Episode 260: Healthy Boundaries

[00:00:00] I ain't gonna lie, I don't like that patties

[00:00:05] Nah, it's already recorded. I mean I just make your job easy, baby

[00:00:16] You know you've already know this motherfucker should most of it all I'm sorry nigga dog pieces you said that twice

[00:00:22] I just if there's something you need to tell us

[00:00:26] And tell us but I feel like you're good enough to be somebody's main and not the side I do appreciate that you welcome, babe

[00:00:32] I got set boundaries and such stuff like you know and that is why

[00:00:36] twin

[00:00:38] Where have you been come on man? If you I feel no before I begin that oh

[00:00:43] Feel feeling marvelous not tired yet like the sweater. Thank you, baby. Um

[00:00:50] Quan he took forever to give me his so I just found one that looked like a dupe

[00:00:55] I

[00:00:58] Started looking for those just on team

[00:01:05] We gotta find a Zara version for size

[00:01:09] There was a point in time where

[00:01:11] Somebody will release something and Zara would literally do be Zara H&M boy good for that shit

[00:01:17] I think Cyrus had dropped some niggas up the heart shots

[00:01:21] I said so when they got niggas got him

[00:01:25] But yeah, man, I'm doing good man, I can't complain and feeling really vibrant

[00:01:29] I'm pretty sure after we're done recording. I'm going to be gassed but um

[00:01:34] thankful for the energy that I do have now, you know thankful for

[00:01:38] The ideas are still flowing in you know and we got something to talk about man cuz there are times where I'm like damn

[00:01:44] What the fuck are we gonna talk about life is gonna give you a life

[00:01:49] Nice little script. Yeah, man, but hopefully it's it's for

[00:01:54] Good things facts and uplifting things. You know, I don't want to bleed on the pod

[00:02:00] Pulling myself out, you know

[00:02:03] but uh

[00:02:04] If you listen to the last episode, hopefully you're one week of recovering and we are gonna continue to recover

[00:02:10] That was a great episode. I really enjoyed doing that episode that episode was an hour long

[00:02:14] I'm pretty sure I'm a trim it that it's been trimmed down. But you know free

[00:02:19] yeah, very therapeutic, you know and

[00:02:21] Um

[00:02:23] something that I think

[00:02:25] Go along with you know us being in recovery and so on and so forth is

[00:02:32] Establishing healthy boundaries, you know because for a while I

[00:02:38] Wanted to be able to set boundaries but not come off mean and do it like a like an asshole

[00:02:45] I wanted I didn't feel like

[00:02:48] The stern approach or the the aggressive approach was necessary

[00:02:54] Especially when I was dealing with a delicate flower

[00:03:00] You know, but I still wanted to establish my boundaries I didn't want to use my boundaries as a weapon either so

[00:03:08] in expressing that to

[00:03:11] Tamisha

[00:03:12] We are she told me that some of the boundaries that I think are healthy may be unhealthy and we're gonna

[00:03:19] Figure out what are the healthy versions of that?

[00:03:22] so

[00:03:23] Kind of like before and I showed this to you before and I was like, oh, I'm over sharing

[00:03:30] And that's one of the first ones right

[00:03:33] Unhealthy boundary is trusting. No one trusting everyone black and white thinking

[00:03:39] Right and the healthy version of that is appreciate the trust like, you know, I I

[00:03:46] trust you right but

[00:03:50] Sometimes my own thoughts would think somebody has an interior motive and I psych myself out and I trust no one

[00:03:58] You know trust no one. I rather judge by

[00:04:02] Nobody love you. Come on. Love get you killed

[00:04:06] Soften up I think it'd be too gangster crack that shell get cracked

[00:04:16] Somebody doing the bending

[00:04:19] But now for real boom, I saw the second one, right

[00:04:25] Talking on an intimate level on first meeting

[00:04:30] No, you actually yes or no. No, this ain't a yes or no. I'm on the unhealthy boundary for me

[00:04:37] I used to OD

[00:04:39] Yo my social

[00:04:42] Here's the keys to my crib. He's saying baby

[00:04:46] And you know what's crazy, you know on social media right now

[00:04:50] There's this thing of like there's this joke on like yo, if this is not us on the first link

