Episode 259: We're In Recovery

[00:00:00] You already know who this motherfucker is, most of his lover is always Donald Peasley Alongside of LaShawn Another beautiful day here in the NYC It's getting hot Now the wind slapped the shit out of me I'm at the front bro, I'm at the red lamp

[00:00:11] I'm thinking somebody pushing the car but hey, all fresh It should get a little nasty today but still beautiful outside though Yeah Cave in front, been a few days of rain So, enjoy the sun What's going on with you bro, how you feeling?

[00:00:24] Nothing much, good gym session today Feeling nice, you know, the weather is coming along Boosting my mood, my spirit Bro, today was my first day ever in the gym with no headphones It's not a bad vibe bro Nah, I was pissed Nah, it's not a bad vibe

[00:00:42] I heard the Dominican crowd over there making a lot of noise Yo I'm like, this the noise y'all always make? It's on the regular? Yeah, nah, they get real They loud as shit Something over there with a speaker, other nigga over there with a speaker

[00:00:54] I said bro, come on bro That's a problem What they do with the speakers I don't like when people bring their individual speakers to the gym I'm like bro, you not even playing no fire bro You not even playing no fire bro

[00:01:06] I'm sitting here, where am I bro? I gotta ignore his shit and listen to what they're playing in the actual speaker I said bro, I'm listening to some fucking Taylor Swift bro I knew something was up with you in the gym When you was on the treadmill

[00:01:20] Like, dondo touch, no type of car Okay, so my new thing, I gotta get back into doing my cardio and my walks I've been slacking OD with my eating I've been eating like mad red meat, mad bread So I was like, I gotta That's all you've been eating?

[00:01:40] I wanted to say I was eating ass, I would have said that Ain't nothing wrong with that Nigga, I tell you I don't smoke with no body in the history I got worried about being there I never smoked before So you good there, nigga

[00:01:53] Don't ask me for a sip of my drink Oh shoot But before we get into the pod If you listened to last week's episode We talked about this shirt that I'm wearing And I kinda wanna continue that story Oh matter of fact, let's shout out everybody Kojo's here

[00:02:11] Kwani's here Mr. Loveboy And Skrills is here Mr. Stretch-Em-Out I guess we'll tell that story next time Preachers on the audio Preacher, you gotta join us one of these episodes You know, get out the house I don't feel like hearing his laugh But yeah, so

[00:02:33] Kojo threw a party I think it was Kojo's party Yeah, it was Kojo's party And I decided, you know, I'm gonna pop out Wear something nice, feelin' myself So I decided to wear this shirt that I have on now So everybody knows

[00:02:51] If you're familiar with me and my tendencies Sean don't do hugs For multiple reasons Girls wanna give that hug And then when they with they man They hug be a little too, you know They be like, yo I don't want you to have to answer

[00:03:08] To why you hugged me like that But the real true reason Is because You know, I like to play Top dollar for my garments Top dollar for the clothes that I wear That was my, you know, that was one of my true Pleasures, shopping

[00:03:29] I actually bought this outfit on a date Like we were on a date And I bought the outfit Yeah, but with the same person Actually, I think Kwani called me Kwani, we was on the phone when we was in the nudie store, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah Splendid times

[00:03:49] So I wear this outfit I bought the outfit, boom We go to the spot I see somebody I'm cool with I don't wanna say her name cause It's gonna be embarrassing But I see somebody I'm cool with We cool cool So I'm like, aight

[00:04:07] There are rules, I mean exceptions to the rule Bro She give me a hug But the spot was dark Mad dark, so I didn't really tell I get home Obviously it's late Undress, put my clothes in the basket Ooh For some strange reason

[00:04:28] My mother wanted to be really nice She did laundry So she did laundry And laundry's done All I hear is Sean I'm like uh oh Something's wrong She says Sean, it's this shirt from Prada And I think something's wrong with it That was my first wig bro

[00:04:56] Back of my mind I'm like What could be wrong with it I look at the shirt Somebody's face on it? And she washed it in So the whole face Is in the shirt How many times you brought your drunk in? So now you looking right?

[00:05:14] I don't know, I don't see anything I hope nobody from anywhere Boom so So I think it's called I think it's called Farfetched Come on Kwadi So Farfetched got the shirt So I'm like aight I'm like I'm gonna call Farfetched Right? I hope they don't close my

[00:05:56] You gotta wait a few hours for them to approve it though Yo bro As soon as it came Cause I had to sign for the delivery So I signed Maybe wait 15 minutes I called Farfetched So So they like what are you talking about They was like

[00:06:17] I got on the phone with customer service Or whatever Picture right So what I did was I took The tag Twist it off And I twisted back on the defective one And put it back in the comments I'm not gonna lie That's pretty smooth though

[00:06:39] Bro if you knew how much I paid for this shirt I was not gonna lose this shirt I was for one whip That's the thing though even if you brought it to dry cleaners it was a dub Nah nobody could help Trust me I tried to

[00:06:51] I went dry cleaners I even went back to Prada It was like nah there's no way we can do this So now when it comes to hugs I'm sorry I'm back to my You can call me Stush All you want You can't even do the My dog

[00:07:09] That's old God damn It's good you thought about that though Me I ain't gonna fraud I would have just been pissed Nah I wasn't taking that out Somebody was gonna have to swipe that shit Yeah something Everybody retired or they in jail I'm sick of these niggas

