family wise didn't know anything wrong about me till shit hit the fan. So I never felt like I had that space to

[00:22:05] Talk freely without worrying about how I would backlash. Yeah, so yeah, I think I think

[00:22:14] Being comfortable expressing myself in the moment

[00:22:19] Allowing myself that space. I think I I would have done that and um

[00:22:27] See where that goes from there because then I then would be like yo

[00:22:30] I'm interested in this so I'm interested in that or you know, I want to learn this or there's so many things

[00:22:36] I wanted to do but I knew the answer was always no, so I couldn't speak up

[00:22:42] Yeah, so

[00:22:44] Fuck right. So yeah exactly. So I would have helped my younger self find my voice, you know

[00:22:51] one

[00:22:52] One parent that always look at and person is Donda and Kanye

[00:22:57] Always look at that even I'm watching a documentary

[00:22:59] I was like, oh bro sheet the way she told to this brother was so inspiring like the way he acts now say I whatever but

[00:23:04] Yeah, he literally felt like you do anything, but then you can see why he cracked

[00:23:07] Why did that she passed? Yeah. Yeah, so that's like that was just she's your lifeline, bro

[00:23:12] Yeah, nobody you you literally have nobody to tell you are you you not you doing too much now chill. Mm-hmm

[00:23:17] Mm-hmm that too. I feel like I kind of went through life without God. It's mm-hmm

[00:23:22] I just knew right from wrong, but I didn't know

[00:23:25] Where to go in my household, I'm the first to go to college

[00:23:28] So I don't even I didn't even know what to pick as a major. I'm just winging it

[00:23:32] I thought I thought as an accountant you make man money. I

[00:23:37] Started doing accounting. They really fuck with it

[00:23:39] You know I'm saying at that time Stephen a Smith was the hottest thing smoking. I wanted to do

[00:23:47] Journalism, I didn't know you I didn't know I couldn't just stick to basketball. I had to do cover everything wasn't interested in that

[00:23:54] But I just felt like I had to figure life on my own

[00:23:59] that

[00:24:00] When I do figure it out is no sense of enjoyment. It's just I what's next?

[00:24:07] You know cuz I didn't really I've rarely got celebrated for anything and that that that's was something I would

[00:24:14] Did with my younger self I would have always celebrated small victories. Yeah, even a fucking birthday

[00:24:21] You know I'm saying like

[00:24:23] You know, I didn't really have no parties. Maybe that's why I don't like surprises. Maybe that's why I don't like large gatherings

[00:24:30] Yeah, so

[00:24:32] Unpacking, you know my childhood and how I would have raised myself differently or what my inner child needed the most

[00:24:40] you know probably would have

[00:24:44] Shaped the way I turn out

[00:24:46] well

[00:24:48] What is something that as an adult

[00:24:52] Feeds your inner child

[00:24:59] Being creative. Oh, I wasn't I wasn't allowed to do certain things like

[00:25:04] Even down to paint and it's like that none of that shit

[00:25:07] That shit was happy. I don't have to do that shit at

[00:25:10] My cousin's crib if I had to do something. It's like a sneaky thing. I had to do. Mm-hmm

[00:25:13] Like I wasn't able to do that was it bro. Just be creative bro. What about y'all? Yeah, same thing as Don

[00:25:19] honestly

[00:25:19] the reason why I'm so locked in as a graphic designer is because the first thing I ever really did outside of

[00:25:25] Sports was draw like that was all I used to do. I just draw everything

[00:25:28] I used to be on Microsoft paint painting everything

[00:25:31] So I never felt like I always didn't know what that could really grow to be

[00:25:36] I just was doing it do it and I didn't really feel no support from that

[00:25:38] So because now I see what it is. I always tap back into that like yo when I was younger

[00:25:44] This is why this is why I go so hard now because that's what feeds my inner child. I'm sure

[00:25:49] It's gross

[00:25:53] Yeah, me too I think my inner child died a long time ago and

[00:25:57] and um, I

[00:25:58] Mean that's I respect that though. Yeah, so there's nothing that really like like maybe video games you do. I mean, yeah video games

[00:26:11] Feeding my inner child, I think you know what's crazy

[00:26:14] I think that's why for a while. I used to hunt relationships because I was desperate for somebody to love me

[00:26:19] hmm, like I was just I

[00:26:22] you know I'm saying but

[00:26:24] Cuz I didn't know what as a child what loving yourself look like as a child look like, you know