[00:04:55] I don't want it and in reading all of this and noticing that that that's mad unhealthy

[00:05:02] I've seen I think was like a post of somebody like oh on our third date after that

[00:05:06] he I think she moved in I was just like

[00:05:09] Yeah, that's not

[00:05:12] They said it'd be good for X amount of years. Oh my god. I'm happy for y'all. But I mean if you can literally no

[00:05:18] No, I mean with a serious. No

[00:05:21] so boom, right, so the healthy boundary is

[00:05:25] Revealing little of yourself and then checking to see how other people respond

[00:05:30] So you feel like you could be on a first date I

[00:05:36] Don't think I should be we shouldn't be trauma bonding. Mm-hmm on our first thing. I

[00:05:42] Don't I if you're comfortable

[00:05:45] Expressing that to me

[00:05:47] cool

[00:05:48] No problem, but that don't mean I have to respond with my traumas too. I may be talking it actually happened on

[00:05:56] On a date I had a while ago. Mm-hmm. She was like everything is it?

[00:06:03] My life is a joke

[00:06:12] So I'm discussing like

[00:06:14] She's like yo, you single I was like, yeah, I've been single for X amount of months or whatever

[00:06:18] She's oh, yeah me too. What happened with you. I was like, I don't want to discuss. She said well I discuss

[00:06:23] She told me the whole show was just like

[00:06:30] Crazy

[00:06:32] That realization of you know

[00:06:34] You first meet a woman and she tell you all the bad about a dude and after a while

[00:06:40] So I know some oh, you know, not even I see why he cheated bro. You

[00:06:44] Know

[00:06:50] Yeah, nobody deserves that you right I'm in recovery

[00:06:56] Everything for that war

[00:06:58] boom

[00:07:01] Falling in love with new acquaintances. Mm. No matter my luster

[00:07:07] The first date you tell the show do you love him? No

[00:07:10] so

[00:07:11] Cannot cannot cannot be transparent. Listen, it's a safe space

[00:07:15] It's a safe space here. But when the pod come on

[00:07:19] Ladies weird I go say I don't give too much but

[00:07:24] There was a first date that I was on

[00:07:27] And the thought of going to City Hall right after the day

[00:07:31] Really happy

[00:07:34] Yeah, so yeah, what happened in story time? Um, the first date went really well

[00:07:40] really really well and

[00:07:42] She was like yo, like we might as well go to City Hall

[00:07:47] Legs wide open just ready

[00:07:50] Hey, you know what dumbass actually thought I looked it up I

[00:07:55] Was like yo

[00:07:56] We ain't pay for the bill yet. It closing. I think it closed. Blah blah blah. She was like it opened tomorrow morning

[00:08:04] Shit slick talking

[00:08:06] Yeah, that she is man

[00:08:09] That she

[00:08:11] So my thing is though I

[00:08:14] didn't feel exactly like that, but I felt like

[00:08:17] So my first day with this young woman was a fucking Applebee's. Mm-hmm

[00:08:22] Applebee's

[00:08:24] I don't wanna say the year but

[00:08:27] What you were able to pull that off? Yeah, let me tell you

[00:08:32] I

[00:08:39] Take you to subway you get in front of you

[00:08:47] See if I always gotta go to her eating something

[00:08:50] You said subway eat fresh. Oh boy. You want her Bachi?

[00:08:54] making food in front of you come on, but

[00:08:57] When we eat Applebee's or whatever. Mm-hmm. She laughing at my Joe said man, she kind of funny

[00:09:02] Find them come up. Yo father. Let's be honest. Yeah

[00:09:07] Yeah

[00:09:09] Yeah, I tell you something I got a few friends I don't ha ha with them

[00:09:14] It's alright. It's life but laughing one way up my fuck see the future world and

[00:09:19] that

[00:09:20] Friend was the scariest shit on the first leg

[00:09:24] Okay, but yeah, the healthy boundary is deciding whether potential relationships will be good for you. No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry

[00:09:30] Sorry, putting a new acquaintance on hold until you check off all

[00:09:36] Compatibility that's that's a healthy. That's the healthy boundary

[00:09:39] So instead of saying yo, I love you, you just check off what you felt was compatible in that moment

[00:09:44] So she made you laugh, you know, you had a good conversation. She was okay with Applebee's on the first date

[00:09:52] They might have said I love you

[00:09:56] Applebee's the biggest and I already ate for a guy

[00:09:59] Drink it, but you don't want my thing. Oh

[00:10:04] Fuck this is only entertainment

[00:10:08] Please chill out little drink. I'm listen. No, I just don't need the I don't please this is just entertainment

[00:10:15] Before I ever told her I love her. Mm, right? I would say like

[00:10:20] Different things that kind of equate so for example, I didn't want to say I love you first

[00:10:25] So I'd be like yo, I adore you

[00:10:28] I'm sick

[00:10:37] Say what I did before okay, go shorty. Mm-hmm. It's late up. I want to say this shit

[00:10:58] How do you say something like that for

[00:11:02] All right now you judging me that

[00:11:06] That was my cop out like I adore you

[00:11:13] My jaws everything just

[00:11:17] Feeling overwhelmed by a person preoccupied

[00:11:21] That's unhealthy boundary. Oh

[00:11:24] Stay focused on your own growth and recovery

[00:11:27] I should know that by now unhealthy boundary acting on first sexual impulses. Oh

[00:11:35] But we all have that sometime yeah for sure especially as men because we think having sex is uh,

[00:11:40] It's to our manhood, but it really doesn't it really doesn't but weighing on the consequences before acting on a sexual impulse

[00:11:48] So I'll I'll give you a one that that kind of happened not to me not to me

[00:11:54] Once again, this is only

[00:11:58] Bringing up a scenario yo, bro

[00:12:01] Yo, bro, relax cool. I

[00:12:07] Hate that. This is the first example that comes to my mom

[00:12:09] But because I don't want nobody thinking this happened to me

[00:12:12] But it really did right boom cuz I was I won't put my man's under the bus need

[00:12:18] So him and his shorty gonna break

[00:12:20] Fuck it him and his shorty going to break not a break. They break up. They really break up and um, so

[00:12:27] him and his shorty break up and

[00:12:32] He going through it and remember in the last episode

[00:12:34] You know, I kind of spoke about that. Yo when you go through it just go through it alone

[00:12:39] Go through your phases. Don't be quick to jump on somebody

[00:12:43] so

[00:12:45] You know

[00:12:47] So

[00:12:49] You know, he jumps on somebody right and

[00:12:54] They do they thing they act on a first sexual impulses and right as soon as he was done

[00:13:01] His girl text him like yo, I really miss you. Can we talk it out?

[00:13:07] As soon as he was done like as soon like literally as soon as

[00:13:13] Damn fuck whatever. Yeah, but as soon as the D got off

[00:13:20] While he was getting off

[00:13:22] Same time he looks this girl showered up and he went over to shower it up and he went over there, right?

[00:13:29] So when he goes over there she's like not starting off

[00:13:35] Who you come what house you coming from

[00:13:38] Something off signs off I see her woman's intuition jumped in right and

[00:13:47] In her mind she was like you just fucked somebody

[00:13:54] And I dare you to lie to me matter of fact

[00:13:56] You don't even got a lot of me about it because I thought you know

[00:14:00] We took this time the you know, here I am tripping over you. I know you I know you already did it

[00:14:06] Go back to her and he's been sick ever since

[00:14:11] But if he had established a healthy boundary

[00:14:14] It's a healthy sexual boundary, you know, like actually no yo

[00:14:20] You know could he lost the love of his life because he because of what impulsive decision that's just on a sexual tip

[00:14:27] But yeah, so that doesn't seem if you are if you have a healthy boundary, you know

[00:14:32] You could you could kind of save yourself from later on and back embarrassments, uh

[00:14:38] Whoo being sexual for your partner and not for yourself

[00:14:42] And this is kind of okay. Okay, this is kind of tricky starts

[00:14:47] Does I have the conversation with my friends like things like your bro starting to like a task?