[00:07:27] They change their lives But yeah that was the story Of the Prada shirt I hope Farfetch don't clip my account I love y'all though Y'all solid But yeah so I said something to the group chat That Me and my therapist Worked on Honestly I'm gonna be transparent

[00:07:54] Coming out of like a relationship When you go through that Detox of with your person You kinda be like damn Like you try to figure out what's the next phase Of life after trying to move on You realize how Y'all lives were intertwined And For the first time

[00:08:14] I really wanted to go through a breakup And not move on Like that was the first time Like I was really Knee deep Is that But I was Knee deep in it That didn't make it any better I was knee deep in it And I really really really

[00:08:38] Wanted to focus on like You know Just going through the regular healing process I ain't wanna talk to nobody I ain't wanna flirt with anyone I ain't wanna go on casual dates You know Damn sure they won't do the same thing that I did

[00:08:54] Last time you know so I'm like yo But then in my mind I'm like I'm too dependent on having a partner to live life I'm a relationship guy So this time I really wanted to take The necessary steps on like Actually Being alone, being comfortable Alone

[00:09:15] Or just finding other ways To you know So I asked my therapist I'm like yo I think I'm too codependent on So she was like you know Let's go through these codependency Traits and see which one aligns with you So The first one When I open it up

[00:09:37] I know preachers looking at the group chat like What the hell did LA just say So there's Recovery patterns of codependence Right And they got denial patterns Low self esteem patterns Complacency patterns Complacent patterns And control patterns So we kind of went through them And

[00:10:01] You know it's kind of You know the patterns that you have And how do you recover from it So Hmm So in the denial patterns Right It says you don't recognize The unavailability of those people To whom they are Attracted And

[00:10:30] Remember how you was like yo you only want You too busy You know we was like You want who wants you I was so denial about that And reading that one I was like oh I pursue intimate relationships only with others

[00:10:46] Who want or are able to engage it And I be in relationships With people that I wasn't interested in At first But fuck it let's see where it goes Oh maybe I'm too That goes to the line maybe I was too Codependent on relationships for a while

[00:11:02] So there's a bunch of things here That I kind of want to go through To see how you Feel right And if you do feel any of them Or anybody here we could then Find what's the recovery step Right so You minimize

[00:11:20] Alter or deny how they truly feel Yes no No ah cool You perceive themselves as completely Unselfish and dedicated to the well being Of others One more time say it one more time You perceive themselves As completely unselfish and dedicated To the well being of others

[00:11:40] You lack empathy For the feelings and needs of others You label others with negative traits I'm judging I'm judging Hold on I don't like that everybody starting to think I don't like that as a unit We shouldn't take that

[00:11:59] If you was to do crack I wouldn't want to say nothing about it Just don't rob my house So boom let's do the recovery right I'm judging it's crazy I like that I need to feel compassion For other feelings And needs

[00:12:13] What are some steps that you can do To feel more compassionate Towards others Um just put myself in their shoes Yeah that's tough though It is tough It is tough I mean you just gotta hear the person out And just having compassion

[00:12:31] Like I said my job made me More empathetic towards people Because you deal with so much on a regular basis And people want so many different needs Everybody's pulling you from every different direction That you kinda do Learn how to empathize with people

[00:12:45] So I would say my job helped me with that But before I was like You know what helped me with it Oh for real? Like as much as I be saying My mom is mad rude she mean She just be mean and rude to me

[00:12:59] She's empathetic for other people So you labeling others with their negative traits She ain't the nicest person Well not your mom But I understand Alright listen though I think they can take care of themselves without The help from others Why you staring at me

[00:13:17] He looking at me and I'm looking at you Alright that was me I can admit that but the recovery for that is I acknowledge that I may Own negative traits That I often perceive others I thought I was gonna say allow people to do things for you

[00:13:34] That would've been funny Oh I acknowledge that sometimes I need the help of others I mean you've learned Yeah I'm not afraid Of asking for help I need help you know Shoutouts to Kwani Kwani helps a lot, Joe helps a lot, Skrillz helps a lot

[00:13:52] Usually I used to try to just figure everything myself You know and I think where that stemmed from Was a place of disappointment You know usually like I'm that person where I don't get excited for a trip Like we can be on the plane I'm still not

[00:14:06] Until I get that key card Don't lie to me Until I sign my paper And I get my key card we outta here bro So for me I'm about to unload my bed shit My head shit on that bathroom I'm about to I'm about to go

[00:14:24] I'm about to unload a load What you talking about here right now He just went to church yesterday But yeah So even in my relationships Right? I don't Not that I don't enjoy them too much Or fully enjoy them But it's like

[00:14:46] I don't wanna get my hopes up And I feel like I'll be withholding myself From truly being in bliss Like I enjoy The thought of doing something for others But somebody doing something for me I don't like surprises I really don't like gifts

[00:15:02] I don't like anything that could be Possibly thrown back in my face But that's me putting a negative trait on somebody Because they may not even ever do that You know so I'm in recovery Alright So we gonna run through these Like I said Don

[00:15:20] If you say no then we just move on Express negativity or aggression In indirect or passive ways You feel like you're passive aggressive Am I? I don't I wouldn't say I am I think you are Am I passive aggressive It depends on what you're going through in life

[00:15:38] Oh I didn't know I was passive aggressive Especially in this phase that you're in right now You've been a little snappy lately Do I have to say what's going on? No no no but here's the recovery You don't have to say what but listen