[00:26:31] That's not something I heard often

[00:26:34] As you I'm thinking about that question as you went around just now another thing that feeds my inner child is

[00:26:39] Me listen to my friends problems and just just being it

[00:26:43] Yeah, like like I always say I wanted to be a therapist so I never had that ability to talk to anybody or

[00:26:49] Show that love if I wasn't showing that love that I wanted

[00:26:52] So being able to listen to my friends and have them pour into me like that that feeds my job

[00:26:58] yeah, I was uh

[00:26:59] This podcast episode came to me when I was speaking of rail alone like a couple months ago

[00:27:06] and

[00:27:09] Rail we uh, we kind of was talking about you know

[00:27:12] He wants to do things that he didn't get to do as a kid and I'm like

[00:27:16] What are some of the things that you liked he was like, you know, I love the museum. I'm just always busy

[00:27:20] I'm like your bro this mad exhibits

[00:27:22] I think we was talking about him missing the Jay-z exhibit and why it pissed him off so much and I'm like

[00:27:28] Yo that that feeds your inner child like museums and arts and Tokyo and stuff like that. I'm like, yo, you just gotta go

[00:27:36] And

[00:27:38] Reliving as an adult and then recently a

[00:27:45] Couple months ago was WrestleMania and you kind of see all these guys our age is loving that shit

[00:27:52] And they just like the giddiest

[00:27:54] Adults you ever see and it's like like you'll see Armand. You'll see Jeff

[00:27:59] I've been seeing Torian like they love this wrestling shit and

[00:28:04] You can't tell yes, we know it's sports entertainment

[00:28:07] It's not real but the joy that that comes from you enjoying it. It's nostalgic, bro

[00:28:13] Yeah, like seeing seeing um seeing the rock beat up. I forgot the other guys name. I don't really watch those Roman Reigns

[00:28:19] Yeah, no, that's his cousin or something in the lineage

[00:28:24] Lineage is insane. But yeah just seeing that it's just like bro. Like I remember those times Oh Cody Rhodes Cody Rhodes

[00:28:30] Sit on the couch with my dad and my brother watching wrestling is like a boy dishes ill

[00:28:34] So I understand their love for it, bro. It brings back a time when like yo, no bills like peaceful time. Yeah

[00:28:40] Yeah, yeah, you're not that too and those bonded moments right? Like you would say you uh, you was watching it with your family

[00:28:47] I think I would be more family oriented. I was like, uh

[00:28:53] I always heard you'll stay in a child's place

[00:28:56] But my parents never placed me next to them. Hmm, so I always I did mad shit alone

[00:29:03] mad shit alone, so I

[00:29:06] think that's why I

[00:29:08] Go through things alone too until after then it's like I cool this done

[00:29:12] This is what I went through like my parents didn't know

[00:29:18] They know about my graduation remember that story

[00:29:20] They know I got hit by a car neither it took them like a week and a half cuz I was like hiding my limp

[00:29:26] Mm-hmm, but then I need was like

[00:29:29] you know how

[00:29:30] You press the windows button

[00:29:36] My knee just drop it's like yo, what the fuck is wrong with your leg? I'm like, yo, I got into a car accident two weeks

[00:29:41] ago

[00:29:43] And they were pissed but it was like boy. I don't know

[00:29:46] I'll be scared like yo, bro to be in a household

[00:29:48] Will you scared to tell somebody you got hurt is insane?

[00:29:51] So now to be in a household and you don't know and nobody knows what you're going through is I mean, yeah

[00:29:55] I mean you're literally on the island by yourself. Yeah

[00:29:58] so

[00:30:00] It was that only like I mean speaking for my house. Oh, is that only Caribbean households or is that like?