[00:14:53] Because they feel yeah

[00:14:55] Doing a few like it's not I don't want that. I would have to be a mutual. Yeah, I don't want a partner desk

[00:15:01] Let's come on get on top

[00:15:04] That's that's very inviting. Thanks. Yeah, but the healthy boundary is being sexual when you want to be sexual

[00:15:11] Concentrate on your own pleasures. That's right niggas get yours

[00:15:16] Make sure she get hers too

[00:15:21] Going against personal values or rights to please others

[00:15:25] You know maintaining personal values despite what others want not noticing when someone else is displaying inappropriate boundaries. Hmm

[00:15:34] We had a friend who?

[00:15:36] Who used to make the room uncomfortable?

[00:15:39] You know and us

[00:15:42] But I won't be in a room

[00:15:44] But you know, we used to ignore it. That wasn't a healthy. Yep

[00:15:49] yeah for sure and

[00:15:51] But

[00:15:54] Once we once it got to a point where there was like it isn't it has to be stopped this has to be stopped

[00:15:59] Oh, yeah, but that was us ignoring our boundaries

[00:16:03] Ignoring how uncomfortable this made us for the sake of yo, this is our friend

[00:16:06] But I feel like true friendship you could share yo, bro. You doing this this makes crashing over you crash

[00:16:13] You crashing out? Um

[00:16:15] They're in recovery

[00:16:17] I hope so

[00:16:19] Baba accepting food gifts touch sex that you don't want

[00:16:24] This goes back to my earlier

[00:16:26] early podcast episode where all y'all niggas killed me for saying when I told a woman

[00:16:30] Cooking is trash and not eating it because I want to impress her. Oh, I'm a friend. I was a kid

[00:16:35] I'm not eating. I said I set a healthy boundary from early. I don't like you know what when you go on dates I

[00:16:46] Don't know how you are on a date cuz you never took me out on a date. Yeah

[00:16:50] But

[00:16:53] I'm the type of man

[00:16:55] Whatever you want to eat on this menu

[00:16:58] Order it. I have prepared my wallet

[00:17:01] Already, I'm already there for the worst that can happen here tonight. Now if you exceed my worse, I'll never take

[00:17:10] 37

[00:17:12] You know what?

[00:17:14] It wasn't that bad actually I

[00:17:16] Dated a woman who enjoyed oysters

[00:17:19] 37 oysters not that bad because I feel like I

[00:17:22] Let not I let her but we went on a date once and I think she had close to 40. Mm-hmm

[00:17:29] so

[00:17:30] Yeah, she was okay do that. Can you do that? That's wrong. That's wrong

[00:17:35] Take that out with Sean. I'm gonna take that out probably not

[00:17:37] But um

[00:17:41] But saying no to food

[00:17:43] So when people be like, yo, let's Sean try this try this try this try this. Oh, you don't never try things with me

[00:17:49] They're not accepting my boundary. That's the kind of manipulative though. Mm-hmm. Oh, you must hate me

[00:18:00] Touching a person without axing I almost threw my phone almost threw my phone. I just tweeted the other day

[00:18:07] Mm-hmm this young lady. Mm-hmm. Cool. Cool. Young lady. My friend's friend. Mm-hmm. That's happened a few times actually. Mm-hmm

[00:18:15] women sometimes feel like

[00:18:17] my face it's here but

[00:18:19] You got your chia and I don't I don't got that amount. No, oh, they be caressing your day

[00:18:29] Why you touch my face fool, hmm

[00:18:32] Like what what do we like you don't know me well enough even if you know me well enough

[00:18:38] Oh

[00:18:46] But uh a boundary boundary

[00:18:50] You know as men when we establish boundaries

[00:18:55] We sometimes can get emasculated

[00:18:58] for it

[00:18:59] So if we decline a pass from a woman, oh you gay why do I have to be gay?

[00:19:06] Why are you gay?