[00:15:51] I am able to express my feelings openly Directly and calmly What? I'm just saying And for me I'm telling you I had to sit with this For like a while So like I said all my therapy sessions Are documented right I started doing this October 24th 2023

[00:16:15] And when you read them The real key to therapy for me Is being completely honest With not just your therapist but with yourself So if I read through all of these Shits and I'm like nah this ain't me I'll never hit the recovery part

[00:16:29] But once I realize yo I do express myself negatively or aggression Like I do treat everybody No matter how much I love you Or you love me if we beefing You my op right now My love kind of goes to the back burner

[00:16:43] And I want to stop doing that So now I'm able to express my feelings Openly directly but most importantly Calmly I'm in recovery I don't know about the calm part Nah I haven't got I haven't been feisty In a very long time And I feel like

[00:17:01] Nah I'm lying I'm lying He's about to relapse Okay so those are Those are the denial patterns So now as men this is gonna Get a little tricky for all my fellas listening Right Our low self esteem patterns Now as men we're mancho You know We egotistical

[00:17:25] So it's hard for us to admit when our self esteem is low My self esteem hasn't been low in a while Because I'm starting to look sexy So I'm feeling myself cool But am I full sexy yet Y'all see when I

[00:17:38] I'm down it's extremely uncomfortable because I'm potting with my shirt off But um Let's go low self esteem patterns Right Have difficulty making decisions Yes Okay boom your recovery will be I trust my ability to make effective decisions So you just have to trust

[00:17:56] That you're gonna make the right decision Can't second guess it Pull the trigger you know You're very good at call of duty And one of the things you're good at is shooting before you hit the corner Because you trust that somebody's gonna be there

[00:18:08] So take that same effectiveness When you hit that corner knowing that you're gonna get your target You're in recovery I don't like how you're talking like Bishop You're talking like Bishop Okay boom Judge what they think say or do harshly As never good enough No That is me

[00:18:28] That is me I won't lie I feel like any critique I am not perfect I can come across as Hypocritical But that's because I'm transparent on this thing called a podcast My life your entertainment But I accept myself as I am And I emphasize progress over perfection

[00:18:56] So I have to be able to hear a critique And think okay this is for my progression You know But when somebody kind of or says something to me Damn I can't do nothing right You always nitpicking They may not be nitpicking or they could be

[00:19:13] But I just don't have to look at it that way You can pick and choose what you want to listen to Right okay Oh this is a lot of men I don't care what none of y'all say This is especially squirrels Sorry to point you out squirrels

[00:19:27] Mr. Stretch your mouth you done though Are embarrassed to receive recognition Praise or gifts So that's mad men When you compliment each other Like yo I see you No bro We that is a sign May not be a big sign But a possible sign of low self esteem

[00:19:47] So your recovery is I feel appropriately Worthy of the recognition Praise or gifts that I receive Like I just said I don't like receiving gifts But I like to throw it over my head And then fang Coochie I don't want it Right You know why

[00:20:07] Cause it got to Pass your face Give me a lap actually That too You get distracted But no That's why I never want a surprise party They throw them in alone throw me a surprise party. I was like, why? He said, because that means it shows

[00:20:31] that you can lie to me. I was like, bro, what? You gotta think about it. A successful, Yeah, lie to me. A successful surprise party means somewhere down the line, whoever threw it lied to you. Wherever you took me, lied to you.

[00:20:45] So say, be like, oh, we going out for dinner. And they'd be like, oh, surprise! You could have kidnapped me. I didn't know where I was going. Bro, your thing is a sicko. It's to the point where even in my afterlife, I don't want a funeral.

[00:20:59] Like, I don't celebrate my death. Everybody knows who loved me. If, if God forbid, no, not God forbid, if it's my time to go on to be with the Lord and niggas threw me a funeral, y'all niggas that go don't love me.

[00:21:12] But if there is a funeral for me and y'all let certain people in, y'all really didn't love me. So what you gotta do? Stop niggas at the door? Oh, yo, listen, there's a few that I want y'all to pound them the fuck out

[00:21:23] if they show their face, bro. Yo, LA did not like you, bro. Don't come here. I gotta be in the pool for saying that? Somebody, yes. You do it. Now matter of fact, I know Ruben gonna do it. I know Ruben for sure gonna do it.

[00:21:40] And Ruben gonna, yo, there's a lot of people here. LA ain't like y'all, so I don't know why y'all here. Let's not ruin this boy thing, you know? And just, so yeah, I need to work on my ability to receive recognition, praise or gifts, right? Cool.

[00:21:55] Value other's approvals of their thinking, feeling or behavior of their own. Do you value other people's approval of their thinking, feelings or behaviors? Yes. Over your own? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Okay, cool. Well, I used to be like that. So you're already in recovery?

[00:22:14] Cool, love that for you. You don't, you do not perceive yourself as lovable or a worthwhile person? I used to think like that, but now I'm- When? When you was two? Well, what's- Yo, what's- I just wanna know when this occurred. When you was two?

[00:22:32] Don, let me read this again so you can understand. You did not perceive yourself as a lovable or worthwhile person. Okay, okay, okay. But no, if you didn't, for real, we won't dismiss your feelings. It was dismissed already, it's too late. Okay, I'm sorry.

[00:22:50] We'll bring it back in session. All right, for recovery, just in case if you still are that way, you recognize yourself as being a lovable and valuable person, which you are, because I love you dearly. Appreciate it. I think we all love you here. Oh, screw this question.