[00:30:07] immigrant in general

[00:30:09] Please girls like when you go through shit, is it by yourself? Yeah, you know why in your household will know anything

[00:30:19] Yeah, I don't know what is it or is it a man things I

[00:30:23] Wouldn't want it to be to be honest with you. I would never want that to be a man thing

[00:30:27] So if I'm raising myself, I got it

[00:30:29] Oh whenever we have a child if I have a child cuz I don't know how that's looking for me anymore

[00:30:33] but uh

[00:30:40] I

[00:30:43] For one need a

[00:30:45] kind of

[00:30:46] Provide that level of reassurance that yo, you could talk to me about anything Luria open space. I won't judge you

[00:30:53] I'll guide you you it's up to you, but I think that's that's with me. I will have to tell

[00:30:59] My kid my fuck-ups to that's it. That's the thing. A lot of people don't want to tell their kids

[00:31:04] Yeah, no, I know that's gonna have to come with it

[00:31:09] The thing about it is

[00:31:11] Like our parents try to maintain an image you have to be you want to be held at a high like like so I kind

[00:31:17] Of want my kids. Yes. I'm your dad boy. Yo, your dad went through this

[00:31:22] It's funny that you're saying that now. I'm I'm rethinking the arm the Mother's Day arm

[00:31:28] sermon

[00:31:29] When she says she was telling her kids what happened and they looked at her and he said I still love you like just to

[00:31:33] Have that space with your kid is like yeah, I feel like

[00:31:36] Creating a safe space is also

[00:31:40] Putting my guard down and like yo when I was your age, I went through this. I went through this

[00:31:45] I did this I did this I went through that

[00:31:48] Like damn you got your heart broken before. Yeah, it's not always money mo be kid

[00:31:54] Like honesty is the best policy in that. Yeah, and that you kind of want to show like

[00:31:59] You know this walk of life

[00:32:01] That that that is

[00:32:04] Difficult, but I overcame you know, it's crazy. That's I think that's why I look at my uncle the way I do

[00:32:10] We literally sit down. He'll tell him he'll tell me like I'm telling what I'm doing

[00:32:13] He was like, you know, this is what you want to do

[00:32:15] But you'll do some work with your hands like the HVAC electricians are you guys will make you bread?

[00:32:20] But keep doing what you're doing, but you gotta have a plan B. Like he'll sit there

[00:32:23] He keeps keeping in the buck with me. He's like, I just what I did. It's right down my bro

[00:32:27] Why you tell me this he say yo, I'm telling you what mom they never told me I was like, oh bro

[00:32:31] I fuck with you like to have that was I wish my dad was more open like that

[00:32:35] But it's like yeah, like mine even

[00:32:38] Even when my dad is like, I always want to ask him about his upbringing the other day. He's telling me

[00:32:42] He's telling me he's like, yeah, I don't know whoever watch the Bob Marley movie. He was like, yeah, we watching it together

[00:32:46] He's all year. I grew up in that yard. I said my nigga

[00:32:49] What?

[00:32:51] Kingston

[00:33:02] You know in the intake and the therapy session they kind of try to do your family tree

[00:33:06] I don't know anything past my parents. I don't know

[00:33:10] What it what their upbringing was like meta with him. I don't know where they met at. Yeah

[00:33:15] I don't know none of that. I'm a brav

[00:33:18] When I was like dating heavy was like yo, bro women like oh so we have parents from what your parents do like

[00:33:23] Oh, you know this I'm like, I don't know any of that stuff. I don't oh wow

[00:33:28] Why if your parents don't talk to you? I said yo, bro, like it don't work like that in this household

[00:33:31] Mm-hmm, like I know your name. I know you but I just found out my mom's middle name for real bro

[00:33:35] Now you bothered it that you wallet, but I don't that's funny. I don't know my mother's middle name, bro

[00:33:40] Mom, bro, I learned my mom's middle name at my aunt's funeral, bro, really

[00:33:45] Thanks. I like that really

[00:33:47] Really bro, I'm shocked. I think something like that. I was like, yo, I've been seeing my mom's full name forever, bro

[00:33:54] It's not on her license though

[00:33:56] It's not her life. I don't know Ross. You know some people say a brush your middle name. She said yeah

[00:34:02] Only person I know in this household is Mills

[00:34:05] Yeah, I

[00:34:07] Don't know. Yeah that too. So if I have a if I have multiple children now, I'm getting greedy. I

[00:34:15] Would make sure that was quick I would make sure they're close

[00:34:20] That is yeah, that's important. Yeah, that's very important close like I didn't I didn't have coming up

[00:34:26] I did not have a great relationship with my brother

[00:34:28] My oldest brother. Yeah, we were cool my middle brother boy. I'd never forget that. He ripped my Burberry shirt

[00:34:36] Red Burberry shirt. He want you to get a girl pregnant. I was watching this

[00:34:41] About to tick tock the other day and it was a

[00:34:43] These these sisters and they were talking about the sibling dick their sibling dictionary

[00:34:46] And one sister was just reading these questions that the two other siblings were just answering