[00:19:10] No, I'm not

[00:19:13] After you she never said it to me but she told it to one of my man's she asked my man said

[00:19:19] Sure, he did. Sure. He just said it'll be the cute ones

[00:19:22] Oh

[00:19:26] Boy I go first when I had the fucking oh, I had to I was driving a 4-runner at the time. Mm-hmm

[00:19:31] Oh, you remember that shit before she in the car me

[00:19:35] She tried to touch me. I say you're good

[00:19:40] We hit talking this shit while we talk about life whether you fuck you get you hot in the drawers, but again

[00:19:45] She gonna touch my leg. I said, I'm good. She said we don't want to do nothing. We go upstairs

[00:19:50] I'm chillin. So always be the cute words. I say

[00:19:56] I say what you be about that?

[00:20:00] Your boy go front my nigga my Jamaica

[00:20:04] Hey, Obama, yeah, I talked to you know, I mean, that's a boy

[00:20:10] Just because we don't watch your sexual events don't mean that we gay cuz I don't you think come on man and to be honest

[00:20:17] with you I

[00:20:19] Think that

[00:20:23] I'd rather run one off than to give you this

[00:20:33] That's all I'm saying I don't want to use my boundaries as a weapon just hurt people hurt people you hurt me

[00:20:38] I'm not gonna violate you. No, I'm not gonna do that. No, I'm not gay. I'm just not interested tonight

[00:20:44] You are a 30 days, too

[00:20:46] I

[00:20:48] Sorry

[00:20:56] Taking as much as you can get for the sake of getting

[00:21:00] Let me now people that don't use that used to have it much so they'll accept whatever Oh

[00:21:07] Well, the healthy boundary is

[00:21:10] Respect for others not taking advantage of something someone's generosity. Mm-hmm

[00:21:15] You know I'm saying so for example, will you squirrels squirrels is the generous guy as a person

[00:21:22] squirrels

[00:21:24] unhealthy boundary could be just giving so much because

[00:21:29] He may want to be accepted by others prove his value. That's an unhealthy boundary

[00:21:34] It's like getting two bottles of Costa Migas for no reason

[00:21:39] Insanity insanity

[00:21:41] Allowing someone to take as much as they can from you

[00:21:45] Not a lot of right not allowing someone to take advantage of your generosity. So that's that's the literally letting others direct your life

[00:21:53] trusting your own decision

[00:21:55] Be a leader not a follower

[00:21:57] Let others describe letting others describe your reality and that is why you should be careful who you vent to

[00:22:05] Mm-hmm, because not everybody has wisdom. Mm-hmm

[00:22:09] Or not everybody

[00:22:11] Is speaking from a place of I was once there. Mm-hmm. So this is what I went through. So you got to be careful with

[00:22:19] Seeking but a blind leading. Yeah, you know try to get as much discernment as possible. Um,

[00:22:25] So yeah, you trust your own decisions

[00:22:29] Defining your truth as you see it. Mm-hmm. This is the reality of my life right now

[00:22:34] This doesn't define my life, but this is the reality how can I make this better?

[00:22:40] cool

[00:22:41] blah blah blah

[00:22:44] Letting others define you. Um believing others can anticipate your needs

[00:22:50] Ladies

[00:22:52] Ladies

[00:22:54] Ladies

[00:22:55] We are not mind readers. We are not psychics. We are not prophets

[00:23:00] I'm a hair guy, but God doesn't tell me what you need at this moment

[00:23:04] You know why because for us to grow baby, you got to tell me what you need

[00:23:09] I cannot read your mind when you're in the mood. Tell me you're in a mood. I

[00:23:13] Thought you would just know that I don't

[00:23:17] Even together X amount of X amount of years people change people grow people evolve

[00:23:22] Let me learn you. Oh, so you don't know your lady

[00:23:25] It's not that I don't know you but baby if you was a class I'll fail you just to take you again

[00:23:32] You trying to get the force of going

[00:23:35] I'll get left back just to take your class over again, baby

[00:23:38] That's how much I like being that's how much I like learning you

[00:23:41] I want you to teach me for the rest of your life for the rest of our lives together

[00:23:50] I

[00:23:52] Can't anticipate your knees. Yes

[00:23:55] I should know you to an extent. Yes, you know when something's wrong, right? What what what's that love language? Uh,