[00:23:05] Okay, you seek recognition and praise to overcome feeling less than. Social media has caused that for a lot of people. So boom, here's recovery. This is for everybody. I seek my own approval first, and then I examine my motivations clearly when I seek approval from others.

[00:23:29] When I'm, bring that back again. So you seek your own approval first, right? The following part is examine your motivations carefully when seeking the approval from others. So you gotta know your why that you want the approval of somebody else. You have difficulties admitting a mistake. No.

[00:23:48] You need to appear to be right in the eyes of others to make even a lie look good. No. Okay, cool. You're able to identify or ask what they really need. Oh, sorry, you are unable to identify or ask for what they really need.

[00:24:05] So it's kind of in third person flow. It's what you really need. Okay, perceive themselves as superior to others. No. Kojo, your recovery. Okay. Let's see, let's see. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. Nah, nah, nah. I'm joking, Joe.

[00:24:23] This is, yeah, this ain't you at all. But this is a misconception of you, I would say. This is a misconception of Joe that he does come off superior than others. And those who know Joe know that it's the furthest thing from true,

[00:24:38] but you can't control how other perceive you. I learned that. I learned that too. You know why? Because I'm in recovery. Look to others to provide a sense of safety. No. Me, I would say that. I would say I would. But the recovery thing,

[00:25:04] the recovery answer is to, with the help of my higher power to create safety in my life. So I don't mean safety in the sense of, I guess physical protection, but emotional protection I kind of do. Like I thrive in a safe space. That's one of the reasons

[00:25:22] why I don't think I could do a live show. Because the way I talk with y'all, y'all like my blood brothers. Us not having the same parents don't make us unrelated. It's having this type of talk in front of a bunch of people for literally,

[00:25:40] obviously when we put this out, it's entertaining for those. But in the moment, I don't feel safe enough to, it would have to be a different type of episode where I'm not as transparent or need to be vulnerable

[00:25:55] because I don't know how I would feel in front of others. It would have to literally be a spotlight on us and the whole room is dark. Oh, freaky frog. That's okay. I kind of like that. Can we do that in Amsterdam? What's this guy's issue?

[00:26:13] Look, look, look, look, look. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Have difficulties getting started, meeting deadlines and completing projects. Yeah, sometimes. Boom. The recovery to that, I avoid procrastination by meeting my responsibilities in a timely manner. You hold yourself accountable.

[00:26:34] Have trouble setting high priorities and boundaries. Healthy priorities. Very good. Thank you, Joe. Healthy priorities. And healthy boundaries. Yeah. Matter of fact, the following episode after this, remember that boundary sheet? I think men need to, yeah. My therapist was like- So that's a yes on that one.

[00:26:53] Oh, for real? Okay, so I am able to establish and uphold healthy priorities and boundaries in my life. So that was the low self-esteem patterns, right? What is this? Compliance patterns. Ooh! I feel like every man, I'm gonna go fuck for my friends, families, and our relationships, right?

[00:27:22] Garren, I hope you listening. Yo, my God. You didn't even care. We are extremely loyal to remaining in harmful situations too long. I don't care what no man says. At some point. At some point, we have all been in this. Our recovery, I am committed to my safety

[00:27:46] and leave situations that I feel unsafe or are inconsistent with my goals. Mm-hmm, I want that. Let that breathe. Men, we're in recovery. Ooh, next one. Therapy session. Compromise their own value and integrity to avoid rejection or anger. No. So for example, not you. No, I'm saying no.

[00:28:18] If somebody disrespects you, but you don't want them to leave, you tolerate it too long. This is, here's your recovery. I am rooted in my own values even if others don't agree or become angry. And that's hard because I know we joke,

[00:28:38] but that is where the concept of crying and staying comes along. Mm-hmm. Chill, man. Chill, man. Oh boy, chill, man. I just gotta clear my throat. You know, hopefully my niggas hear it, especially on Thursday, you know? You know, we cannot compromise our own values

[00:28:54] and integrity to avoid rejection or anger. Our recovery, I repeat, I am rooted in my own values even if others don't agree or become angry. So boom. You're in recovery. Just letting you know, you're in recovery. That's all I'm saying. You are in recovery, you know?

[00:29:13] That's what he said. But this is the part for me where it was like the wake up call, yo, you gotta be okay with being alone because you'll stay or you'll try to make it work hoping they change, hoping they become a better person.

[00:29:27] If you think, if you think or under the impression that they might change eventually, but if they're not, you gotta be okay with being rooted in what's your own values. You know how when I used to tell y'all like my hard rules and shit like that?

[00:29:44] They'd be like, yo, LA, come on. Those are kind of, those were rooted for a reason. And every time I swayed from them, I was reminded why these were my rules and boundaries. So they may not make sense to the world,

[00:29:56] but they made sense for me enough for me to even think about having them. And the moment, you know, I swayed from it, that's when I realized, all right, you know, so cool. I hope we're recovering fellas. This is for my fellas. You know, my ladies, you know?

[00:30:12] Y'all know y'all in therapy, right? Y'all say the men not in therapy. So y'all fine, y'all perfect. Y'all perfect the way y'all are. That's on period. That's on period, fool. You know what I'm saying? What you saying? Put aside your own interests

[00:30:26] and others to do what others want. Yeah. This is like a podcast version for men of me, myself and I. All my ladies, do you feel me? All my fellas, do you feel me? Nah, for real. But yeah, you shouldn't put aside your own interests

[00:30:49] in order to do for others, right? I consider my interests and feelings when others ask to participate in other plans. In another's plans. Cool. So learn how to say no. Recovery. Or hypervigilant regarding the feelings of others and take on those feelings. Yes. Ooh, okay.