[00:34:52] over and over that they have this synergy and I'm sitting there like

[00:34:56] Damn, like I know me and my sister close

[00:34:57] But I don't know if we got like that kind of cuz me and my sister are two years apart

[00:35:00] But I'm like damn we do we got like a dictionary and I just felt like that was such a cool bond to have with

[00:35:04] The sibling so I do agree that when I have kids I want them to be close

[00:35:08] I want them to feel like I like the their best friends

[00:35:11] They can talk to like yeah each other and all that. I don't want none of that. Like oh, I already fuck with my sibling

[00:35:16] Oh, yeah, I mean you could and that's kind of where I would close. I would do the best I can

[00:35:26] So

[00:35:28] Growing up. There's not anything that I went without

[00:35:33] so

[00:35:35] hearing no, I

[00:35:37] Can handle a no the walk but not even that no cuz I never got a while I

[00:35:44] Would do that. Yeah, I would explain the why I can't go to France house because yeah, but

[00:35:51] The I

[00:35:54] Don't think I would let go of my child's hand like I you old enough. Yeah good. Nah, bro. Yeah, I'm always here

[00:36:01] yeah, so

[00:36:03] That too like for my parents out from my dad's side I just okay

[00:36:10] He was electrician, but I kind of had to learn that trade on my own

[00:36:15] When I had a foreman in my career

[00:36:17] That didn't that don't make no sense. You know I'm saying I don't feel like I was passed down anything

[00:36:24] Mother side same thing like excellent cook

[00:36:29] Don't know got not one recipe with me. No excellent cook one of the best cooks I've ever

[00:36:36] You know, but uh same time my mom's an excellent saver

[00:36:42] She could she could earn a dollar and work with 15 cents and save the 85 and I to this day

[00:36:48] I don't know her strategy. I don't know how she do it

[00:36:52] That's something I feel like you should have taught me

[00:36:55] So a lot of teaching a lot of a

[00:37:00] Lot of holding a lot of reassuring. I didn't get I didn't get reassured on anything in life

[00:37:05] So that's why when I get a compliment, I'd be like that ass

[00:37:09] but it's not until I

[00:37:12] Started asking myself yo who raised you

[00:37:16] That I've realized who I am raise yourself

[00:37:19] Yeah, and the way I raised myself isn't the way I would want to raise a child

[00:37:25] So I got an unlearn

[00:37:28] All of the things that I did out of survival

[00:37:32] I felt like I lived out of survival, and I don't want to uh so long. No, that's yeah. I don't want to

[00:37:38] Pass that on to my to my kids by any means necessary

[00:37:42] I think one thing that I've learned from my parents

[00:37:45] I don't want to put a password to my kids whenever that time comes is

[00:37:49] Just going cold like I've seen I've literally seen my dad

[00:37:54] As brothers funeral even when he heard the news

[00:37:56] He was like that's life and then just kept going but I noticed that I'm doing that. Mm-hmm

[00:38:00] Like it is what it is. That's like. Mm-hmm

[00:38:03] Well, I can't go through life like that my nigga like just being cold to everything now, bro

[00:38:08] I can't do that shit. Mm-hmm. Like it took me so long to actually cry. I'm like, mm-hmm. So

[00:38:12] I

[00:38:14] Know her like no, why do you think they like that though?

[00:38:18] Like some people some people's their upbringing like that's all gonna make my for my grant my grandma on my dad's side

[00:38:25] But she don't like being hugged bro. Oh, yeah. Okay. I hope to one time. She said yo get off me

[00:38:29] I say, you know what ask me if I talk to my grandmother bro because of that, bro

[00:38:33] She's just she cold when I go but I love her to death though. I love her to death. Of course

[00:38:36] Love my grandma death. She just she called my real like yeah, my grandfather my grand my grandfather

[00:38:42] He cold but he cool if you ever met my pops grandfather the same way my grandfather smoke

[00:38:46] So my grandfather a little chill I'm saying but he just he told the same way, bro

[00:38:51] Yeah, I think I think I didn't grow up in an affectionate household. There was no hugs. There's no kisses

[00:38:56] No, go by no come back safe

[00:38:59] There was so so talk about that right like does that affect the way you are with people like today?