[00:24:03] Acts of service, you know knowing your your shorties needs and just that in a third but understanding

[00:24:10] I think your woman should understand

[00:24:14] That I am human. I may have superhuman moments. I may go above and beyond

[00:24:20] I may show up in the in the prime time moments, but they may be moments where I fail you and

[00:24:28] Maybe you could have helped me pass this

[00:24:31] Challenge if you would have communicated your needs, you know, I have no problem telling a person how I want to be loved

[00:24:39] You don't have to figure it out. I'm going to tell you straight up. This is how I want to be loved

[00:24:44] And this is why I want to be loved this way if

[00:24:47] If it aligns with the way you want to give love cool if it doesn't that doesn't make us bad lovers

[00:24:54] We're just not compatible

[00:24:55] I think we need to be okay with understanding that we're not just because we're not compatible doesn't mean where there's beef or bad

[00:25:02] blood, you know, so

[00:25:05] for me

[00:25:07] Communication succeeds all and at the same time tell me how to love you. Tell me how to make you better

[00:25:13] I'm a girl. I gotta teach you how to love me

[00:25:15] Then we're not compatible

[00:25:17] Because you are displaying an unhealthy boundary my love because a healthy boundary to that is clearly

[00:25:24] Communicating your wants and needs recognizing that you may be turned down, but you can still ask. Mmm

[00:25:29] I didn't think of it like that. Well, hopefully you're in recovery, babe

[00:25:34] Wow, no bars

[00:25:36] Oh

[00:25:40] Falling apart so someone can take care of you the dandling distress

[00:25:46] the person who cried wolf

[00:25:49] Insane. Mm-hmm the feigning of the person so they could get respirated. You just wanted to kiss axe for one

[00:25:56] Being your own loving parent that is that?

[00:26:01] Self abuse sexual and physical abuse and food abuse

[00:26:06] Talking to yourself and gentle humor and love and respect. Mm-hmm what you say to yourself, you know

[00:26:13] When things get down, how do you what do you say to yourself?

[00:26:17] Do you encourage yourself or do you yo, you can't be so fucking stupid bro. That's another thing. That's

[00:26:23] Has to be stopped like I had a lot of people saying that like oh fucking stupid. I'm like, who you talking to?

[00:26:28] I'm talking myself my brother saying that yeah, like bro

[00:26:31] When you and this is it's so normal to say stuff like that

[00:26:34] It's like that's actually a big-ass problem. You start to think that mm-hmm. Probably up you fucked up, bro. It's alright

[00:26:39] Yeah, let's figure it out. So these these are some of the unhealthy boundaries as men that we may have

[00:26:47] And it all takes

[00:26:50] Acknowledging like one some of the things like I think we both resonated with the uh

[00:26:55] To telling somebody too much too fast. I thought that for me

[00:26:59] I thought that was a great way to build trust in a relationship by being vulnerable but realizing okay, that was mad unhealthy

[00:27:07] That shit blew my mom when she said that like he sent me that shows him what the fuck?

[00:27:12] Yeah, cuz I thought that was doing a good thing, but realizing you should gradually

[00:27:17] Get there and that's why I think I feel so depleted at times

[00:27:22] Even when you have well not even when you have but even when I have maybe a short-term relationship

[00:27:27] It's because I gave so much so early that I felt like they took they left knowing

[00:27:31] You know I'm saying so much about me. Yeah, exactly. So

[00:27:35] Be patient with yourself to have discernment have discernment. Absolutely and um go through the guidelines

[00:27:42] You know go through the guidelines

[00:27:45] That's all I got. I know last week was long, but this one, you know ground-to-pound

[00:27:50] You just get straight to it. It's called us up a quick pump. I'm Brian Pumper

[00:27:59] Another beautiful episode I ain't gonna find this one these two might be my favorite ones though for this year. Yeah, I like that

[00:28:06] I like that everyone's though just cuz like being in therapy like me and Sabrina don't get me Sabrina

[00:28:12] Just be talking about mad other shit, so I don't get into

[00:28:15] My relationship stuff. Mm-hmm. I kind of put down the backburner sometimes, but let me just focus on

[00:28:20] I did that too. I did that too because um as much as I knew I

[00:28:31] Almost slipped up. Yeah, but uh

[00:28:36] That last one right? I knew I need I wanted to go back to therapy

[00:28:40] But I didn't go into therapy talking about what happened between us

[00:28:45] I went to therapy and the first thing I told her it was you know, I want to be a better person. Mm-hmm. I

[00:28:52] Don't know what's gonna take what is it gonna take for me to become a better person?