[00:31:09] So let's get into recovery, Don. Ooh, I like this. I can separate my feelings from the feelings of others. I allow myself to experience my feelings and the others to be responsible for their feelings. How does one be empathetic and do that at the same time?

[00:31:24] I understand how you feel. That wasn't my intentions. I'm not gonna put that on me, but I could work on making you feel that way less. Okay. Just like that. Nigga, try and get some pussy. I ain't got it for you. I wasn't, no.

[00:31:39] I was gonna respond, that was too bold. That was too bold. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Chill out, chill out, chill out. That would've put us on the radar, bro. No, that was too bold. Okay. Ooh.

[00:31:49] Are afraid to express their beliefs, opinions, and the feelings when they defer from those of others. So you're afraid to say how you truly feel when it go against the grain. Now that doesn't give you the right to be ignorant, but if you strongly feel something,

[00:32:07] you can find a way to express it in a healthy manner because that's what this is all about, trying to be healthy, right? And your recovery is I respect my own opinion and feelings and express them appropriately. So cool.

[00:32:21] But like I said, that doesn't give you the right to be ignorant. Ooh. Fellas, I know a lot of y'all are macho, but we gonna talk about this. We gon' really, really talk about this. Accept sexual attention when they truly want love. When you want a hug,

[00:32:42] and all shorty talking about is giving you some ass. I know. When you wanna say how you really feel, you had a fucked up day and she talking about, and you wanna- Let me sit on your face. Like what are we talking about?

[00:32:53] You know, when you wanna talk something out and she wants you to munch her out. You know? Oh boy, do you think about the, you know what? Yes, yes I do think about what I'm gonna say before I say it, but I'm telling you,

[00:33:04] a lot of men, I'm telling you, I'm telling you. We would- So what's that like? You know what? Nah. So what is that? Is that like a, what is that exactly? All right, so let's just start with the recovery. My sexuality is grounded in genuine intimacy and connection.

[00:33:21] When I need to feel love, I express my heart desires. I do not settle for sex without love. Now I know us, depending on the age group of men, if y'all 18 to 25, y'all might be like, man, fuck outta here with all of that. I'm 32.

[00:33:37] They are, like I said, I went through this process of not trying to replace my last significant other, right? Cool. So in that, but prior to doing that, you may do something in those lonely moments, hit somebody up. I truly wanna talk things out with Shorty.

[00:33:56] She ain't around, so you know what I'ma do? You gonna talk to this dick. But that's not healthy. That's not right. And you know what? Why you gotta talk like that? I'm in recovery. Why you gotta talk like that? Because you gotta talk in a way

[00:34:14] that they understand. You right though, you right though. But just, that's crazy though. But that kinda, in that environment, it builds you to not wanna speak to that person about it. But you stay complacent though. And that's why we stay in the never ending cycle

[00:34:29] of just chasing ass. I hate to get deep, but fellas. I'm trying to talk to you, you're trying to throw the booty on me. It's kinda crazy. That's crazy, right? No, it's a real shit. You come home after a long day, you know?

[00:34:45] And sometimes, I'm not saying that all men have this, but I know we've experienced where we truly just wanted to say how we felt. Like yo, we had a long day. I just wanna hug you, give you a nice hug. I just wanna hug.

[00:34:58] And now you just get hands in my pants. Yeah. Like yo boy, now we doing a noodle dance. Like come on, what we doing? It's true though. He's using my beef as a shake weight, it's crazy. And she making a margarita. But nah, that could be it.

[00:35:24] You know, fellas, use your words, man. Use your words. Make sure you're heard. And you gotta be man enough to know that you're still a man expressing yourself. No matter what comes after that. And hopefully you're with a nice person. That she doesn't make you feel less than.

[00:35:42] Exactly. That's a way to find out, you know? And then that will go back to your low self-esteem patterns and your denial patterns where you, if you express yourself, it doesn't go the way you like. She shows her ass and then you still stay.

[00:35:58] You see how one pattern can be attached to another pattern. So it's a never ending pattern that kinda keeps you in a codependent relationship. I hope y'all listening, fellas. Hope y'all in recovery. We in recovery. We gonna do this together, man. Make decisions without regarding the consequences. No.

[00:36:20] Okay. Give up their truths to gain the approval for others or to avoid change. No. Okay, cool. So we're in the second to last pattern. Control patterns. I kinda breezed through this cause I didn't feel like a... I had any control intending. Yeah.

[00:36:41] Believe people are incapable of taking care of themselves. No. Attempt to convince others what to think, do or feel. That's different from giving advice. So don't confuse the two. Cause I mean, we paused on that too. Like you're not, your why isn't to control their thought process.

[00:37:04] So you're not offering it in a sense. I've done that without knowing I was doing that. Okay, so boom. In recovery, I accept the thoughts, choices and feelings of others, even though I may not be comfortable with them. That's it.

[00:37:18] And I feel like a lot of the recovery steps just helps you release, not to play on the actual pattern, but control. Like you say, if you like it, I love it. But this kind of helps with that too. You're like, yo, if that's what you wanna do

[00:37:36] where you feel that's what's best for you, even though I don't think so, okay. And that way it's so much lighter. You know what's funny? What's that? I don't even say that. I actually had that conversation the other day with a good friend of ours. Oh really?