[00:39:06] In any way maybe maybe not. Yeah, I think I think

[00:39:10] Not overcompensated but I try to lead with that

[00:39:14] Because I don't wanna I don't I know what that's like not having it

[00:39:20] You know, and I feel like I subconsciously put those pressures on

[00:39:26] Other people to give to me. So when I notice I'm not getting that from somebody or anyone it's like, uh,

[00:39:33] Don't fuck with me

[00:39:35] What if that felt normal to somebody like them not being hugged or hugging or showing that type of affection?

[00:39:41] What I did what if that just felt normal because that was their upbringing. I mean, how do you view that person? I

[00:39:46] Understand it. Mm-hmm is normal for me. I just crave it

[00:39:52] So, you know why is it because you know that it exists and that what it can create in somebody's life

[00:39:58] No, I just feel like I'm making up for time then, you know

[00:40:01] I just feel like I'm making up for lost time and that's that's kind of all I really want now

[00:40:08] Fair shit, that's kind of a boy LA

[00:40:11] Boy, LA. Yeah, in fact, that's

[00:40:15] We got to do a group hug

[00:40:18] I mean scientifically they say you supposed to get eight hugs eight right eight. I've been fine without

[00:40:31] That's what I hope he was doing trying to tell shorty they just friend

[00:40:38] Hey my hugs a day will be crazy though from the same person. Yeah. Oh, she's mad affectionate

[00:40:45] But now that's kind of you know, what's crazy. That's kind of what I

[00:40:49] Understand like like I said asking myself

[00:40:54] How would I raise myself I could kind of reflect on why I want the things I want out of a

[00:41:00] Significant other

[00:41:02] Now does that mean that they got to make up for my parents? No, but I know that

[00:41:08] That that cup is empty. So anyone that's

[00:41:13] Could or would pour into me. I would appreciate that, you know, and like I said, this is all hindsight

[00:41:21] And like I said earlier, I've realized that a lot of the a lot of my issues with people

[00:41:28] Come

[00:41:29] After I'm already upset. So it's like I got to start expressing myself when I feel it in

[00:41:38] a in a manner so where

[00:41:40] because one thing I hate I really hate this with like a

[00:41:44] Passion is that when I express something that upsets me somebody uses that opportunity to tell me

[00:41:51] So I'm with you to do

[00:41:54] Like I feel like I went my whole life not being heard so it's like go shut up and listen

[00:42:01] Respectfully, well, it's like yo, it's over to me

[00:42:05] Like yo, like why are you using this time to now what you ain't saying either? So

[00:42:11] That's what I'm gonna find. It's easy defense mechanism instead of hearing what I did wrong. Let me tell you what you did wrong

[00:42:16] Yeah, but it's literally you getting spun a little bit facts and it's deflected

[00:42:21] Is deflected and dismissive like don't wait until this is not gonna be a now a point point your finger party

[00:42:28] So now when do I tell you that you did something on there when you when I did it?

[00:42:31] Mm-hmm

[00:42:33] When I did it

[00:42:34] Don't wait till the argument happens a week later. You'd be like

[00:42:44] That's fine

[00:42:45] But too much time is too much time not even not even that but why wait until another problem

[00:42:53] You holding you holding cards on issues now I

[00:42:57] Bring I bring a problem see now. Now it's a pronounces a problem a I didn't know about

[00:43:02] Facts and then you know what happens we never talk about problem B

[00:43:06] You know I'm saying so if I come to you, you know last week not even last week a down yesterday you did this

[00:43:12] Yeah, but on

[00:43:14] February 2nd nigga. We're you're crazy. No, yeah, but it's crazy. I feel like I feel like

[00:43:20] Don would be able to bring up the issue that he has with you after he hears out the issue that you have with him

[00:43:24] And you guys can rectify both

[00:43:26] I think that is if two humans are listening to each other that can happen. It depends how he did that how

[00:43:33] How person that person takes what they did wrong like it's like well, yeah, don't take it per second. I mean

[00:43:44] But my yeah, yeah if if me bringing a problem to you and

[00:43:50] You your line of defense is to now tell me what I did to you

[00:43:56] You never heard me. Yeah, and the problem is that they're trying to defend. Yeah, you're not listening

[00:44:01] Literally no accountability in that whole conversation. You're not listening to what I'm saying. I'm saying yo

[00:44:08] You did this

[00:44:10] Instead of you acknowledging

[00:44:12] You're gonna say

[00:44:14] No, but you did this and now we're battling which this was worse. Okay, you know, it's an interesting note