[00:28:56] I don't even know where we're gonna start. Mm-hmm

[00:28:58] Cuz she was like what brought you into therapy and I'm like, you know

[00:29:01] I want to be a better person. She was like why and um

[00:29:04] for a while

[00:29:06] I'll be transparent. Um

[00:29:10] There was a point of time where

[00:29:13] The person that I was seeing

[00:29:15] She was liking a lot of narcissist tweets like oh don't date a narcissist

[00:29:20] Don't do this narcissist this narcissist that narcissist that and I don't think I told any but I called y'all

[00:29:27] I called you I called Juan. Oh, you did call. Yeah, I called Joe. I called rel

[00:29:32] I even asked

[00:29:34] My ex the ex acts. I'm psyched yo

[00:29:38] Am I a narcissist?

[00:29:40] Like am I a narcissist and I asked my therapist, you know, am I a narcissist be honest with me

[00:29:45] she got really upset because she was like, um

[00:29:50] These are words that are being used

[00:29:53] Uselessly to hurt other people but you have to be clinically diagnosed as a narcissist

[00:29:59] You have to have maybe through I mean I'm maybe butchering it but it may be like say for example

[00:30:05] There are seven traits of narcissism and you should you you would have to have at least

[00:30:11] Three out of the seven to be at least classified as a narcissist

[00:30:17] So she was like first of all the fact that you are even axing that that's yes

[00:30:23] Right now you like never cared and she was like I could tell that

[00:30:28] This person got a strong hold on you. So first we're gonna break this hold right but

[00:30:35] What brings you into therapy? What was really what do you want to achieve here?

[00:30:39] And I'm like, well, I want to become a better person and she was like

[00:30:43] Do you know where you want to start? I'm like

[00:30:47] No, I don't that's kind of why I seek you because I I'd know and she was like

[00:30:52] well

[00:30:53] if you want to be a better person the first step is knowing that you came through my door not for yourself and

[00:31:00] Not for that other person. So if you really want to be a better self

[00:31:05] Better person you got to do this for yourself and not for anybody else

[00:31:10] And I was like, yeah

[00:31:11] I'm fully committed on being a better person for myself because there was times where you know

[00:31:16] I would go into therapy leading with my relationship issues

[00:31:19] I want to improve this this this in this to improve my relationship, but I feel like my my

[00:31:25] For me to have the life that I want with the person that I want

[00:31:29] I have to be the best version of myself. That's fine. I never told you that's why she went to therapy first for for your

[00:31:36] relationship, yeah

[00:31:39] But after a while she was like she was like a bro you gotta I see you not I think I tweeted

[00:31:43] Oh, I said it on the pod. Mm-hmm. I like but you gotta do shit for yourself, bro. You can't be

[00:31:47] There for others you're not there for yourself. I'm like, mm-hmm

[00:31:50] It's like so you gonna be good good in a relationship if you're not good if you're by yourself, it's like mm-hmm

[00:31:55] Mm-hmm

[00:31:56] She's like gotta make you got to make it make sense. I'm just like oh, yeah

[00:32:00] So by me now, let's go. That's it me myself and I

[00:32:05] Am I gonna sing on the bottom you should you should let them hear how vocally gifted you are

[00:32:09] They already see my body on Instagram. What's the point? But they should also know that your high notes, you know

[00:32:18] But um, yeah another beautiful episode man, y'all see this something man child to God he's

[00:32:23] Almighty I love when the Sun set while we recording. Let's look how come on. I'll take these off and just

[00:32:29] Do I show the ways?