[00:37:52] He said he was in talks with somebody. I was like, yo, if you'd like, nah, I'm not saying, I don't really mean that. It don't work out for you. When you said that, I was like, bro. What I end up saying is if that's what you wanna do,

[00:38:05] I wouldn't do that. Yes. But if that's what you wanna do. Yes, there you go. And that way, that's empathizing. I hear you. If that's what you wanna do, it makes you happy, go ahead. Cool, I wouldn't do it.

[00:38:16] If you ask me because you're curious on what I would do, I'm gonna give it to you. I wouldn't do it. But if you still decide to do it anyway, those who don't hear must feel. I'm telling you, it's your life. You know what?

[00:38:29] And after you feel, guess what happens? You end up in recovery. We are in recovery. Cool, so we are, okay, we're almost done. Freely offer advice or direction without being asked. You do that? Advice? Yeah, you freely offer it without anybody asking you.

[00:38:49] Oh, I wasn't talking about it. Yeah, no, you're giving somebody advice without them asking you anyway. Like nobody asked you. Really? All right, Don, let's get to your recovery. I be thinking I'm a therapist. I give advice only when asked. Okay, I just gotta shut up my mouth.

[00:39:05] Okay, cool. Yeah, because sometimes people don't, people just wanna, Like yo, you don't have a solution. All right, so we got a friend. We call him Mr. Explainy, right? This actually fits. Don't offer any advice or direction without being asked. You know why? Because he just won't talk.

[00:39:24] You're gonna listen anyways. That's right. What? You're just gonna listen anyways. Don't do it. Am I wrong? I'm judging me and judging. Dazzy Nobass, I'm sorry. Dazzy Nobass, we are in recovery. Was that judging you? Or was that the truth? I don't know. There's a difference.

[00:39:39] I mean, okay, so with tendencies and patterns, you kinda can predict the outcome. People may surprise you, you know, but hey, if it quacks like a duck, it's not a mouse. Maybe it is, bitch ass nigga. Become resentful when others decline their help or reject their-

[00:40:00] Say that one more time. It's just, I heard her squeaking in the back of the room. She's an ass. Become resentful when others decline their help or reject their advice. No. Cool. Leverage gifts and favors on those they want to influence. No.

[00:40:18] I just looked at a particular face. I don't know which one you was looking at. Oh, both of them! Trick Daddy! Oh! Yeah! All right, nigga. I wanna brace up for my birthday too, nigga. I wanna celebrate myself for my birthday. I never get flowers in the car.

[00:40:33] All niggas do is get two head salutes. No luck against Caso Migos in the club, man. But boom, this actually was, my therapist brought this up because she, she had asked me why I got like this girl these flowers before. And I was like, you know,

[00:40:56] I wanted her to experience the romantic side of LaShawn. And she was like, so you was trying to influence her decision? I said, no, I ain't say all that. You're nigga manipulative. I ain't say all that, yeah! Like how you taking a good nigga and making him bad?

[00:41:10] So then we kinda, that was kinda like our first two sessions. And then when we finally got to this session, she was like, ah, let's look at the recovery. I am careful and honest and contemplated my motivations when preparing to give a gift, right?

[00:41:31] So in the sense of genuineness, you know, I'm giving you this gift because I truly saw it and thought of you and I wanted you to make it feel better. Opposed to, it's the first date, I'm trying to show out, if I flex like this,

[00:41:50] it may lead to sex like this. That is a control thing opposed to genuineness. You know what's funny? So it's all about intent. Thing about it is I was watching this interview with Vince Staples. He was saying this exact same thing.

[00:42:03] He was like, yo, gift giving is like mad selfish. Yeah, I saw that. That was the complex. I was like, yeah, I was like, oh shit, I never thought about it. He's like, if I'm giving you a gift, I wanna see you happy. Yeah, and that's for you.

[00:42:13] But see, now I'm comfortable of giving a gift and walking away. If you don't like it. I understand, sorry. But I did it just because, you know, it was a Tuesday and I thought of you, you know? Hey, what do I know? I'm just in recovery.

[00:42:27] I'm just sorry. You catch it on. You catch it on. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Use sexual attention to gain the approval and acceptance. I'm not lying. That's me right now because the way I'm in the gym and y'all gonna say LaShawn is acting unusual

[00:42:49] and I understand, but my recovery is. Let me know my recovery cause I'm listening. I embrace and celebrate my sexuality as evidence of my health and wholeness. Come on now, come on now. I don't use it to gain the approval of others.

[00:43:04] I'm sorry, but I want when my shirt come off the faucet runs. I don't know. You know, I can accept I'm in recovery, but you know, hey, I'm not here to be perfect. Demand that their needs are met by others. No, that's not really me.

[00:43:23] Use charm and charisma to convince others of their capacity to be caring and compassionate. No. Yeah, I don't know, but I do like that cause that could resonate with somebody. I find and use my resources that meet my needs without making demands on others.

[00:43:40] I ask for help when I need it without expectation. You know what's funny? I have a friend, right? Like we're cool, it's like my brother. He'll be like, yo, bro, you dashing bro, go use your looks and get what you want.

[00:43:56] See you leading him down a path of control. Every Friday, every Friday in Brooklyn. I'm telling you, can't hang out with him no more. Use blame and shame to exploit others emotionally. No. I mean either. Refuse to cooperate, compromise or negotiate unless they're terrorists.