[00:44:21] Can this also be a result of how somebody was brought up boy? Yeah

[00:44:25] It's like yo, you tell your parents they did something wrong. It's like yo, no, I'm your parents

[00:44:29] Like yo, boy, you owe me $20. I get the trade out back. No

[00:44:36] And that's and that's and that's that's

[00:44:39] Something I want to do too because if my if my child say hey you did this to me

[00:44:44] I'm not gonna sit there and say I brought you into this rock

[00:44:50] You know, I

[00:44:51] Bet my bad. I didn't mean to do that

[00:44:54] So they can learn explain why you did it even that oh, but I'm a lead with the apology

[00:45:00] Because as a parent my intent is never gonna want to hurt my kid

[00:45:04] So even if I hurt you, but my intentions weren't my bad, but I did this because

[00:45:12] But I want in with doing that. I want my kid to know

[00:45:16] Okay, it's cool to apologize because my pops always apologize. Even if he was in the right, maybe I was tripping

[00:45:23] but you know

[00:45:25] You feel me? So I'm gonna find ladies get this man a baby

[00:45:28] Oh

[00:45:33] Did you just know cat at the nigga to the airway

[00:45:40] Box and they got the teddy on you might as well throw the box

[00:45:44] Get on his benefits and everything

[00:45:48] Tell you some

[00:45:52] Well, we in Queens all summer

[00:45:59] Why are you going back to Queens to

[00:46:04] But now it's a great conversation man, yeah, so I feel like that's that's the first step but not first step but it's a it's a

[00:46:12] It's a good

[00:46:13] Self-reflecting tactic, you know asking yourself. How would you raise yourself?

[00:46:17] What would you do more?

[00:46:19] And I'm gonna put down my journal today actually

[00:46:22] And we not never wrote down like how I wanted to be loved

[00:46:27] You know, I never I never wrote it down I know

[00:46:32] Yeah, yeah, but yeah, so that's that's kind of that's kind of what I had the episode written down

[00:46:40] But with her question, I kind of imagine to get that's damn the one time

[00:46:45] Yeah, in fact the next one after this this episode

[00:46:48] Y'all gonna laugh cuz I'm gonna tell a story. I never told anyone before

[00:46:53] Yeah story time it's gonna be one of the craziest story times ever I know and now you never told me a story

[00:46:59] I never I know we're not really friends. No, no, no. No, I'm telling you this I've told nobody

[00:47:13] Because I went against my own moral code

[00:47:24] God Dom Paisley Dom Dom the promoter what else am I?

[00:47:27] Donna Donna Donna trainer

[00:47:29] I

[00:47:52] Could follow me at stay focus la on Instagram and Twitter. Don't forget to Like comment subscribe all things

[00:47:57] What's a good guy coming out every Monday like this little smirk you doing?

[00:48:00] Cuz yo, I'm telling you got a smile. I'll tell you when I wrote that episode down

[00:48:06] I wrote that episode down without knowing

[00:48:11] What I'm gonna talk about so you live literally put in the back of your mind the whole not yo, bro

[00:48:16] Yes, damn, so I was in my hotel

[00:48:20] and

[00:48:22] No, no, you see you gotta give him too much now a song came a song came

[00:48:28] Maybe later late that same day. I thought of the episode title, right?

[00:48:33] the song came a song came on and

[00:48:37] I was like, oh

[00:48:39] I know

[00:48:41] So yeah, you gotta listen to it next time listen to come back next week and

[00:48:46] I'm gonna tell I'm gonna tell you a

[00:48:49] story that I suppressed

[00:48:52] So we suppress is crazy. So, um, yeah, what's your social media? I don't know you guys from a hole in the wall

[00:48:57] Me. Oh, yeah

[00:49:00] Joe underscore got game on everything damn. Thanks for the energy

[00:49:09] With a Kato

[00:49:13] You know, we outside all summer, you know father's day so my spotty group page, you know all the events, you know

[00:49:19] The golden hour rooftop party this Sunday

[00:49:33] Yeah, Monday

[00:49:35] Quani is not in the camera, but you

[00:49:40] Know you got out the game you really got out the game. He said follow sound in New York follow sound in New York

[00:49:45] Little look sign there right here sign there on the pants

[00:49:50] Next episode I put my jacket on. Yeah, you know

[00:49:54] Till next time man. Y'all stay y'all stay frosty beloved. God is good, baby