[00:32:40] But um, hey shots all you have to listen and subscribe and like a comment and shout out to fellas

[00:32:45] that are

[00:32:47] Taking these words taking this taking these park the topics that we're saying very literally and you're putting the work for yourself

[00:32:55] We're all making the world a better place

[00:32:58] Yeah, we work on ourselves

[00:33:00] True in the shout out to Quani

[00:33:03] Photos, you know have us looking great. Joe is in the back

[00:33:06] He's in a very important meeting shout outs the squirrels, of course

[00:33:09] But I got to tell you why last episode we talked about squirrels stretching stretching something out

[00:33:14] Oh

[00:33:16] Paul sorry my shirt like that my shirt

[00:33:21] My shirt has shrunk but if when I first bought this is it was technically oversized

[00:33:28] But I slimmed down right but this was supposed to be dry clean

[00:33:32] I don't know how it ended up getting washed but in it getting in cold wash. It's strong, but me losing weight

[00:33:38] It's

[00:33:40] So cool, but it was still tight it was a muscular shirt

[00:33:44] Yeah, so you saw the chest, you know, you see you see you see you see the arms the definition is dead, right?

[00:33:50] But I the shirt ain't made for that. But I was like, oh this is too tight. I'm gonna get this stretched out

[00:33:56] So I told squirrels

[00:33:59] Put his left foot in the shirt, but it's right foot in the shirt and just spread his legs

[00:34:03] I think it was there for 20 minutes doing so the whole

[00:34:06] Hour

[00:34:07] Look at the duration of the last part. That's how long he was stretching. It's 10 minutes actually

[00:34:12] So now if it's comfortably so shoutouts the squirrels for stretching out my shirt. I also want to say, um

[00:34:17] Shout to squirrels. Um, I don't think you notice. I don't think I told you

[00:34:21] Slimming down man proud of you brother. I told squirrels that two weeks ago in the gym

[00:34:26] Squirrels is getting skinny boy. It's odd nigga get up in a gym and stop drinking so much

[00:34:31] Man once squirrels cut out that must be difficult for you working in nightlife

[00:34:35] You're having all those drinks around you, but you know what, you know, what would help

[00:34:40] Healthy boundaries. I don't need a bottle. I don't need about I don't need a bottle

[00:34:44] I think about is though

[00:34:45] He's the one with unhealthy battery because he was niggas play. I'm not drinking. I'm not fuck that get a free bottle

[00:34:49] Okay, squirrels squirrels girls need to walk around with his bottle of sparkling water cuz he doesn't like still

[00:34:55] Well healthy boundaries, it's not lying to yourself

[00:35:08] Yeah, I'll cut that part out too just in case oh

[00:35:13] Nice

[00:35:15] Oh

[00:35:23] Another successful podcast episode man facts, you know, you know Don the camera guy Dom Paisley Don

[00:35:29] Don pounds on X videos

[00:35:33] Maybe that's could be the name of your fitness up brand down pound down

[00:35:38] With a play on going down in pounds cuz you losing weight

[00:35:42] No

[00:35:46] Sickle okay. Well, I his only fans Don pounds

[00:35:54] You can find me

[00:35:57] Or Instagram and Twitter don't forget to Like comment and subscribe all things. Once a good guy coming out every Monday at 8 a.m

[00:36:03] Or what's a good guy calm first and foremost all your DSPs

[00:36:07] And if you want to see us visually you can watch us on YouTube

[00:36:10] Don't forget to send us your acts a good guy questions anything you want to access

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[00:36:20] You know all parties involved may be in relationships dating especially quantity

[00:36:28] Yo

[00:36:30] I'm done. Okay about that Nelson over but we're not did seriously though have some have some

[00:36:37] You know, if you want to ask Quanee a question if you want to ask Joe a question scrolls a question

[00:36:42] Preach a question Donna question myself a question. We're all part of the what's a good guy team if you need a resi

[00:36:51] If you want a reservation at Tatiana's

[00:36:54] Probably old you down

[00:36:56] First person though anybody else we know shout out to those damn patties man patty slap

[00:37:03] But yeah, man and shots to another good episode of what's a good guy until next week. I stay frosty beloved. God is good, baby