[00:44:18] Cause you know, the United States doesn't compromise or cooperate or negotiate with terrorists. God bless America. I don't know. God bless every place else. No, God bless the world for real. We need it. Adopt an attitude of indifference, hopelessness, authority or rage to manipulate outcomes.

[00:44:37] You throw tantrums bro? Depends. All right, let's find your recovery. Bottom three. Treat others with respect, consideration and trust my higher power to meet my needs and desire. I trust God so I'm with that. Use recovery jargon in attempt to control the behavior of others.

[00:44:57] Damn, that's this whole podcast. Make sure you keep listening. We're in recovery. That's insane. I use my recovery for my own growth and not to manipulate or control others. Nah, for real. That's really where I'm at. But I never wanted to use this to control anybody.

[00:45:15] But I will say there are certain things us men know what to do and how to do to get our girl back. So even... And that is a controlling thing. We know certain key words, you know, that we can do or say to give her the hope

[00:45:35] to buy us more time. Because it's sick. Yeah, if I snitch it, I'm gonna get sick. Sick of. Even for example, yo baby, let's go to therapy. I hate being on this podcast. How does that sound? You know, oh, the codependency of like, you know,

[00:46:01] doing shit that you know you don't wanna do. But to stay in a relationship, that's not healthy for us. Cause we're not being true to ourselves. Well, if I use doing it to appease others, we talked about that. Fellas, even ladies, I want y'all to feel included too.

[00:46:16] We're in recovery. One percent better every day. There you go. Pretend to agree with others to get what you want. No. Okay, cool. So we're in the last, the avoidance patterns. We're almost out of here, I promise. What we on on time, Joe? Okay.

[00:46:35] I didn't even wanna tell him. Act in ways that invite others to reject, shame or express angers towards them. No. Gotta remember guys, this is kind of in third person, so you kinda gotta, yeah. Judge harshly what others think, say or do. Harshly? Nah.

[00:46:53] I may be judgy, but I don't think of that. But recovery, keep an open mind and accept others as they are. You know what? I'ma do that. Because sometimes... People's takes on things I don't really agree with is kinda makes me... Not even that.

[00:47:12] People show you who they are and what you want from them, you hold onto. You know? For a while, that's why I never wanted to date listeners because I think they have an idea of who... You don't really truly know me. Right.

[00:47:28] So I don't wanna live up to who you think I am. You know? So whether you think of me harshly or highly, you know, that's just... I just wanna be a space where I could be me. I don't wanna be on all the time.

[00:47:42] Where if I'm good today, cool. But if I'm bad tomorrow, I don't fall off your pedestal. So yeah. Avoid emotional, physical or sexual intimacy as a way to maintain distance. So don't use your dick as punishment. What? What? You don't say that one time. Psh.

[00:48:05] I gotta throw legs. Okay. Well, I'm sorry. So you avoid emotional, physical or sexual intimacy as a way to maintain distance. So like the silent treatment. You know Shorty got needs, but you in your little mood so you don't wanna give her the pain. That's avoidance.

[00:48:22] Stop avoiding her, give her the dick. So the healthy way is to engage in emotional, physical or sexual intimacy when it is healthy and appropriate for you. So they're not saying, she made you upset and you not in a sexual mood. So don't let her use...

[00:48:43] Fellas, don't let her clip this up and be like, see, you supposed to give me... No, let her apologize. Hey babe. Once the apologize is healthy and appropriate, you can then proceed. But don't start... You ever fold it?

[00:49:00] If she pulled up on you mad at her a little bit, she just start rubbing her leg. You know what's crazy? I forgot to mention this in one of the... In what you want, right? I'm glad you... Yo, we like twin. Where have you been?

[00:49:14] I can say this. When I first started dating Elizabeth, I don't mind. She mad cool, we're cool, we're cool. Trust me, we ain't saying nobody else's name. Oh, Jersey, you got a name. You got a name, man. Nigga, reach it, nigga, reach it.

[00:49:27] When I first started dating Elizabeth, Elizabeth would do pull-ups. Like pull up and wanna talk. Oh, I thought you said she wasn't... Oh, no. I can't talk. No. And when I was younger, I used to hate that. I used to hate that. And as I got older,

[00:49:46] and what I dealt with in my last relationship, I found an appreciation to what Elizabeth was trying to accomplish when we were young. You know, like let's not avoid each other. It goes along with this. Let's not avoid each other. Let's have these tough conversations.

[00:50:07] Let's work through it. And I want this to work. I know you want this to work, but we don't have to avoid each other to pass time for it to work. And I wish that tendency was in... There you go. So yeah, so that's...

[00:50:25] Life sometimes comes full circle. There was a point in time where like I text Elizabeth on a random like, yo, I'm sorry. And mind you, she don't really know. She be like, what for what? Like, yo, I was young, I was dumb. You know? It's also Bible scripture.

[00:50:40] When you thought like a boy, you acted like a boy. Now that I'm a man, I think like a man, stuff like that, something to that. I don't want to butcher the Bible, but you know, you could go find it yourself. But I'm in recovery. Thank you, baby.

[00:50:54] Allow addictions to people, places and things to distract them from achieving intimacy or relationships. That's for them weirdo niggas that... Them blue pill, red pill niggas. Y'all gotta go get help, man. Use direct or invasive communication to avoid conflict or confrontation.

[00:51:15] Don't be pussy, say it with your chest. But your recovery, if that is you... What's this? One, two, three, four, five. One, two, three, four, five. Use direct and straightforward communication to resolve conflict and deal with appropriately with confrontations. Yeah, stop being passive aggressive

[00:51:33] on the niggas tweets, bro. Just say how you feel, bitch. Diminish their capacity to have healthy relationships by declining the use of tools of recovery. No? No. Ooh, men, let's talk about it. Suppress their feelings or needs to avoid feeling vulnerable. I don't do that anymore.

[00:51:59] All right, well, fellas, let's talk about it. Embrace your own vulnerability by trusting and honoring your feelings and needs. You are not less of a man by expressing yourself and you are not more of a man suppressing yourself. You know why? Because we're in recovery.

[00:52:20] My nigga, the one time I felt the most vulnerable, I cried in front of a woman. What was her response? She cried too. Did she wipe your tears? With her hands. I'm telling you, the response I had was gonna be disgusting. No, no, yes, she did though.

[00:52:40] Do you feel safer with her now, with that happening? Did I feel safe with her after? Yeah, it was cool. Okay, cool. All I hope is for men to find somebody they could be safe with. Ain't gotta be. Ain't even gotta be. I'm gonna play this all day.

[00:52:58] Facts. Even Clark Kent wanted to give up being Superman. Oh, man. Come on, man. Pull people towards them, but when others get close, push them away. My flight of flight queen. I gotta go to the ATM after this one right here. Yo, you are a fool.

[00:53:28] I welcome closer. You are sick, son. You are sick, son. It's only entertainment. It's crazy. He hit me up, like yo, who you gonna be talking about? Like, bro, you know you're talking about your fucking business, brother. Hey, Coach, we sitting here asking questions.

[00:53:45] I welcome close relationships while maintaining healthy boundaries. Boundaries is really the key to a lot of shit, and we gonna get there. Next episode, I promise y'all. I refuse, oh no, refuse to give up their self-will to avoid surrendering to power greater than themselves. Yeah, me neither.

[00:54:05] I give glory to the most high, come on. Facts, believe display of emotions are a sign of weakness. No. That's for all y'all super macho niggas. That should take a lot, actually. Boom, I honor my authentic emotions and share them when appropriate. You withhold expression of appreciation. No.

[00:54:32] I feel, me, I tell everybody thank you. And I appreciate you. I appreciate you, man. I know I say a lot, but I really do mean it. I feel the need to always express my appreciation towards others because, you know, the world can be so daunting, you know?

[00:54:49] And sometimes you just wanna feel appreciated for what you do, even if it's a small act. So no matter how big or small the act is, you know, I always show my appreciation. I appreciate all you guys, of course, Quanie, Skrillz, Joe, Preach. I appreciate you guys.

[00:55:06] The listeners, we definitely appreciate you guys every week. Reposting it. Even if y'all share it last week, y'all share it again this week, I will say thank you every week because that's how I truly feel. And that recovery is, I freely engage in expression of appreciation towards others.

[00:55:24] And that's a good way to live, you know? Just, you know, they said you're supposed to at least experience eight different touches a day. That's not common, you know, especially after COVID. But, you know, hug your people, love on your people, you know, spread joy, spread love.

[00:55:42] Love thy neighbor and such. Yeah, love thy neighbor, even if they don't love you. So, you know, I love you guy. Even though you're trying us. Yo, yo, shout out to all y'all for liking, commenting, subscribing. Roger, I can't do it, man. We in recovery, man.

[00:56:03] Yeah, we in recovery. There's a lot of things that this episode made me think about. Yeah, yeah, fellas. The low of self-esteem one is kind of fucking me up a little bit because I didn't take those too much things on there, actually. That's what I'm saying.

[00:56:13] And like I said, this therapy session was in October. And I can say we in March now. When this come out, it's probably be in April. But, you know, don't rush your process. The first step is acknowledging the first step. Then you take it.

[00:56:29] You don't try to run. You know, you be truly transparent with yourself, fellas. Even ladies, you know, if y'all kind of want where I got this link, you know, DM us. I'll send you the link to where you could, you know, do your self-reflection

[00:56:43] and enter your own recovery, like I said. Because, you know, the goal is to be a better person for yourself. A lot of these things, when you're good to yourself, other people will be good to you. And so, you know, I think that's the thing.

[00:56:57] When you're good to yourself, other people will benefit. And I feel like the goodness of the world will attract to you. That's beautiful. Yeah, thank you, baby. You're not going to tell them to stop doing that? No, they can't stop because I tell them,

[00:57:10] baby, I call them baby too. I love y'all. Every Monday at 8 a.m. On all streaming platforms. Don Peasley, Don the Camera Guy. Oh, you can follow me at Stay Focused LA. I'm there occasionally. Only if there's a message to respond to, but I don't post.

[00:57:28] I won't be posting until, like I said, my six pack is chiseled and ironed. I'm in the gym right now. I'm in recovery. And I think I'm going to stop posting workout videos for a while. Yeah, yo, the other day you posted a video.

[00:57:42] I'm like, yo, this nigga dick swinging like a clock. Because he was doing a pull up and then he did a leg kick. I'm done, I'm done. He did the leg shit. I'm like, wait, whoa! I'm done here. Y'all have a good one.

[00:57:55] One day I will talk about how, one day I will talk about how there's a note on my car. I'm done. And I still got that shit in my car. I can't throw it out. I'm like, yo, til next time, man. I'm done here. God is good, baby.

[00:58:10] Oh boy, this nigga is a sicko. Huh? Don't say the same shit, man. Huh?